To feel 'railroaded' in these Mother's Day plans?

(57 Posts)
Snufflebabe Fri 08-Mar-13 16:58:09

Spoke with PIL yesterday, who said that they would see us on Sunday, for Mother's day as DH and BIL were organising something for MIL. Lunch or dinner, but they were organising it. No mention of me, or what MY plans, as mother of a 2year old DD might be.

Bumped into SIL (wife of BIL) today who told me that a table was booked In restaurant on Sunday afternoon. I asked if BIL had spoke with my DH and she said no, he had just gone ahead and made the plans, counting us into the numbers.

AIBU to just want to scream "Errrrrr, hello. I am a mother too and I might just like to spend some time wit my OWN family, rather than being TOLD how to spend Mother's day."

I'm pregnant and possibly just hormonal but I just feel no-one has said to me" hey, what are your plans so you too can have some special time on Mother's Day."

Grrrrrrr. I'm not even fussed about Mother's Day, I'm just annoyed that the plans have been made for me!

zipzap Sat 09-Mar-13 20:18:02

THink the returning to the Mother Church and to see your parents was all part and parcel of the same thing - because chances were, if you were a young servant girl/boy then you wouldn't have gone miles and miles away from home, so even if you didn't go to the same local church as your parents, chances are that you would go to the same Mother church and therefore get a rare chance to see them.

There was also a tradition of taking simnel cakes (marzipan - yum!) and as it was about half way through lent there was a brief relaxing of the strict lent food rules so that you could enjoy cake with your mother (and father and rest of your family!)

Welovegrapes Sat 09-Mar-13 02:18:42

Yep - it was a holiday for young people so they went home and they took gifts to their mothers with them. If I had my phd stuff I could quote, but it's all in the loft now smile

IABUofcourse Sat 09-Mar-13 02:12:10

and the reason "gifts" as in wildflowers picked as a posy was because they hadn't seen family in so long nothing along the lines of how Mothers Day appears to be now

IABUofcourse Sat 09-Mar-13 02:02:30

Really? Not a day when they went back to their Mother Church?

Welovegrapes Sat 09-Mar-13 01:52:14

Gave gifts not have gifts - thanks phone blush

Welovegrapes Sat 09-Mar-13 01:51:50

In the UK Sunday is mothering Sunday aka mother's day and it was a day when people have gifts to their mothers many centuries ago. Not a purely religious thing at all!!

Tbh I find it sad so many people thing mothering Sunday and valentines day are recent inventions when they were going on 400 years ago.

IABUofcourse Sat 09-Mar-13 01:47:09

Wll then it depends if you are christian and celebrating Mothering Sunday or not and celebrating Mothers Day

Welovegrapes Sat 09-Mar-13 01:36:21

Actually mothering Sunday is a very old tradition. Iirc from my researching days I think it goes back to at least the 17th century.

IABUofcourse Sat 09-Mar-13 01:33:14

Back in 1912 a very savvy american woman trademarked the phrase Mothers Day. This is a new 'day' along with all the others. My son, me and my mom all know we love each other and there is no angst

twitchycurtains Sat 09-Mar-13 01:22:13

Iaint- no can do unless I want a sulky DH and even sulkier inlaws for the rest of the year, my inlaws have a knack of making just about any event about them, mil especially. With a wimpy loving son like DH I tend to pick my battles.

Iaintdunnuffink Sat 09-Mar-13 01:16:48

Twitchycurtains any chance you can opt out? Let dp and the kids go.

If you do go why get up and serve & washup? Sit there, smile and remark to mil how you're enjoying the day being looked after.

Iaintdunnuffink Sat 09-Mar-13 01:05:41

I don't expect pampering or £'s spent on me but Yanbu

I've been married for over 10"years and every Mother's Day my inlaws all seem to behave like extras in a Dr Who episode WE MUST ViSIT MOThER. It's fucking odd.

twitchycurtains Sat 09-Mar-13 00:58:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

twitchycurtains Sat 09-Mar-13 00:58:28

YADNBU. I've just been told by my MIL that we are to come to hers for dinner on sunday, she didnt ask, she told me. Mentioned it to SH whose response was 'oh ok then'. FFS I wish MIL would recognise that the whole world does not revolve around her. I have 2 dc of my own and was looking forward to a quiet family day just me, dh and the kids, we plannrd to pop in to see MIL , give cards, flowers etc then leave.
Now, because of MIL and spineless DH I will spend my sunday teatime-evening serving dinner , washing dishes, cleaning her bloody kitchen whilst she sits there relaxing, well, it is md after all!

LaydeeC Fri 08-Mar-13 23:33:20

fwiw, I don't think yabu, I have a similar problem with my mil - there is a great expectation that we will all see her and spend time with her on md. BUT, she buys me some flowers etc and recognises that I am a mum with a mum myself. This year both my kids are away for md so, like last year, md in my house will be the following weekend. I have no problem with this and nor do either of my teenagers - makes it a lot less stressful rather than being resentful about the day being monopolised by someone else.

RoseandVioletCreams Fri 08-Mar-13 23:32:29

SIMPLE susan

Do you remind him of those thoughts on Fathers Day?

RoseandVioletCreams Fri 08-Mar-13 23:31:46

YADNBU

Infact reading your op title made me feel:

<Punch arm in air>

YEsssssss

" This year I can enjoy Mothers Day for "me", for/with my DC, NOT, I repeat NOT, simply worshiping at the altar of the MIL, whereby I am simply a vessle through which the prodgeny of HER Ultimate motherlyness -

Passed Through. "

simplesusan Fri 08-Mar-13 23:11:58

Well at least they have thought of you.

I have never been taken anywhere on Mother's Day.

My dh thinks it is just a made up day by "those bastards" at hallmark! Nice.

rockinhippy Fri 08-Mar-13 22:43:24

YANBU - though I'm a bit biased, as I'm in a similar situation myself - DHs Sister is off on yet another holiday with BIL, meaning that yet again DH is the only one around for Mother's Day - AGAIN - & its just taken for granted that we ALL go along too - I've gone along with it for the last 4 years as I felt sorry for her, but I'm pissed off that here we are yet again & childless SIL tells DH hell ave to see MIL on Sunday as she's not aroundhmm - I would have gone, but told him I wasn't best pleased - his DM is hard to please & we will have to eat in one of very few places she approves, places we don't actually like - whilst she moans all through it & fidgets to get outside & smoke herself silly.... But my owning up to not being happy meant he over reacted & got a strop on

So I told him - your DM - not mine or DDs so sod off & deal with it yourself - DD & I will now do something nice together grin

PoppyWearer Fri 08-Mar-13 22:25:39

Same thing happens to me. Last year I was the one who made all the plans, ordered and collected all the flowers, cards, presents (as SIL was about to give birth and BIL is useless). DH didn't even bother with a card, so all I got was the one DD made at nursery (which was lovely, but no present, no lie-in, nothing?!).

This year I wanted to spend it with my Mum, just a quiet weekend at our place. But it transpired that MIL was going to be "in the vicinity" and of course it's turned into the whole ILs' family AGAIN.

It seems that my Mum and I don't count. My Mum, bless her, has brought me some flowers and at least DH had the good sense to come home with what looks like a big bag full of expensive toiletries to make up for last/this year...

PleasePudding Fri 08-Mar-13 22:20:55

YADNBU

I get this too. Mothering Sunday is about MIL seeing her children and her grandchildren (my children) and we all fall in.

I don't really care about the day so it doesn't worry me too much but I do feel a bit surprised that it just never occurs to them that the day is not MIL's alone.

YANBU! I've had similar from my sister this year about what we're doing for my mum. I feel like shouting at her, "Hey, I'm a mum too you know"! (She isn't). As it is, I've seen my arse I'll be fucked if I'm lifting a finger on Mother's Day. DD1 has already told me I have to stay in bed so she can bring me a cup of tea in bed. grin (Bless her, I've just taught her how to make tea). And DH has said he's making a roast and has invited my mum here. So my sister can do what she likes, if she wants to come for a roast then fine, if not then she can bloody well sod off! angry

Sorry, slight thread hijack there. blush

mynewpassion Fri 08-Mar-13 21:58:39

If your husband is on the planning why hasn't he communicated the dinner plans to you?

5Foot5 Fri 08-Mar-13 21:00:26

Wow Lonelynessie your MIL sounds awful!

'no you are not doing that, as a mother of two (!) I get the final say'

How did you resist telling her you will do what the hell you like . Does your DH ever stand up to her?

Lonelynessie Fri 08-Mar-13 20:38:36

Yanbu. This happens to me every Mother's Day. My mil books a restaurant and demands that we all go. I don't even get a say. Two years ago whilst pregnant with dd2 I dared to suggest that I wanted to do something with my mum and my dd1 and she actually stuck her hand in the air in front of dd1, dh, bil and sil and said 'no you are not doing that, as a mother of two (!) I get the final say'

Last year i was really feeling ill and my oh said he'd look after me and we'd have a dvd day at home. She made such a fuss that dh ended up taking the kids (as she wanted to spend mothers day with them, not giving a toss about me spending mothers day with my own kids!) This year I got in first and told her that I'm going to my mums with my kids and I don't give a toss what dh does really, I'm not spending another Mother's Day being disregarded.

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