To feel 'railroaded' in these Mother's Day plans?

(57 Posts)
Snufflebabe Fri 08-Mar-13 16:58:09

Spoke with PIL yesterday, who said that they would see us on Sunday, for Mother's day as DH and BIL were organising something for MIL. Lunch or dinner, but they were organising it. No mention of me, or what MY plans, as mother of a 2year old DD might be.

Bumped into SIL (wife of BIL) today who told me that a table was booked In restaurant on Sunday afternoon. I asked if BIL had spoke with my DH and she said no, he had just gone ahead and made the plans, counting us into the numbers.

AIBU to just want to scream "Errrrrr, hello. I am a mother too and I might just like to spend some time wit my OWN family, rather than being TOLD how to spend Mother's day."

I'm pregnant and possibly just hormonal but I just feel no-one has said to me" hey, what are your plans so you too can have some special time on Mother's Day."

Grrrrrrr. I'm not even fussed about Mother's Day, I'm just annoyed that the plans have been made for me!

NinaHeart Fri 08-Mar-13 17:01:26

Don't go!
I have often counted myself out of DH's family "events" and happily they are well used to it now. They just think it is one of my unusual habits not to want to spend every waking moment with them.
You and your child have the day you want.

I hate having plans made for me. It is just rude and is the restaurant toddler friendly? I think YANBU, but it would be nice for your DH to do this for his mum so perhaps grin and bear it for this year and next year enjoy one to yourself

DeepRedBetty Fri 08-Mar-13 17:04:16

So at the moment you don't know if DH is actually involved in this plan or not? He may be thinking it's a lovely surprise for all the mothers in his family. Unfortunately if that's the case he's going to have to learn that some surprises are not lovely at all!

5Foot5 Fri 08-Mar-13 17:04:54

Is your own DM still around and/or living close? If so, then it was quite presumptive on their part that you would automatically go along with their plans for your MIL raher than visit your own DM?

I think perhaps with your own DC so young then you can't necessarily expect Mother's Day to be such a big deal for you yet.

Having said all that I do think that, whatever the occasion, I would be rather cross at someone making plans that include me without asking me first.

Snufflebabe Fri 08-Mar-13 17:08:23

Me and my own mum aren't close, so we wouldn't be spending time together. However, OH went to his mums in the morning, then we went out for lunch in the afternoon with my Grandmother.

Of course, he should see his own mum on Sunday, I just want some consideration too....glad to hearim not being a crazy pregnant person.

ponyandpotatopie Fri 08-Mar-13 17:09:05

That would annoy me as well.

ilovecolinfirth Fri 08-Mar-13 17:10:37

I think Mother's Day when you have young children is very important. This is the time when we're up through the night with them, changing nappies, clearing up sick, teaching them everything....and we're exhausted!

YANBU - I'd let DH take the DCs and then stay home with my feet up

GloriaPritchett Fri 08-Mar-13 17:11:20

Well, YANBU that no one thought to ask you. But look on the bright side- the whole family want to be with you and include you on Mother's Day.

Although I'm a bit confused- DH and BIL are organising but BIL booked?

Snufflebabe Fri 08-Mar-13 17:14:19

Yeah - BIL has organised the whole thing again without any consideration for what my/our plans are.

I'm tempted to just say me and DD won't be there, but then it's just cutting my nose off to spite my face, isn't it.

Do BIL and SIL have kids? It may just not have occurred to them that you're a mother too.

I'm enjoying Mothers Day with my children while they're small and I'm putting in all the hard mum-work. Once they're grown up with kids of their own I'll be happy with a card and a phonecall cos I think they ought to get to experience being the object of the fuss, too. Just like my mum and MIL did when their kids were small.

Check with DH in case he is feeling railroaded too. And then get him to phone and say he can't come cos he'll be busy helping his child to make a fuss of her mother, because he remembers how special that was to him as a child and he wants to recreate that ...

cupcake78 Fri 08-Mar-13 17:16:05

Same problem here and I was also wondering if its because I'm hormonal or just fed up with having weekends dictated to me by pil. They seem to forget I have a family and parents as well.

I am very close to my mum who is going through her own problems at the moment (her husband is dying of cancer) and I think she is in more need of company than they are!

I am about to make myself very unpopular by telling pil we already have plans for Mother's Day, thanks for the offer, hope she has a good day and we will see them later on.

Do they want to include you and make you feel special as a Mother? Or are you another Daughter who has to show up to pay homage? That would make a whole lot of difference to how I felt about it!

Snufflebabe Fri 08-Mar-13 17:18:02

No, BIL/SIL have no kids. To be fair though, PIL made same assumption that we would be there.

NonnoMum Fri 08-Mar-13 17:20:23

So - a lovely restaurant has been booked for you for MD. Lucky you. Stop moaning.

Snufflebabe Fri 08-Mar-13 17:21:51

Bertha - no, I think that's what I'm bothered about. My being there is not because it's a Mother's day celebration, and they want us all to be together. It's for DMIL, who I love dearly. I'm bothered that I've just not even been considered.

I mentioned to my DH last night (at which point nothing was arranged ) and he understood and said he would talk with BIL to see if it's something we want to get involved in. Seems that this conversations hasnt taken place and BIL has gone on, regardless of what my plans might be.

I just feel forgotten about:-(

ToomuchWaternotWine Fri 08-Mar-13 17:27:47

Well hopefully now DH is aware of your feelings about the plans, things will get sorted out for you. Here's hoping you get the Mother's Day you deserve. Put your feet up at the very least!!

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter Fri 08-Mar-13 17:37:22

Same in this house too, was the same last year too. Although this year I'm not invited (long story!). So I could truly cry about it, especially every flipping advert goes on about it.
I feel guilty and totally irrational for feeling like this which just makes it worse

thezebrawearspurple Fri 08-Mar-13 17:45:09

Nobody else can make plans for you if you refuse to follow them!!! Tell them you can't go and make your own plans.

TheSeniorWrangler Fri 08-Mar-13 17:55:13

yanbu, it would have been nice if they'd let you and DMIL choose somewhere for both of you.

My mothers day last until midday when we will be spending the rest with my mom to celebrate hers.

although apparently according to mumsnet i'm unreasonable for expecting DH to make a fuss of me in the AM (lie-in, breakfast in bed) because i'm not his mum hmm

MoYerBoat Fri 08-Mar-13 18:11:19

Christ you sound precious! It's just a Sunday meal out! Go along and ENJOY yourself.

ChaoticisasChaoticdoes Fri 08-Mar-13 18:43:02

YANBU I'd be pissed off if someone told me they'd arranged something that included me without consulting me too.

It may be a lovely restaurant but it wasn't booked for the OP it was booked for her MIL. The OP may prefer to do something else with her day, not everyone wants to go for a meal on Mother's Day, it would be my mum's idea of hell.

Euphemia Fri 08-Mar-13 18:46:04

Want to swap and drive my parents round the whole county to place flowers on their mothers' graves? hmm

jenduck Fri 08-Mar-13 18:48:03

YANBU. I totally get this too. Am the youngest of 3 DC (DC1 is 7 years older than me, DC2 is 3 years older than me) & feel like things are organised & then I'm told about them not asked! So, this Sunday, I am told we are going round to my parents' house for tea. Not a thought to the fact that, for once, we are also seeing PIL this Mother's Day (they live over 100 miles away) & might have liked to do something for both mothers ourselves. Or that we, as a little family of 4, might have liked to do something hmm

Make sure you get breakfast in bed or at least a lie-in, OP!

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