To not tell anyone bar DP when I go into labour?

(76 Posts)
Dannilion Sun 03-Mar-13 18:31:51

Just that really.

36 weeks PG with PFB and for some reason, I really don't want anyone to know when I go into labour. I feel like it would be an added pressure, I would get stressed out with the constant texts/phone calls and have this vision of DM turning up at the labour ward and pacing the corridors for what could potentially be days. Also, I know it's terribly pessimistic but if something (god forbid) were to go wrong, at least I wouldn't be being pressured for 'news', I could have a small bit of time to myself first.

I would much rather just call people when she has arrived, had her first feed and I am not covered in blood. I think it would be lovely to have that little private time just the 3 of us too.

DP thinks IABU, that my DM would be distraught if she didn't know and that it would piss other people off.

AIBU?

Kaida Mon 04-Mar-13 06:20:46

We didn't tell anyone when I went into labour apart from the people I wanted at the delivery. I can't imagine why anyone would feel they needed to know. YANBU. Glad your DH now gets it. I also was incredibly vague about my due date, and I'd do exactly the same again.

Jojobump1986 Mon 04-Mar-13 06:42:33

I didn't plan on telling anyone. Didn't have much choice when my waters broke in a room full of people! Serves me right for being out & about at 8 days overdue! grin I think I'll be staying closer to home this time! wink

aufaniae Mon 04-Mar-13 06:44:16

YANBU, but they may work it out from themselves.

When I had DS, friends and family were calling practically daily by the time I went into labour, asking "any news yet?"

When I did go into labour, they sussed it, word spread and suddenly the phone was ringing non-stop (while I having contractions!). They meant well, but I took the phone off DP and switched it off, mid-call, cutting one of my best friends off! I would never usually do such a thing, but it was ridiculous!

This time, I think we'll turn the phones off when I go into labour, perhaps leaving a message on the voicemail saying we're having the baby, and we'll contact people when we're ready to.

exoticfruits Mon 04-Mar-13 07:25:45

I never understand why people do- it never occurred to me. Just tell them afterwards - if they get upset tell them there wasn't time.

pollywollydoodle Mon 04-Mar-13 09:19:11

my previously much liked MIL invaded as soon as she was told about dds arrival..would n't leave what she called "my baby "..got cross if anybody else wanted to visit in "our slots" (i was in for a week) ..wanted to stay when we came homesad

our relationship has never really recovered

i'm really glad we didn't tell her about the induction it could have so much worse if she'd invaded the labour and birth in the same way way

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Mon 04-Mar-13 09:32:11

Yanbu OP and glad DP now realises this, good luck.

PS Love Rootvegetables' anecdote about swapping photos - new sofa, newborn! grin

DreamingOfTheMaldives Mon 04-Mar-13 09:32:45

One of my best friends told me, and couple of others, when she went into labour. We spent the next 24 hours panicking as to whether everything was OK because we hadn't heard from them! We didn't feel it was right to text as didn't want to pester but were desperate to hear that they were alright!

Once you tell people you have gone into labour they are going to be worrying for you so unless your DH is going to send regular updates (which I very much doubt he will) then it is probably kinder all round not to tell them. For me, my Mum would be the exception to this.

I agree, with pfb you only need to tell DH and maybe the midwife wink

I'm feeling like a bitch because I am deliberately not telling PIL I'm pg until I really have to - history of related bad behaviour I am feeling over sensitive about, and DH isn't happy but is supportive of my decision. By comparison, you are totally sane, reasonable and justified.

Good luck x

Oh and I didn't realise until afterwards that DH had done a live FB commentary of my very long, excruciating labour and delivery with DC1 (he was "bored" apparently) but he didn't dare with DC2 grin

I don't think I got any benefit from visitors in hospital and it made it hard to get used to bf at the beginning. I'd be very tempted not to allow any at all, assuming one wasn't in for long.

Bramshott Mon 04-Mar-13 09:44:00

Not quite sure why you WOULD tell people TBH.

Phoning my mum to say "I've just had a baby" twice was very special.

moonblues Mon 04-Mar-13 09:47:36

YANBU!
My waters went overnight and after a quick exam in the hospital I was sent back home to get on with it. My DH phoned my MIL who promptly arrived and started making herself comfortable! I had to take my DH into the kitchen and whisper "you have to make her go home, now!" Which he did thank God, but apparently she was crying in my SIL's car outside my house!
Would have been much easier if she hadn't of known.

Pootle78 Mon 04-Mar-13 10:05:24

YADNBU - with ds1 we told no one, labour started at 8.30 in the morning, I ignored a few phone calls, my best friend was supposed to be coming for dinner and her text got missed (but I'm sure she guessed but said nothing) apparently at 7pm my mum and sister were discussing if eitherof them had any contact from me and as it was a no, mum rang at 1918, ds1 was born at 1919!!!!

With ds2 I was induced so mil knew as she had to have ds1, my parents and my sister and that was it. I was in for 4 days with nothing happening so couldn't bare to have people asking. When it all happened we phoned our parents to say ds2 had arrived, mum thought we were phoning to bring in extra food supplies!!!

My friend told me she was being induced on the Tuesday, by Saturday I'd still heard nothing and was getting very concerned, eventually I had to phone her mum to make sure everything was ok as I'd been worrying. Her dd arrived another 24 hours later, what people don't know means they can't worry about it!

LeBoob Mon 04-Mar-13 10:09:13

YADNBU! We did exactly this. However his parents and grandparents turned up to visit about half hour before my waters broke. Needless to say I was a bit green at the time & not up for polite chit chat!

elliejjtiny Mon 04-Mar-13 10:56:48

YANBU. I'm not telling people I'm in labour apart from PIL who will be looking after my other DC's. I'm expecting people to be furious though, especially after the reaction we got when we didn't announce the pregnancy the minute the pink line appeared on the stick.

somewherewest Mon 04-Mar-13 13:13:23

YANBU. It worked for us, although I had a quick, overnight labour which probably made it easier. No one minded at all.

sparklekitty Mon 04-Mar-13 13:18:04

I'd planned to tell the world when I finally went into labour (40+4 not that late but very grumpy) As it was it was so intense and all consuming (obviously) because my labour came on quite quickly that my DH only managed to tell my mum before my DD arrived!

You are definitely NBU.

Dogsmom Mon 04-Mar-13 13:37:45

I think it's just another sign of the times, we've become so used to being permanently 'contactable' through facebook and mobile phones etc and have lost a lot of our privacy.

It's not that long ago that it wouldn't have been feasible to try and get in touch with people to let them know the woman was in labour and it was the norm for the woman to go in, have the baby then the husband queue for the payphone to let the granparents know who would then visit them once the baby and mother were home.

jynier Tue 05-Mar-13 03:55:53

Crikey, Danillion - now I want to know when you go into labour!!! Will you let us know when your baby is born? Best wishes!

MidniteScribbler Tue 05-Mar-13 04:13:37

I didn't tell anyone I was being induced, just went to the hospital at 7am without telling anyone. DS was born at 6:30pm, but it was 8:30 by the time we got back on the ward. I rang one person interstate to tell her, because she was going to get a flight as soon as he was born (she got one the next morning), but other than that, didn't tell a sole until the next morning when I took a photo and put it on facebook. I told everyone in advance that I wouldn't be making phone calls, just the picture on facebook when he arrived, so no one could get snarky about not getting a personal call. My neighbour and friend sms'd me that night because she saw my car had been gone all day and guessed, but she's had four kids, so was smart enough to leave me in peace! She visited the next day while I was in hospital (after asking if it was ok) but then I was home that night (24 hours after he was born) anyways so could have visitors at home, which was much easier and more relaxing.

Do what you want. There's only so many times in your life that you have to push a whole person out your you-know-where so do it your way!

GirlOutNumbered Tue 05-Mar-13 04:15:35

Yanbu as its your choice and probably a good idea. I went in to be induced and so poor mum knew and then heard nothing. She was frantic with worry, I would have preferred her not to be. Iykwim.

Wishfulmakeupping Tue 05-Mar-13 04:38:15

I didnt tell anyone it worked well for us- I just didn't want the added pressure of people knowing and constantly asking god updates whist I was in labour. Do what feels best and good luck smile

williaminajetfighter Tue 05-Mar-13 05:57:12

Count yourself lucky OP. I was living in a new city when I gave birth and aside from my DP there was no one around to call or drop by the hospital. I'm also not very close to family.

Friends and family interested and excited about your pending birth??!! Some nuisance!

diddl Tue 05-Mar-13 07:16:29

Never occurred to us at all that we would call anyone until after the baby was born tbh.

As it was, PFB came pre 30 wks, so we hadn't even got as far as rellies mentioning it.

With PSB, if my neighbour could have looked after my PFB, then she would have been the only one to know until after the event.

As it was she was at work & we had to call ILs over for childcare.

PetWoman Tue 05-Mar-13 08:07:02

YANBU. Definitely.

I naively told lots of people (long labour) and actually texted friends from the birth pool (at home). Then DH rang DM again to let her know that we had to transfer to hospital. I thought we'd agreed that my parents would visit a few days after DS was born, but when DH rang them to say DS had arrived they were already in the car, halfway through the 4 hour journey! They then insisted on visiting us in hospital the next day (despite me being exhausted, smelly, and half dressed because I was trying to get the hang of bfing) and then came over again when we got home that evening. TBH it was all a bit much. I was stressed about it and my mum got upset: clearly we hadn't communicated our plans / expectations clearly enough. So basically, wait till your LO arrives and then tell people!

tangerinefeathers Tue 05-Mar-13 10:16:11

YADNBU

I wish I had thought as you do for my first. My mother was calling constantly to check on my progress, then making comments about how I'd taken 'messing around to the next level' when the labour took so long.

Finally we went to hospital and turned off our phones, then when I rang to tell her I'd had the baby she yelled at me for not calling as 'they had been SO WORRIED.'

My sister then arrived at the delivery room and stayed for four hours even though we'd been awake all night.... total nightmare.

This time I am taking no chances:

Fake due date (by three weeks)

Handing DS dressed in spiderman suit to neighbour/friend with strict instructions to keep schtum and not appear in public.

Briefing midwives, admin staff, telephone operators, anyone I can think of that there are to be no visitors.

All phones deposited in cups of water at the first contraction.

My husband making the first phone call to my mother after we are home from hospital - she won't dare yell at him grin

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