To think mum has ruined 'surprise' baby shower deliberately??

(66 Posts)
chubbychipmonk Wed 27-Feb-13 23:01:38

Ok, so am 37 weeks pg with DC2. My mum has always been very self centred, opinionated, not very maternal etc etc. She's not shown a lot of compassion or helped a lot over recent weeks when both me & my DH have been working full time & it's been a hassle for her any time she's been asked (which is very rarely) to help look after our 3 year old DS. I finish up work this Fri for mat leave after a long, tiring pregnancy.

Anyway. . . Tonight on the phone to her the conversation goes:

Mum ' oh . . I got a text from your friend X today'
Me 'Really, what about?
Mum ' oh , you don't know?? Oh never mind'
Me 'know what mum, what are you talking about??'
Mum ' it doesn't matter, I'll speak to X (my DH) about it tomorrow'
Me ' what are you going to speak to DH about?? I don't understand'
Mum (in a now annoying coy voice) 'have you not been on Facebook lately?'
Me 'yes, why??' (Now starting to realise there's some sort of surprise planned)
Mum ' oh it doesn't matter, just forget I said anything'.

I then came off the phone & relayed the conversation to my DH saying how confused I was & then when I saw his face realised he was in on the 'surprise' too.

End result is my DH then text my friend who phoned really upset, I told her (& DH) that I still technically don't know anything so whatever 'surprise' has been planned is still technically not ruined. Said to friend, was she sure my mum knew she wasn't meant to say anything to which I was told that yes, she was fully aware it was a surprise and a secret. She's not a stupid woman so I'm inclined to agree. My gut feeling is that it's a baby shower that's been planned & I'm really happy that its been arranged for me but am now really sad to think my mum ruined the surprise deliberately! I still don't know any of the details so its still technically a surprise!

My DH is raging, this is the final icing on the cake for him (as I said, long list of previous episodes) but there's a part of me that would like to believe she didn't deliberately ruin the surprise for me, although I know deep down I'm kidding myself.

Why would she want to be so spiteful? Am I being unreasonable to think she ruined surprise on purpose? Sorry for spelling errors, a, typing furiously coz am upset!

chubbychipmonk Thu 28-Feb-13 00:49:08

Yes I agree.. However I am well placed to judge her negatively on the numerous other things she has said / done over the past 35 years. . I was merely using that one as an example.

INeverSaidThat Thu 28-Feb-13 00:50:35

She sounds mean. Personally, I would never ask her to babysit as I would rather pay someone to do it and not have to be indebted to her.

chubbychipmonk Thu 28-Feb-13 00:53:07

Inever that's exactly how my DH and I feel and have regular conversations about it, hence why she's only asked rarely when absolutely necessary hmm

It's not about the lack of babysitting!!

MammaTJ Thu 28-Feb-13 00:55:28

Maybe she is just excited for you. hmm

chubbychipmonk Thu 28-Feb-13 01:16:06

Thank you whereyouleft!!

myBOYSareBONKERS Thu 28-Feb-13 03:42:11

I would do what was suggested earlier and get DH to tell her it's cancelled. Really sorry that you have her as your mother. I hope you don't see her much.

MidnightMasquerader Thu 28-Feb-13 03:52:44

YANBU - sorry your Mum is such a self-absorbed person.

I would absolutely have your friend or DH get in touch with her and tell her it's cancelled. And then go ahead and have a good old knees-up without the spiteful witch.

There is no point pussy-foot around people like this; they're either too thick-skinned or emotionally dense to 'get it'. You have to be as forthright as them, and play them at their own game.

Good luck. smile

MusicalEndorphins Thu 28-Feb-13 03:54:41

Bummer. But you must now erase it from your mind,
<waves magic eraser wand around chubbychipmonk's head>

Kannet Thu 28-Feb-13 07:24:15

My mum has just done the same thing,my sister has big birthday coming up,we planned surprise and my mum just went and told her, plain spiteful

jackstini Thu 28-Feb-13 07:31:14

Chubby, unfortunately sounds like it's on purpose.
Even if she had forgotten it was a surprise, after your first query she should have just shut up, not gone all cryptic on you.

Kannet - that's awful.
Did you ask her straight out why she felt the need to do that?

usualsuspect Thu 28-Feb-13 07:40:10

Calling someone's else's mum a bitch is horrible. Maybe it just slipped out,i hate having to keep surprise parties secret.it's only a baby shower no biggie really.

usualsuspect Thu 28-Feb-13 07:43:36

Spiteful witch? Just yuk at this thread.

chubbychipmonk Thu 28-Feb-13 07:49:25

Usual, yes to not liking keeping a secret but you would still keep your mouth shut tho? It's the fact that she's undone my friends hard work & deliberately ruined the surprise for me that's really shit. As someone said earlier its coz its something not about her. And I know it's only a bang shower but that's not really the point? Very upsetting to think my mum wants to get all spiteful on me at 9 months pregnant hmm

myBOYSareBONKERS Thu 28-Feb-13 07:59:04

USUAL - it may "only" be a baby shower to you but it is the kindness of OPs friends and the hard work they have put in to do this which is so so lovely. Lovely friends.

It wasn't your mothers surprise to ruin or news to tell. Bang out of order and I would have a hard think about what you include her in in the future.

usualsuspect Thu 28-Feb-13 08:04:31

I can undrestand the op being annoyed and if she's happy to have loads of internet randoms calling her mother a bitch etc then carry on

fluffyraggies Thu 28-Feb-13 08:07:41

Thinking long term OP i would make a mental note to keep any future surprises for your children or adults in the family a secret from her.

You can enjoy the moment when you reveal the secret to her a couple of hours before the event, saying 'yeah, we didn't tell you because we know you find it hard to remember not to say anything'.

This will prevent her 'accidently' spoiling the surprise or, poor love, her having the awful burden of having to keep a secret. Sadly this will mean she will also miss out on the delicious excitement of the build up too - hey ho, we reap what we sow ay? wink

chubbychipmonk Thu 28-Feb-13 08:11:11

Usual, of course it's not nice having anyone all your mum a bitch. This is the problem, I always stick up for her, she didn't mean it etc. My DH has been calling her a lot worse names in the last 24hours & I was going down the whole 'may she did it accidentally' road but posting on here sadly makes me realise what my gut instinct was telling me all along, that she is a bit of a bitch & did it on purpose.

chubbychipmonk Thu 28-Feb-13 08:12:47

Like it fluffy! Also liking the idea of telling her its cancelled & then going ahead without her!

diddl Thu 28-Feb-13 08:14:17

Well only you know your Mum well enough to really judge whether or not it was likely to be deliberate.

I find your husband's reaction very odd though.

And your friend-crying??

Still, they'll neither of them tell her anything about anything in future, will they?

Whocansay Thu 28-Feb-13 08:18:24

I think everyone's overreacting a bit here, tbh. It's hardly the end of the world. What your mum did isn't very nice, but you can still go and enjoy the party.

I would tell her nothing in future if she's likely to use the information for her own ends. And I'd tell her that the party was cancelled, so she doesn't go!

I hope you have a lovely time. And congratulations.

chubbychipmonk Thu 28-Feb-13 08:22:20

Don't get me wrong, friend wasn't sobbing her heart out or anything but there was a wobble in her voice, could tell she was upset. Prob coz she knows this is the most recent in a long line of events like it sadly hmm

chubbychipmonk Thu 28-Feb-13 08:23:32

Thanks whocan, not going to let her ruin it smile

DontmindifIdo Thu 28-Feb-13 08:24:30

I do like the idea of telling her it's cancelled, then going ahead anyway...

It's sad when you realise that some people do need to have their involvment limited, but it looks like the case here. I guess it's a lesson to you all. It's a pity because she'll miss out, but if she can't be trusted not to make things about her in one way or another, best you do.

myBOYSareBONKERS Thu 28-Feb-13 08:24:39

DIDDL - I find your husband's reaction very odd though.

which reaction?

And your friend-crying??

so would I out of anger and frustration!!

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