To think mum has ruined 'surprise' baby shower deliberately??

(66 Posts)
chubbychipmonk Wed 27-Feb-13 23:01:38

Ok, so am 37 weeks pg with DC2. My mum has always been very self centred, opinionated, not very maternal etc etc. She's not shown a lot of compassion or helped a lot over recent weeks when both me & my DH have been working full time & it's been a hassle for her any time she's been asked (which is very rarely) to help look after our 3 year old DS. I finish up work this Fri for mat leave after a long, tiring pregnancy.

Anyway. . . Tonight on the phone to her the conversation goes:

Mum ' oh . . I got a text from your friend X today'
Me 'Really, what about?
Mum ' oh , you don't know?? Oh never mind'
Me 'know what mum, what are you talking about??'
Mum ' it doesn't matter, I'll speak to X (my DH) about it tomorrow'
Me ' what are you going to speak to DH about?? I don't understand'
Mum (in a now annoying coy voice) 'have you not been on Facebook lately?'
Me 'yes, why??' (Now starting to realise there's some sort of surprise planned)
Mum ' oh it doesn't matter, just forget I said anything'.

I then came off the phone & relayed the conversation to my DH saying how confused I was & then when I saw his face realised he was in on the 'surprise' too.

End result is my DH then text my friend who phoned really upset, I told her (& DH) that I still technically don't know anything so whatever 'surprise' has been planned is still technically not ruined. Said to friend, was she sure my mum knew she wasn't meant to say anything to which I was told that yes, she was fully aware it was a surprise and a secret. She's not a stupid woman so I'm inclined to agree. My gut feeling is that it's a baby shower that's been planned & I'm really happy that its been arranged for me but am now really sad to think my mum ruined the surprise deliberately! I still don't know any of the details so its still technically a surprise!

My DH is raging, this is the final icing on the cake for him (as I said, long list of previous episodes) but there's a part of me that would like to believe she didn't deliberately ruin the surprise for me, although I know deep down I'm kidding myself.

Why would she want to be so spiteful? Am I being unreasonable to think she ruined surprise on purpose? Sorry for spelling errors, a, typing furiously coz am upset!

Nombrechanger Wed 27-Feb-13 23:03:53

Mums can be bitches.

Sorry not very helpful.

she sounds like a dick. also sound like my mum. who would have also used nauseating couple voice. don't be annoyed just be pleased you have lovely friends. and practice this faceshock . wink

argh coy voice!

MidniteScribbler Wed 27-Feb-13 23:07:12

Baby shower for a second baby? Really???

Kytti Wed 27-Feb-13 23:07:23

My Mum's a complete cow too. I feel for you.

Love your friends instead. smile

chubbychipmonk Wed 27-Feb-13 23:08:16

Not really the point of the discussion Midnight. . . I didn't plan this remember!

If it was a one off or she has a bit of a habit of putting her foot in it then I would give her the benefit of the doubt. However, given you've hinted at previous bad behaviour I think she was trying to make it about her and played a game to make herself feel important/ drag the attention on to her.

SailorVie Wed 27-Feb-13 23:10:44

Mums can be selfish jealous idiots sadly.

midnight op not only didn't plan it... but it was a surprise. maybe worry about the actual op?

what chaz said.

chubbychipmonk Wed 27-Feb-13 23:12:17

No she doesn't have a habit of putting her foot in it except for the times when she opens her mouth & insults people without any regard for the consequences. Her favourite saying is (in a very superior voice) 'well your not going to like what I'm going to say, but I'm saying it anyway'. . . Am inclined to agree with you (much as it saddens me) that she's done it to make it about her.

AnameIcouldnotthinkof Wed 27-Feb-13 23:13:12

My mum is similar to yours. I feel for you OP.
Try not to be annoyed and just look forward to your surprise and focus on your lovely friends and DH etc who have planned something nice for you.
smile

Snazzynewyear Wed 27-Feb-13 23:16:13

Ok, so here's what you do:

- Go to whatever it is and be 'surprised' and have a great time. Tell your mate you have blanked it from your head due to pregnancy brain wink
- If/when your mum says anything else, if it's before the event, say 'Oh, there's someone at the door / the dinner's overcooked, I've got to go'. If she says on the say 'Ooh, I nearly gave it away on the phone that time', reply 'What, did you? I don't remember anything, I don't think I can have really been listening to you' grin

Don't let this be spoilt for you.

PedlarsSpanner Wed 27-Feb-13 23:17:51

yes much of my family positively ELBOW each other outta the way to spill beans/try to be The First to Tell stuff/are on the lookout, eyes peeled for ANY signs of owt being planned so's they can blab

mucho sympathy

if you were really evil you could get friend to text your mum and say that as you know about surprise she has canceled and will plan something else with details to follow. wink you go and enjoy your self with out her grin

thebody Wed 27-Feb-13 23:29:05

Oh dear. You know what you are pregnant so that's fantastic. You have a 3 year old and a dh that obviously loves you and kind friends who plan surprises for you.

Enjoy your party, maternity leave and family life.

Your mum sounds nasty and probably jealous. I can't get my head around that and neither will most posters in her who adore their Dcs and wouldn't do this sort of thing for the world.

Unfortunately you won't change her so just ignore her as best you can and feel sorry for her as she's the one missing out here.

Christ, if I wasn't an only child I'd swear you were talking aboutmy mother!

Sorry the surprise was ruined, but at least you get a party grin

And it might be no bad thing that your mother has shown her true colours, at least you all know where you stand with her now

mummymeister Wed 27-Feb-13 23:43:44

OP you need to speak to your mum after the do. start it off with "you are not going to like what i say but i am going to say it anyway" and then tell her that even if it was an accident then it was a pretty crap thing to do when she knew it was a surprise. TBH i would preface every unpleasant thing i had to say to her with this but then i have been in your position for the past 50+ years so perhaps have less patience/giving the benefit of the doubt than you do.

McNewPants2013 Wed 27-Feb-13 23:52:53

I am sorry your mum spoiled the surprise, but why isn't your anger also aimed at your husband. Why did he feel the need to text this friend and tell her all your hardwork has been spoiled.

chubbychipmonk Thu 28-Feb-13 00:20:40

I'm guessing they're in it & have planned it together, he was probably just giving her the heads up in case I started asking her any questions like 'why were you texting my mum'?

Catchingmockingbirds Thu 28-Feb-13 00:26:27

Yabu complaining about her not babysitting for you, but not about the party, it does sound quite deliberate. If that's the case then it was really nasty, don't let her ruin your day though, I'm sure you'll have a great time.

chubbychipmonk Thu 28-Feb-13 00:33:19

I wasn't complaining about her lack of babysitting I was trying to paint the overall picture of how unmaternal & uncompassionate she is given that on the rare occasions recently I have asked her to help look after her 3 year old grandson because I'm at work full time (not for a night out) its a hassle and inconvenience for her, at least that's how it seems to me sad

"if you were really evil you could get friend to text your mum and say that as you know about surprise she has canceled and will plan something else with details to follow."
Great idea! Without her there, you'll enjoy whatever your friend has planned so much more and your mother will be aware that she has shot herself in the foot.

Catchingmockingbirds Thu 28-Feb-13 00:45:24

If she's so uncompassionate then surely you wouldn't want her babysitting anyway, some people enjoy babysitting and others don't like the responsibility, I don't think you can judge someone negatively because they don't provide childcare for you.

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