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AIBU?

To think DH could get kids in pyjamas and upstairs at least

30 replies

Speedos · 22/02/2013 20:39

I went to the gym tonight at 6.30, got home at 7.45. DH had done nothing to get the kids ready for bed, they were still downstairs watching tv, they are 2 and 5.

I had the 2yo already in pj's before I left, all he had to do was get the 5yo undressed and at least upstairs, he can't cope with actually putting them in bed on his own.

The above scenario has happened twice this week as it's half term, I never normally go out in the evenings.

Is this too much to fucking ask?

Something has just flipped in me over tonight and his lack of doing anything for or with the children on his own initiative.

OP posts:

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oscarwilde · 22/02/2013 20:48

I hear you. DH walked in the door at 6pm this evening, first time this week he's been home before 8 with work, haircut, social calendar. I've gotten 14 week old and 2.5 DD's bathed and in bed by then. He's been fuck all help and frankly a hindrance since he got in. He's now reading DD1 a story and has the hump as I snapped at him to change DD2's nappy instead of "looking after her" holding her while playing with his phone . He's generally v good, cooks evening meal when he gets in but is oblivious to time. He's going to be hacked off now that we won't eat until 9.30 if we're lucky. Grrrrrr.

TheDoctrineOfSciAndNatureClub · 22/02/2013 20:57

Yep, that sucks OP.

milbracat · 22/02/2013 21:12

You didn't raise the issue at the "interview"
ie when you were merely boyfriend and girlfriend?

TheDoctrineOfSciAndNatureClub · 22/02/2013 21:53

Once more, with feeling...

Milibra, my understanding is that plenty of men change after kids arrive, having been equal partners before that.

Speedos · 22/02/2013 21:57

We were boyfriend and girlfriend 13 years ago! He has got progressively worse since the second was born....

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Jacksmania · 22/02/2013 21:57

There was an interview?

mrsjay · 22/02/2013 21:57

you need to tell him he is being a lazy arse kids in bed at X time he isnt a child tell him he needs to do it sometimes people cant be bothered ith the hassle but they need to do it as well as the other parent dont put up with his arseyness. your children are only small what else wont he be able to 'cope with' as they get older

Jacksmania · 22/02/2013 21:58

Speedos, that's shit. :(

So - are you going to talk to him about it? How is he likely to react?

Jacksmania · 22/02/2013 21:59

Hang on, I missed the part about him getting the hump about not eating until 9:30... has he broken both arms or is doing something about dinner also not in the cards?

Speedos · 22/02/2013 22:00

I haven't actually spoken to him again tonight since I put the youngest to bed. I cannot be bothered with the 'who works harder' argument tonight and he is away for the weekend from tomorrow morning.

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Speedos · 22/02/2013 22:01

The not eating till 9.30 was another poster, I didn't do any dinner at all tonight.

OP posts:

Speedos · 22/02/2013 22:03

He will get arsey and say I didn't tell him to get them ready for bed and then moan about me going to gym in the first place.

OP posts:

SonOfAradia · 22/02/2013 22:06

Nah that's shite. he really needs ro man up and do his share.

Getting the kid(s) to bed is simply part of the teamwork in a proper relationship.

SonOfAradia · 22/02/2013 22:08

say I didn't tell him to get them ready for bed

Priceless. Why should you HAVE to tell him. It's bleeding obvios.

mrsjay · 22/02/2013 22:10

He will get arsey and say I didn't tell him to get them ready for bed and then moan about me going to gym in the first place.

Is he always so nasty to you ?

iMyself · 22/02/2013 22:12

Ah feck that "you didn't tell me" nonsense. DH comes out with that now and again. I reel off all the things I do without being told and remind him he's an adult too.

Jacksmania · 22/02/2013 22:12

Oops
Got my posts mixed up.

Who the actual fuck has to TELL a grown man to put his children to bed???? Did he think they were just going to toddle off by themselves?

Is he usually a wanker?

mrsjay · 22/02/2013 22:14

I reel off all the things I do without being told and remind him he's an adult too.

that when mine were little sometimes my dh would start of saying but you didnt tell me too with a whingey voice Id say well you know now get on with it, OP tbh I wouldn't have got the 5 yr old ready for bed Id have made his dad do it

Fairenuff · 22/02/2013 22:19

You have two options.

Don't do anything about the children until he tell you to. This will demonstrate how ridiculous his statement is.
Make the bedtime routine his responsibility until he has had enough practice to get the hang of it.

Snazzynewyear · 22/02/2013 22:19

So are you never supposed to be out between say 6-8pm? Do you have to do bedtime every single night? What else do you do all the time that he doesn't?

AnnieLobeseder · 22/02/2013 22:20

Occasionally I gave to use the phrase "sorry, I mistook you for an intelligent competent adult" when he moans that it's my fault something isn't done because I didn't tell him to do it. But thankfully not often.

TheDoctrineOfSciAndNatureClub · 22/02/2013 22:22

Nice one Anmie.

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Speedos · 22/02/2013 22:24

He does usually read to the eldest and lies with him for ten minutes after, never does any of the getting ready for either and never put youngest to bed.

He is not usually a wanker just hates me going to the gym anytime apart from weekdays. I am a bit of an addict and go most days and also sat morn - he hates this but it's my fav class. Apart from this one sat morn a week my gym never impacts on him obviously apart from this week being half term - 5 yo can no longer go in creche.

He just doesn't seem to enjoy doing things with or for the kids.

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Speedos · 22/02/2013 22:26

I can hear him making noises like he is coming upstairs so may not be able to answer anymore tonight.

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badguider · 22/02/2013 22:29

It is shit and he shouldn't have to be told but if it is a change from the normal routine then I would have just had a quick chat about what I was expecting before I left - e.g. if get them into jamies and upstairs by 7 and i'll pop in to see them when i'm back? or something similar... just general swapping 'shifts' chat... DH would do the same to me.. or if he went to the gym i'd say 'will you be back to do stories? i'll get them ready for you...'

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