to miss my name

(37 Posts)
WinkyWinkola Tue 19-Feb-13 23:08:57

and to wish I'd never taken dh's name even though we have a good marriage?

I had my name for 33 years and I didn't even think to keep it but now I have 3 sils with my family name, I feel a pang.

RaspberryRuffle Thu 21-Feb-13 23:37:35

You could always just use your maiden name 'unofficially' for a while, introducing yourself with that and gradually change back. I wouldn't worry what your DD thinks, she'll see that you (presumably) don't change just because your name changes.
Of course take your DH's feelings into account and explain your reasons for the change of heart, depending on his views you may need to tread softly?

I wouldn't change my name because it's such a faff and I don't like that tradition anyway having lived in countries where it is not the norm. My MIL did start off calling me Mrs 'her surname' and that actually freaked me out no end as it's her name and I am not her! But she has got used to it now as I corrected it and now she is quite nice about it tbh (unlike DH's brother's wife who insists on 'married name').

I suppose I'm a non surname changing type really so my answer is biased...just don't get why some men are so precious about it when they wouldn't want to change their names.

To longjane, after your divorce could you reinvent yourself and leave that surname and that chapter behind, with a surname that you like, or maybe a family surname that is not your maiden name, your mother or grandmother's surname?

OOAOML Thu 21-Feb-13 22:40:29

I think as long as you don't intend any fraud, there's no problem with bank accounts in different names. Passport and driving licence might be more of an issue as both tend to be used as official proof of identity, so if you were hiring a car it might be an issue, I'm not sure though.

longjane Thu 21-Feb-13 17:53:38

I wish i had given my kids my maiden as middle name as after 20 years of marriage i getting divorced and am thinking about going back to maiden name .
but
my maiden name is very very stupid and cause lots of hassle
and put together with my married would have been very dumb
so
at least my kids did not get bullied because of their name

cheeseandchive Thu 21-Feb-13 17:41:25

Out of interest, can you legally use either your maiden or married name and just switch between both?
I changed my passport to my married name, and have just changed most accounts/utilities because I thought I had to. But can I change my driving license from Miss to Ms. maidenname and keep a bank account in that name too. So I have passport and bank statements for one, and driving license and bank statements for another and can use whichever one I want to? Or do I have to choose and stick to one?!

Apologies for the totally ignorant question!

Standingonlego Wed 20-Feb-13 23:01:45

My ds1 has my maiden name as his middle name, tis a Scottish thing smile

dikkertjedap Wed 20-Feb-13 22:00:54

I have always kept my maiden name. Lots of people struggle with that concept though and keep addressing me with my DH name.

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter Wed 20-Feb-13 16:05:18

I wished I'd given my ds my name :0(

This is exactly why I double-barrelled mine!
And when we split, I just dropped his bit from the end and was 'me' again.
At least you do have SIL so they will continue the family name.
If you want it back though, change it - simples!

CoffeeandCremeEggs Wed 20-Feb-13 14:45:18

I changed my name. I didn't have any particularly strong feelings about my surname and it was important to DH that his surname be "kept alive" as he is the last one in his family to have it as both his sisters have married and taken their husbands' names.

I have kept my maiden name as my middle name though.

That said: if you miss it, change back!

ErikNorseman Wed 20-Feb-13 14:18:43

Purple there is no official change moment. You can use your marriage certificate to change passport, bank accounts etc, or not. You don't give up your old name, you still have the right to use it.

Trazzletoes Wed 20-Feb-13 13:56:16

Purple the marriage certificate has your maiden name on but if you take your husband's name, the certificate is proof of the name change so you just take it to the bank/ send it off with passport application etc etc.

Loz1980 Wed 20-Feb-13 13:30:39

I was more than happy to change my name when I married but admit that I feel a bit funny now because my brother has just proposed to his girlfriend who has the same name as me. I feel jealous (ridiculous I know) that she will have my old name once she's married.

PurpleBlossom Wed 20-Feb-13 13:30:21

Sounds a silly question (and sorry for hijack OP) but when do you actually change your name? Is it on there when you sign your marriage certificate? I'm getting married in April and have no idea confusedblush

WellTravelledPrawn Wed 20-Feb-13 13:24:56

A colleague reverted to her maiden name at work (after 15 years!) as her brother in law is very famous (with a distinctive surname) and she got fed up with people asking if she was related to him.

You could just change it back bit by bit, first the passport, then the medical records etc.

I don't know about other posters, but it can sometimes be tricky having 2 different names (I have 4, as I use a diminutive of my first name too). The other day a woman from a shop said 'oh yes, your father said you might be in, but he didn't seem to know what you were called'!

I've used both since we got married 7.5 years ago. Passports, medical and financial stuff all in my maiden name, and anything child-related (e.g. who I am known as at DC school/nursery etc) has my married name to make things easier there.

Occasionally I forget which name I've used where, but it's really unusual and most people are fine searching under either name - nobody has acted surprised.

I love my old name, I didn't want to give it up! Even more so since my father passed away a few years ago - weirdly it feels like one of the few links I still have to him as due to complicated circumstances I never had anything of his.

valiumredhead Wed 20-Feb-13 09:32:03

That's why I kept my name when I married!

ErikNorseman Wed 20-Feb-13 08:36:36

YANBU! You don't give up your name when you get married, you are entitled to revert at any time. Just go back! Why not?

yellowsheep Wed 20-Feb-13 08:32:05

I had a beautiful double barrelled name - one of only 5 people in uk to havr the name - i thought it would die out as db has sn...... luckily my sis is marrying a lovley lady who is taking her name, and they both want children so there may be some little xxxx after all ;)

cheeseandchive Wed 20-Feb-13 08:07:19

Oooh YANBU - me too! Got married two months ago and kind of changed it without thinking about it (applied for new passport) and really miss my maiden name. Think DH would love for me to have his surname but totally understands my reluctance, I just can't pay out another £80 for a new passport to change it again so soon!

I don't have a 'profession' as such but I've kept my maiden name at uni and informally, I always introduce myself as cheeseandchivemaidenname. I use my married name for more formal situations (where I'll need ID) and maiden name for everything else.

exoticfruits Wed 20-Feb-13 06:45:38

You can change it back- I know someone who did after 10 years. It seems odd to me that you want to share it with 3 SILs rather than your own family , but that is personal choice.

TiggyD Wed 20-Feb-13 06:19:52

MrsTerryPratcett said "What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."

I counter with:

"Not if you called him Stench Blossom" - Bart Simpson

"Or Crap Weed" - Homer (Simpson)

echt Wed 20-Feb-13 05:33:30

A name IS important, if it wasn't we wouldn't have threads disputing which surname to use on marriage.

Go for it, OP. It is important to you, and that's reason enough.

Alan Bennett pointed out once that a woman doesn't take man's name, Her name is the one taken, i.e. removed.

I do not use DH's surname, and DD has mine.

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."

It's not every day I get to quote Shakespeare so I'm doing it now.

kiwiscantfly Wed 20-Feb-13 04:41:43

noisesoff that's me too! I kept my name because DH's last name is very run of the mill aka dull. DC have his name and that's ok, I like being me!

Jeezaloo Wed 20-Feb-13 03:57:51

I took DH's name when we married, but then changed my name by deed poll to incorporate my maiden name as my middle name (not double barrelled - that never would have worked).

DS now has my maiden name as a middle name too, so I like that compromise. Although I don't use my maiden name, I know it's still there.

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