To not go to this wedding?

(37 Posts)
space21 Mon 18-Feb-13 22:40:04

I have also posted in Travel but need the straight talking from here!
A dear friend is getting married mid May in Essex. I really want to go of course but am PG with DS2 who is due end March. I live in Bordeaux so would have to fly.

At first it seemed feasible but now I'm starting to get myself in a tizzy about whether it's safe to take a 6 week old (maybe less maybe more) on a plane and then surround him with loads of people and expose him to potentially harmful germs before any vacs. And then we're not even sure of getting his passport in time.

I know I'll be upset if we don't go but at the same time I'm scared at the fragility of a 4-6 week old.

Maybe this is more a WWYD than AIBU?

HollyBerryBush Tue 19-Feb-13 05:37:09

We had a wedding, a 5 hour drive, six weeks after DS1 was born. Nothing physically to stop us going, but remember you will still be post partum bleeding (no one ever tells you about that at antenatal classes) and generally feeling rough because of the blood loss.

Not forgetting the amount of paraphenalia most parents lug about with a PFB.

I would decline - unless you wants to show the baby off. Which of course some people do.

honeytea Tue 19-Feb-13 06:02:14

I would say don't go, maybe if it was a close relative's wedding or one of youths part of the wedding party it would be a good idea.

I think it would be doable but not necessarily fun.

2 things would put me off, the passport could be a hassle, we live in Sweden and my 9 week old ds still doesn't even have a UK birth certificate.

The germs a large crowd of foreign people would have would really scare me, you probably wont have antibodies to the UK germs in the same way you have antibodies to the French germs.

Have you had a whooping cough vaccine whilst pregnant? I asked my Dr to give me the vaccine whilst pregnant as we planned to travel to the UK before ds's vaccinations and tgey refused.

We have cancelled our trip, mostly because ds has been very ill with rs virus (which wouldn't be a problem in May) I wouldn't want to risk exposing ds to all those germs that neither of us are used to and if he became ill having to deal with him having treatment on the NHS.

We are going to go to the UK in July when ds has received 2 sets of vaccinations, my family are really really disappointed that we have postponed our trip, I'd advise you to not over promise incase you disappoint by canceling.

Good luck with your birth and congratulations in advance smile

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief Tue 19-Feb-13 06:11:16

I think it would be doable but not necessarily fun.

This. Dont go out of duty- weddings are supposed to be fun for the guests, not something you feel you must do to prove the friendship. Think about it - You will probably be really tired, unless baby is a very good sleeper (I think weeks 5-6 were the absolute worst for me, both times round), and going to a wedding with a baby in your arms is never that much fun. At our wedding a few friends with very young babies bowed out and I rally wasnt upset- I was sad they couldnt be there, but totally understood they couldnt be

space21 Tue 19-Feb-13 08:14:51

honeytea they give the whooping cough vaccine after the birth but I think it's getting the passport that has killed any possibility of going!
Just bought two new suitcases too smile

honeytea Tue 19-Feb-13 08:43:40

The problem we had was they don't give tge vaccine till 12 weeks here, they refused to give it to me when I was pregnant (like they do in tge UK)

expatinscotland Tue 19-Feb-13 08:44:16

Sounds like a faff. I'd decline.

If he is late he could be four weeks old, not six. That would put me off a bit.

I went to a wedding when DS1 was three weeks old. I spent most of it rocking ("Psst, Horry, you aren't holding the baby.") and knackered. It was within five miles of home.

I went to a christening with both DCs when DS2 was six weeks old. We had a two-hour drive to get there, which was fine. But the service and reception were hard work because he was squirmy and hungry and he pooed and I felt fat, etc etc.

I don't think the travel is the issue, nor the age of the baby, but your recovery. If you have a late section the chances are you will still be wincing when you lift things, in which case you deserve to be resting at home.

I'd decline. I can't imagine anyone would be offended in the circumstances.

Gracelo Tue 19-Feb-13 08:56:07

How quickly could you get a passport for the baby living in France? I went to Germany for Christmas 3 month after dd was born. I had to go to the German consulate in Edinburgh to apply for the passport (can be done by post now, I think) and then everything was sent to Berlin. We got the passport well in time but we had twice as much time as you have.

space21 Tue 19-Feb-13 12:10:44

gracelo it will take max 6 weeks to get a passport as it has to go via Paris to the UK so just won't have time especially if overdue which ds1 was by 2 weeks.
expat I think you're right!

MiaowTheCat Tue 19-Feb-13 12:28:20

You don't know how you're going to be until the baby's here - indeed you don't know WHEN the baby's going to materialise either! For all you're working on having 6 weeks to sort passports etc out - if you go overdue you could end up almost two weeks late before they start muttering about induction and have more like 4 weeks to sort things out instead... or you could go early and be on a much more even keel and feel up to going.

I think the best you're going to be able to do is leave it tentative but probably a nope - and do something like send them a telegram on the day (relatives of ours over in Oz did that) to be read out at the reception - or try to sort out some kind of Skype hook-up so you can tell her how fab she looks that morning and she can coo over the baby.

It would be the passport thing being the big part of putting me off tbh - wouldn't trust or want the stress of getting one in time.

DontmindifIdo Tue 19-Feb-13 12:42:16

It's highly unlikely you'll get the passport in time, even if your DC is born on the due date - they might say 6 weeks, but you're going to hit the easter holidays and things at embassies always get bogged down round holidays where brits are losing passports etc putting extra strain on the service, staff having time off etc. Unless your DC is early, I'd assume you'd not get the passport by the time of the wedding.

Then there's the practicalities of getting there and back and the way you might feel.

Just decline, it's so unlikely you'll be able to make it. If by some fluck you are able to get the passports etc in time, you might feel you have to go regardless of if you are physically up to it.

Once you explain the passport issue (even if you don't go into the practicalities of travelling with a newborn), most brides will accept it.

DontmindifIdo Tue 19-Feb-13 12:45:41

oh and you are also looking at 6 weeks after you send off the application or when they receive it? If you register birth on day 3, then have to get photos done, the form completed (do you need to get people like bank manager or priest to counter sign the photos still when you're applying overseas?), that could all realisically take you until the DC is 5-6 days old (assuming you don't have better things to do like recover and deal with your DS), then they have to receive it, it's going to be over a week after the DC is born before the process starts.

I'd say it's only going to be possible at all if your DC is 2-3 weeks early.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now