Mumsnet Talk

YANBU and I would find that behaviour markedly strange and suspicious. And yes, I would wonder whether he is "grooming" your MIL for access to grandchildren.

Some men (and some women) are indeed paedophiles.

YANBU. I wouldn't let a stranger bath my DD.
Actually nobody but me or DH baths/changes nappies of DS & DD. I see no reason for anyone else to do it (sahm).

I would never bath a child/ baby without asking a parents permission. I really think you have to go with your instincts in these situations.

That is very strange OP.

What man would take a child not related to them and that they barely know off for a unneeded bath?!

It's not normal behaviour. You need to protect your DD from this man.

throw

Yanbu. My mums partner makes me uneasy. He kept going on about my 3 dc's staying for a sleepover. No frigging chance, don't know 1 thing about him. It has affected my relationship with my mum. I can't stand the guy, he's a liar and a cheat with an alcohol problem and handy with his fists, my gut reaction was right. I wouldn't trust him as far as I could through him. Follow your instincts.

I am pretty relaxed generally but around him I'm not, I just don't like him. We were really cross that he had bathed her and I didn't understand why as she would have to go back into clothes that she had on all day even though she was clean! We just said, oh she didn't need a bath because we were both pretty shocked that he'd taken it upon himself to do it. I know I don't know him very well but even though I find him very odd, it hasn't set alarm bells ringing because I genuinely just think he's an idiot, however, it will not be happening again as dd will NEVER be left with them again. Thanks for all replies.

I agree that's odd. The only person other than me and DH who would bathe DS without expressly being told to would be my DM and only if really needed. Surely the norm is for people to be very reluctant to bathe random children, relations or not!

"Males you don't know very well do not equal peadophiles."



Some males do "equal paedophile".

And the ones who take babies off for baths they don't need at the first opportunity are showing signs that they might "equal paedophile".

I am an extremely relaxed parent and anybody I knew could have bathed DS when he was a baby and still now at 3 years but none of my family or friends would have just done it without asking.

Your post has sent shivers down my spine. I would have flipped at him just doing that and I think you should trust your instincts particularly as he did it without a real need for your daughter to have a bath.

This has made me realise I'm not being unreasonable just because its inappropriate. I do think in his warped way he was trying to bond with her and think he's basically a bit of an idiot. Think we just need to tell the pair of them, this is how we do it, we are her parents, like it or lump it. I don't want to upset anyone but this has just added to the list of reasons why I will not leave her with them. They literally didn't even need to disturb her, she was playing nicely and I assumed they would just interact with her, just have fun. Surely that's best way to bond and make her comfortable!

He sound very strange and overfamiliar. Dh needs to be having words with them. If you are still not comfortable don't leave dd alone with them. Trust your gut

bathed off his own bat for no apparent reason. sorry, i would have a massive problem with this, to the extent that i wouldn't leave her in their care even for an hour anymore. and i wouldn't care who called it an overreaction. there is no need to bathe a child to bond with her, so i can't think of a good reason why it was done.

So she didn't even need a bath? I wouldn't be happy.

Pinkflipflop, we were visiting dps family and staying with his dad. We were visiting mil for the day and dp had pile of post at hers which we needed to discuss quickly and privately (she's opened his post in the past) we were going back to his dads for dinner, bath and bed for dd.
she did not need a bath, it was too early and they knew very well that we would be doing bedtime routine at fils. Think they may have just wanted some involvement but we don't stay there because she refuses to change cot mattress from 30 year old one despite dp explaining that dd can't sleep on this. We usually get the train which is why this has been issue in the past, we've only just got car and didn't have time to sort mattress before we went and tbh I don't want to stay there put of principle now anyway! Hope this makes it a bit clearer.

So you were at your MIL's house for 1 hour and the partner decided to bath your dd? Was she even in need of a bath? It's even more weird that it wasn't in your house. If you don't mind me saying, why couldn't you and your dh talk or have a heart to heart in your own house? Now I'm not saying that his weird and inappropriate behaviour is your fault at all; just this highlights that you need to watch your dd very carefully when this man is around. As you say, he has no concept of boundaries.

Trust your instincts, OP.

I wouldn't want someone I barely knew bathing my DS, regardless of what 'relation' they were. I'll be honest and admit that it wasn't until DS was over a year I left his grandmother - exPs mum - bath him alone, simply because I didn't know her very well, and it took me that length of time to feel completely confident that she could take care of DS. I'd happily leave him alone with her for the entire day now.

I wouldn't be fussed on any man other than my husband bathing my girls. I know logically that seems extreme but it just makes me uncomfortable.

Upupdown, that's a whole different thread! Men and their mothers!

Debbylovesdallas, I know this hasn't been going on very long but I see myself in your situation. I can't imagine ever being comfortable with him.

i think your dp needs to be having words with his mum about boundaries?

Pinkflipflop, she's 9 months.

Do you know what lovesmileandlaugh, I don't think my dad would bath her or change her nappy. My dad would also not ask me why I've stopped breast feeding or ask me why I've only made one cup of tea 5 days after a horrendous birth. Mil told me they were visiting his daughter who lives an hour away so they were driving to hospital to see me when dd was fresh out-I was on day 3 of labour and not yet in hospital. Why would she think it would be acceptable or appropriate to bring him to see me in labour/just after. I had already told my own parents I didn't want anyone at hospital. He (and she) seems to have no concept of boundaries.

What age is your daughter?