to think they were a but rude and they could have asked

(45 Posts)
cuteboots Mon 11-Feb-13 12:47:50

Ok so took my 9 year old to his first football match on Saturday and there were 2 other mums there that I know and talk to on a regular basis. So anyway half time and they ask if the other one wants a coffee an off they trot to the clubhouse. So as its was freezing cold am I being a bit precious to think they could have asked me if I wanted one. If id have been going to get one I would have asked them. Am I just being a bit silly?

atthewelles Mon 11-Feb-13 15:43:50

If she didn't have enough money she should have said nothing about going for coffee or just said 'will we all go and get a coffee' making it clear no one was treating anyone else. Just going off and excluding one person was rude and lack of money would be no excuse for that behaviour.

foxache Mon 11-Feb-13 15:49:18

It could have been for any reason!
Maybe they had something sensitive to discuss? They don't know you as well as you think? They were expecting them to follow you? etc.

a few weeks ago I got all paranoid and teary about something really similar at ds's thing, to the extent I was going to text the manager and even considered standing alone or not going. In fact there was nothing - just a few people who knew each other slightly more than I did. The next time I made more effort and it was fine, really nice.

atacareercrossroads Mon 11-Feb-13 16:38:31

Two friends go for a coffee and don't invite the acquaintance along, dont see the problem personally. YABU and very silly

atthewelles Mon 11-Feb-13 16:41:47

So you would stand talking to two other people atacareer and then say to one of them 'let's go for a coffee' and walk off and leave the other one standing there on her own because she's just 'an acquaintance'. sad

atacareercrossroads Mon 11-Feb-13 16:47:31

Depends if I wanted to talk to the other person, my friend, without involving the acquaintence really.

Floggingmolly Mon 11-Feb-13 16:47:51

Would you do that, atacareer? It's pig ignorant, just so you know.

foxache Mon 11-Feb-13 16:51:00

Wow, pig ignorant is a bit strong.

We didn't see the situation, it might have been a lot more casual - two friends together, another wanders up, eventually the two wander off.

I can see why the OP is put out, but it's getting a bit much.

atacareercrossroads Mon 11-Feb-13 16:52:57

Well, as I say it depends really if I just wanted a brew (in which case of course Id ask the other person if they wanted to come along) or if I wanted to grab 5 mins with a mate to have a quick chat about something a bit personal.

But just so YOU know, I think its pretty precious and entitled to think you should be privy to ALL conversations and activities two friends have just because you have shared some air together beforehand.

Feminine Mon 11-Feb-13 16:54:45

It was unkind.

There is no other explanation.

How can anyone here see it differently? confused

BackforGood Mon 11-Feb-13 16:57:52

My experience - at standing at the side of pitches, etc, watching various dcs play various sports - is that you might chat with someone standing near you, but that doesn't necessarily mean you have a big hoo ha about some kind of meet up for coffee at half time, and feeling aggrieved at not being invited. It's half time - some people get them selves a drink, some don't bother, some bring a flask, others worry about not being able to find a toilet so don't bother. Just because you chat with someone you are standing near, doesn't then mean you are 'together' as perhaps you might be with the person who you shared a lift with, or were good buddies with for years before having dc. Try not to overthink it!

atthewelles Mon 11-Feb-13 17:02:12

But just so YOU know, I think its pretty precious and entitled to think you should be privy to ALL conversations and activities two friends have just because you have shared some air together beforehand. Quote

I don't think anyone's saying that Atacareer. I often want to catch someone on their own to say something so I wait until they're on their own. I don't effectively turn my back on the third person in the group and exclude them. It's called being 'grown up'. Kids go off in pairs and leave people out because they're too young to know any better. Adults should have a bit more sense and manners.

Sugarice Mon 11-Feb-13 17:13:29

I'm assuming that you had been there at the start of the match OP then at half time they went off for coffee.

Whichever way you look at it they didn't offer you a coffee or invite you to accompany them, basic bad manners either way.

foxache Mon 11-Feb-13 17:16:00

BackforGood, exactly, it's a different social situation. People wander in and out all the time.

atacareercrossroads Mon 11-Feb-13 17:16:50

Well, my mate and I rarely get time to chat about stuff we wouldn't want others to hear so often a quick coffee is all we have to sound each other out about stuff. Maybe this was the case in the OP? (Disclaimer - I havent actually ever not said to someone "do you want a coffee" but I can see myself maybe doing so at some point because of the above)

TBH I think its a bit immature and petty to get upset at not being invited by two mates for a coffee. I know that I cant be mates with everyone, not everyone will like me or want to spend time with me, they may just tolerate me chatting for a few mins etc and that I might not get invited to places. Its called being 'grown up'. Kids moan about others not playing with them but they're too young to know better. Some adults have a bit more sense and manners and realise that its not school anymore, and that yea, sometimes, you don't get asked along for a brew <shrug>

GingerbreadGretel Mon 11-Feb-13 17:20:57

On a total side note, at the Olympics I offered to get my dad a coffee and the complete strangers next to us said "oh brilliant, can you get us some too?". Was so amazed I did it!

Sugarice Mon 11-Feb-13 17:21:43

If I was stood next to two other people, had been chatting to them happily then they walked off asking if the one person wanted coffee without including me in that invitation and leaving me standing there like a spare part I'd be a bit hmm I think.

Take a thermos mug next time filled with your own coffee, saves the bother!

SpringBulbs Mon 11-Feb-13 17:25:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AllDirections Mon 11-Feb-13 17:40:15

If I was the OP I would have either got myself a coffee, tagged along with the others or asked them to get me one. I would presume that if I said that I was going to get a coffee anyone that wanted one or wanted to come along would speak up. If the others had invited you out and then excluded you then that would be rude but you all just happened to be in the same place at the same time.

I've got fibromyalgia and my head is totally messed up (look up fibro fog), I can't think straight most of the time and I have short term memory problems. I also don't always pick up social cues which is why I need people to be straight with me and actually vocalise their feelings/wishes. I am a kind person and I would have willingly got a friend a coffee or if she mentioned it I would invite her along.

GingerbreadGretel Mon 11-Feb-13 17:46:22

Yes, the Olympic pair did give me money and were very grateful. :-)

atthewelles Tue 12-Feb-13 09:59:17

TBH I think its a bit immature and petty to get upset at not being invited by two mates for a coffee. I know that I cant be mates with everyone, not everyone will like me or want to spend time with me, they may just tolerate me chatting for a few mins etc and that I might not get invited to places. Its called being 'grown up'. Kids moan about others not playing with them but they're too young to know better. Some adults have a bit more sense and manners and realise that its not school anymore, and that yea, sometimes, you don't get asked along for a brew <shrug> Quote

Don't agree. Being grown up means realising that just because someone isn't your 'mate' or you don't particularly like them doesn't mean you can't be polite to them and ensure they don't feel excluded. For instance, I wanted to talk to my boss about something yesterday. Caught him alone on the corridor and then someone came along and started chatting to us. I didn't just say to my boss in front of the other person 'Can we go into your office'. I waited until an opportune moment came along and then spoke to her.

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