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to refuse house guests 4-6 weeks after giving birth?(56 Posts)
I'm pregnant with my first and DH has mentioned his brother (who lives 4 hours' drive away) coming to stay over a bank holiday weekend once the baby is born. All being well, baby will be 4 to 6 weeks old and I can't help thinking it's WAY too soon to be having people to stay. Especially when those people have a toddler. DH seems upset about this and seems to think that we'll be in a routine by then but I am not so sure. Does anyone have any experience with this? I don't want to be a cow about having guests to stay but I am really uneasy about booking people for weekends post birth. Would appreciate some pointers on how to navigate this potential nightmare in-law scenario!
YANBU, we had bil stay for a week a couple of months after the birth and he was fine because he cleaned up, brought breakfast and spent most of the day off doing his own thing, very unobtrusive, you're not going to get that with a couple who like to be entertained and their toddler.
Toddlers run about, make noise, get into everything, need to be up at a certain time to be fed etc... it could be that the only couple of hours you have available for sleep (and every second counts when you're on so little) will be interrupted by 'family noise', that reason alone is enough to say no.
Tell them they're welcome to stay at a bed and breakfast and visit you during the day. Most parents would understand that, those who don't will turn out to be the types of inconsiderate house guests that you need to avoid. An annoying guest overstaying an hour or two can be incredibly stressful, three of them for a weekend would be torture.
We had guests at one month. Close friends that I adore. They expected us to wait on them hand and foot though and had no understanding of how to support us. I really regretted having them to stay and was quite upset after.
wait and see? had a tricky time with ds1, but still, I think, would have been fine with visitors for a weekend. How you are will depend on the birth, how feeding is going
whether your dc ever stops feeding or indeed tries sleeping etc. You could be delighted to see them by then...
By ds2 we had visitors from about day 2 on and off for ages - but MIL had only recently died (spent last few weeks of pregnancy nursing her and looking after FIL), so the whole family was upside down.
After dd was born I was cooking dinner for visitors on day 1
I just can't get my head around people, especially parents, who think it is OK just to go over to another persons house at a time like this.
I was 'invited' over to see my friends new baby by her brother - Literally hours after she'd given birth. I told him he was fucking rude to be inviting anyone, [her] best friend or not, without her suggesting it FIRST. And even then i'd have asked her if she were sure.
OHs family were the same with his niece though too - He said they visited the same day. I was glad we live two hours away - I would certainly not have been allowing that, whether she allowed it or not.
As it was DS ended up in intensive care so no one saw him for a while until we were moved to SCBU and had longer visiting hours for relatives.
I stayed at Exs parents house with DD as soon as we came out of hospital but TBF - They live in a very very large house so there was enough space that i had as much time to myself as i liked, Ex would take me anywhere i asked no questions, And visitors were always run by me even though it was their house.
I would agree with the wait and see approach. DD was too long ago for me to remember what the 4-6 weeks stage was like. DS is now 15mo, but at that stage with him I was pretty much welded to the sofa as he seemed to be permanently attached to my boobs.
For me, it would have depended on the visitors. Those that would muck in and take us as they found us were welcome. Those that needed to be 'entertained' (such as PIL) were put off as much as possible.
Of course, if your DH was to take full responsibility for hosting meaning that you could focus on your new DC without the added pressure of guests then it might be ok.
Just say to him
Oh but darling, Im thinking of you. Ill be so wrapped up.in endless breastfeeds that everything else will.naturally fall to you. I didnt want to add entertaining house guests onto you list of.cooking and housework
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