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To think that many parents believe their kids can do no wrong?

(110 Posts)
superstarheartbreaker Fri 08-Feb-13 21:10:58

Of course it's natural to think that our children are wonderful and amazing but I work in a school, I have done teacher training and I am amazed at how many parents cannot believe that their children are merely human and therefore just as capable of wrong doing as the next child.
So far I have had a mother complaining that I 'pick' on her child. To which I replied that if her offspring wasn't so badly behaved then I wouldn't have to discipline her.
I sent someone out for throwing a major sulk when I asked her to do some work and to get her feet off the table (she wouldn't). Her mother has now insisted that she no longer comes to my tutorial.
I am constantly hearing stories about parents who refuse to acknowledge the wrongdoings of their young.
Surely we do our kids a great disservice by NOT bollicking them when they have done wrong or by not acknowledging that are even capable of wrong doing in the first place?

Plus I also think that as a generation we are all very confused as to how best discipline our kids...me included. The consistency thing...I'm no expert.

KellyElly Mon 11-Feb-13 15:53:34

I don't think many parents think their children do no wrong. I just think some parents have a hard time hearing it from other people.

GingerbreadGretel Mon 11-Feb-13 14:15:55

MarriedInWhite - there is a school near here with a well-documented and appalling record of teachers abusing children which stretches back almost half a century. It is a private school. Should I assume that every private school teacher abuses children?

usualsuspect Mon 11-Feb-13 13:46:36

I didn't think my children never did wrong ,but I'm always on their side and didn't tell them off constantly just to make me look like a good mother.

LaQueen Mon 11-Feb-13 13:42:34

I see our DDs very, very clearly and am well aware of their faults. I'm pretty strict with them, and I expect high standards of good manners/pleasant behaviour - but, this is because I love them, and I want other people to love/like them, too.

I have a friend who constantly excuses her DC's poor behaviour with the same excuses over and over again 'They're hungry...they're tired...they're worried about the match tomorrow...'

No. They're really poorly behaved because you are a useless, ineffectual parent who allows them to behave in a socially unacceptable manner - and you really, really need to take responsibility for that.

And, the end result is that none of the other parents like these children and are reluctant to invite them into their homes.

atthewelles Mon 11-Feb-13 11:26:14

I do think this behaviour from parents is on the increase. I have heard of so many occasions where people have called into a neighbour to complain, quietly and reasonably, about children making noise, running into gardens, kicking footballs against cars and front doors etc. only to be met by indignation, defensiveness or a rude 'my child has a right to play where he wants' attitude.
A friend of mine who's a teacher has also noticed this attitude from parents who cannot be told that their child is in the wrong about anything and will defend them to their last breath.

As a result these parents are raising rude, ill mannered brats totally oblivious to the rights of anyone around them or the effects and consequences of their behaviour.

Dawndonna Mon 11-Feb-13 10:26:21

Generally speaking, I think most parents are aware of the manner in which their children behave when at school. I also think most parents do support the school. I know my children have been bullied, both by pupils and staff. The staff were disciplined as well as the school. I made sure of it, and yes, it was a state school.
Ds2 attended an independent school. He has Asperger syndrome and was the type to correct spelling etc. Independent school understood this, and encouraged him to correct spelling mistakes. In my experience this does not happen in state schools to the same extent, having said that dds school have a new head who is actively encouraging such behaviour.
Yes, I am the parent that complains about grammar and spelling. I would complain about yours op.
Bollocking. Warrants. Independent. Families.

Absoluteeightiesgirl Mon 11-Feb-13 10:06:58

aamia
Beautifully put

MyDarlingClementine Sun 10-Feb-13 22:15:01

I have seen this first hand on many an occasion by a DM totally oblivious to her DS behaviour which seemed so pre meditated even for an under 5.

countrykitten Sun 10-Feb-13 22:03:39

An excellent post aamia.

aamia Sun 10-Feb-13 21:49:42

And to the OP, I think most parents are reasonable - or maybe I'm just lucky, as in the school I work in the parents are pretty supportive. But then I haven't been there very long so we'll see!

aamia Sun 10-Feb-13 21:36:54

Well, at least now I know why Marriedinwhite hates teachers so much! Whilst I feel terribly sorry for your daughter, you are generalizing a little too much methinks. Or should I hate all parents because there are those who abuse their children - through neglect, alcoholism etc. I can guarantee there are more cases than there were teachers who badly treated your daughter. So many teachers spend hours of their time and a fair bit of their own money just to make those children's lives a tiny bit nicer - a special pencil of their own, lunchtime spent doing a job in the company of an adult who cares, time spent fostering a friendship between two pupils with similar experiences so they had someone to share their lives with who understood, time to do homework/reading because no-one would at home, a nice packed lunch for a trip when only crisps would be provided... School cooks save seconds for children for whom that is the only meal of the day, TAs sew buttons back on, glue shoe soles together, repair ripped skirts/trousers/jumpers. Often the schools that do NOT get Outstanding, that struggle to get Good due to the areas they are in and the intake they get, are those in which the staff care most, where every child is valued and cared for, over and above the demands of the job. But that's all rubbish isn't it, because one school was bad for you?

marriedinwhite Sun 10-Feb-13 21:19:42

Nearly every one eh. Clearly you haven't read them all. Gosh, but my life would be very empty if I remembered actual posters for things that irked me for longer than about 20 minutes.

countrykitten Sun 10-Feb-13 18:58:53

Oh dear marriedinwhite.

Saski Sun 10-Feb-13 18:55:51

Are you surprised that someone would think this of you? Your seem to mention some variation on 1. you're very posh 2. your kids go to "top independent day schools", or 3. that your husband is extremely wealthy and successful and that we would certainly know him if you dared to divulge his name- and so on, in nearly every one of your posts.

I find it so strange that someone would object to "kids" (sure, it's informal. Slang? That's more like "po po" instead of "police") that it verges on affectation in my mine.

marriedinwhite Sun 10-Feb-13 18:00:23

It was said tongue in cheek because countrykitten picked me up over a grammatical error and referred to me as arriviste and not quite the ticket. Needs to learn that if you can't take it; don't give it.

And fwiw I still detest the term "kids". It is slang and it is horrid and if countrykitten thinks that makes me the equivalent of Hyacinth Bouquet, sobeit. Doesn't make me like it any better. To refer to someone in those terms is pretty offensive and afaiac, having been so rude ck can suck it up grin

trip trap, trip trap. I live next to the iron bridge and watch many little goats go over it daily grin.

Saski Sun 10-Feb-13 12:09:26

And, it's pretty rude to lord one's position as school donor over a teacher on a thread after being called out on a gramatical error.

Countrykitten probably wouldn't have pointed out your "what" vs "which" error had you not criticized her choice in words of "kids" instead of "children".

Saski Sun 10-Feb-13 11:56:46

What is wrong with "kids"? My "kids'" teachers use this with frequency. But, we're extremely common.

amck5700 Sat 09-Feb-13 23:09:12

He apparently has an IQ of 160 - He is quite clever but wouldn't have thought that much, think he hides it well smile

amck5700 Sat 09-Feb-13 23:02:04

thanks zigzag - yes, I can see him doing something like that or engineering/architecture - he asked for a proper architects drawing board for Christmas and that's what he does when he runs out of screen time.

AgentZigzag Sat 09-Feb-13 22:56:32

I'm sure she will, thanks.

If it's any consolation, my brother has always lived the same Borg-like existence, but it paid him back and he's a computer programmer now.

amck5700 Sat 09-Feb-13 22:45:37

lol - something like that grin - I think he's sees the world in pixilated block form. Really improved his arithmetic skills having to calculate quickly how many blocks of material he needs to make whatever it is he is building!

He fully intended to spend his weeks holiday next week on the PC 24/7 - that's not happening - I had him out town all afternoon today and he is going to the pool tomorrow morning then visiting Granny in the afternoon. He must be getting some sun as he is now 5'5 at age 12 and half!

Hope your daughter enjoys!

AgentZigzag Sat 09-Feb-13 22:36:31

Thanks amck smile

She has said most people have got it at school, and I've heard of it but just thought it was something like COD or whatever, so I was a bit surprised to see it's a sandbox type of thing.

grin at making him look out the window, was he all pasty faced and wan, shielding his eyes against the glare, brain overloaded with all the colour and light? grin

Absoluteeightiesgirl Sat 09-Feb-13 21:52:18

Standards in state schools from what I have seen are utterly dismal and need to be sorted out without further delay
hmm Married........ do tell what you have seen. You use plural so am assuming that you have spent a sufficiant amount of time in a significant number of the thousands of schools in order to make such a sweeping generalisation. What standards are dismal? Or are you one of those people who knows 'lots of teachers' and base your opinion of the state education on them?
I await your response with interest.

marriedinwhite Sat 09-Feb-13 21:25:21

Definitely a common little parvenu then. Thanks so much for correcting my grammar. If I make a mistake in the next donation letter, presumably the head will send the cheque back rather than send a thank you letter.

KitchenandJumble Sat 09-Feb-13 21:23:54

What's wrong with referring to children as kids? I teach at a university and sometimes use the word when referring to my students, although they are all adults. I'm an American, so that's my excuse. wink

But I've never heard anyone on either side of the Atlantic object to the word "kids" before. I would have thought only the Dowager Countess of Grantham or somebody of her era would raise such an objection. grin

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