To feel a bit sorry for these kids

(107 Posts)
SenoritaViva Thu 07-Feb-13 12:38:25

DC were friends with a family that moved away. They come back regularly to see family in the area and come to play with my DC.

When they moved, last summer they decided to home school their children. They have a Year 3 and Year 1 Child, a preschooler and a one year old.

She has not started their home schooling with them and instead has given them household chores instead because 'having 4 children is an unbelievable amount of work'.

I just feel the children are missing out on their education as a result of her needs for help. I am not disputing that 4 children is a lot of hard work, nor am I against her needing help around the house and I am not against home schooling either. But I also think that if the eldest two were at school and the younger one had her 15 hours at preschool that would free up some of her time. She won't consider it as she has made the decision to 'home school'. I presume their family will continue to expand, she's alluded to the fact that they will due to religious reasons.

I know it's none of my business I just feel a little sad for the children. I should just stop thinking about it shouldn't I? They are still part of a loving home and she cares greatly for them. There are a lot worse off I suppose.

SDeuchars Thu 07-Feb-13 13:03:54

That's right, VisualiseAHorse. Same as no-one has to check that you are feeding them. It is the duty of the parent to ensure the child is educated - if the parent fails, then the state may get involved (as in other areas).

Im with VisualiseAHorse.

Are there no ways in which HE is monitored? At all? I just assumed they were checked.

SenoritaViva Thu 07-Feb-13 13:05:28

Sorry I am slow answering questions, looking after an ill child today

eminemmerdale Thu 07-Feb-13 13:05:59

I can't imagine anything worse than have 4 children at home all day every day, especially at those ages. That's just me.

MrsMushroom Thu 07-Feb-13 13:06:26

Are they fed and well dressed? Do they look healthy? Happy?

SenoritaViva Thu 07-Feb-13 13:06:57

Sorry I was wrong about Ofsted but she got visited by someone.

But how do we determine if a parent has failed or not?

SDeuchars Thu 07-Feb-13 13:07:19

Thanks for coming back, SV. If she says that she is not educating the over-5s, then she is breaking the law. We can educate any way we like (including doing chores) but we cannot choose not to educate.

But how would the state know that the parents had failed to teach (writing/reading/maths etc at least?), unless they are checked up on?

So I could potentially keep my child at home, 'HE' (but really make him do the washing up and hoovering, give me foot massages), never teach him to read, and no one would know or check?

Have to say, doesn't seem right to me.

SenoritaViva Thu 07-Feb-13 13:10:12

They are well dressed and healthy, hence my point at the end of my post; they are loved and cared for. There are many children a lot worse off.

Jamillalliamilli Thu 07-Feb-13 13:11:53

How do we know you have given your child a bed to sleep in, and aren't having him sewing goods in the evening for you to sell VisuliseaHorse?

SDeuchars Thu 07-Feb-13 13:12:26

wannabedomesticgoddess: But how do we determine if a parent has failed or not?

Good question. How do we determine any educational process has failed?

Especially with children so young, it is almost impossible (without there being other signs of neglect). Humans are programmed to learn, so they are learning unless she shuts them in a cupboard (which would also reduce the housework required grin).

My DC when under 7 learned through shopping, cookery, craft, music, reading, watching TV, board games, going out to interesting places. We didn't do set hours and we used almost no worksheets (and only if the DC wanted to do them).

I cant understand why parents get threatened with prison if their kids dont go to school.

But you could HE and no one would check.

ReindeerBollocks Thu 07-Feb-13 13:14:25

Your DS sounds great akaemma can you send him to mine to help me plan and book a holiday?

akaemmafrost Thu 07-Feb-13 13:14:41

If you withdraw your kids to HE wannabe you would NOT be prosecuted for them not attending school.

Jamillalliamilli Thu 07-Feb-13 13:15:17

They're threatened because they've signed up to use a system of education and then aren't using it.

SDeuchars Thu 07-Feb-13 13:16:03

If a 7yo cannot/does not read, is that because they have not yet learned or because someone has failed to teach them?

Leaving aside SEN (which institutions often handle badly), it would IMHO be almost impossible for a caring adult to engage with a child in the UK in 2013 and for that child not to learn to read, write and do arithmetic. With those skills they can then learn most other things.

What about reading and writing then?

I ask because I havent the first clue how I would teach that.

akaemmafrost Thu 07-Feb-13 13:18:10

He's brilliant reindeer grin. Now there's a thought. I could hire him out as a little holiday consultant and make some cash out of him under the guise of HE. The woman talked about in the OP is missing a trick only getting her four to do housework for her. No earning potential there. How shortsighted wink.

Jamillalliamilli Thu 07-Feb-13 13:19:06

Senoritaviva she may actually be very wise depending on how she intends to HE. The biggest mistake I've made is to plunge into home ed without sorting out our home, lives, and difficulties first. With hindsight if I could do it all again I'd take a year out and get us into good shape with routines established and barriers removed.

Btw my dgc's old school saw nothing wrong in saying she should just not have an education for 14 months while she underwent a series of operations. They wern't at all concerned she might fall behind, (we were) and said education isn't a race.

MrsDeVere Thu 07-Feb-13 13:19:49

I have learnt a lot about HE from these threads.

I wouldn't touch it with a barge pole but I am not against it. I am not up to it.

I can understand why HEers are defensive. I can only go by internet forums so I am getting a skewed view so that should read 'seem so defensive on the internet'.

It doesn't help when high profile abusive parents are described as homeschoolers when they clearly are not.

People seem to latch on to the fact the child was not at school rather than the most important bits of the case.

Personally I don't like the idea of kids being kept out of school and spending the day doing housework but I doubt if that is a controversial stance.

Look at the outrage on threads about the travelling community removing girls from school at 11 so they can help with the housework. I don't see this as any different.

MrsDeVere Thu 07-Feb-13 13:21:40

There was a bit missing in my last post.

It was supposed to say 'IF this IS what is happening'

SDeuchars Thu 07-Feb-13 13:21:43

Neither have I, but both my DC learned! I always read to my babies and we had books around.

DD started spotting letters at about 2-ish so we sometimes played a game where we put labels around the house (including on baby DS!). She was reading independently at about 5 but still (at 21 and in y3 of a law degree) cannot 'do' phonics to save her life.

DS showed no interest in reading himself until about 8 or 9 (although I knew he could read at 8). At 9, he asked for HP and the Philosopher's Stone and read it in a week (he was already familiar with the audio book by then).

I have no idea how they learned. I didn't teach but I provided a suitable environment for them to learn - books, games, reading to them, making up rhymes, reading stuff when asked, etc.

Jamillalliamilli Thu 07-Feb-13 13:22:32

Wannabe when I was a child all but the bottom social level taught their children to read and write before they went to school. It's been mystified out of all proportion along with how to repair a car, once the preserve of pretty much everyone who had one.

givemeaclue Thu 07-Feb-13 13:25:23

Op goodness knows why you are being flamed here. Ths mother has openly saidshe is not educating then but using them for housework. That is awful. I yo le repost he education and ask for advice,xout are getting stick in aibu for no reason

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