To tell DP he's invited to the wedding but I don't think he should go?

(34 Posts)
FacebookInvestigator Wed 06-Feb-13 15:30:26

DP has met my family and friends. I have met most of his family but none of his friends (he's introduced me when passing but that's it). If ever he gets invited to anything, he never invites me along.

We've now been together just under a year (about 10 months to be exact) and I have been invited to a wedding. He is also invited as my "other half".

However, I'm a little sick of him always having the pleasure of being 100% involved in my life yet never inviting me into his so AIBU to tell him that despite being invited, I don't actually want him to go as he wouldn't take me along in similar circumstances? Or is it childish/petty?

Startail Wed 06-Feb-13 16:10:37

I'd LTB, phrases liked dragged along just don't sit with me in the context of a longterm relationship.

MrsKeithRichards Wed 06-Feb-13 16:12:38

Here's an idea, it's a bit radical so please, do bear with me.

Talk to him.

DaveMccave Wed 06-Feb-13 16:22:37

Did he definitely get a plus one to the wedding he didn't invite you too? I felt really awkward when invited to a wedding and wasn't given a plus one, after do had invited me to one of his friends. But I knew it was rude I ask the friend. In the end, the friend invited him so it was ok but you haven't given us the full story here. You do sound unreasonable, I understand you wanting a night out without him but it seems more like tit for tat.

soontobeburns Wed 06-Feb-13 16:40:51

I have been engaged to my fiance for over 3 years and I feel the same.

He pratically lived at mine (I live with my DM) and has been on holiday etc with my mum and grandparents, will be my step dads best man etc yet im never invited to his families gatherings.

But.. this is not his fault. While his parents like me they just dont think about me. I have seen them maybe 6 times. Whenever there is a party etc im never invited. I have been there when my DP asks if I can come but its always a no.

To them until we are married I doubt things will change its just how they are. I suspect they think its a fling even though its nearly 3and a half years later.

It really upsets me and pisses me off but I csnr do anything about it.

Talk to your DP about it dont just assume he doesnt wabt you around im sure therr are other reasons.

I think it is possible that there is a woman in his social circle who is either his XGF or has a massive crush on him, and his other friends are loyal to her, not you. This doesn't necessarily make him a villain: bear in mind that it can be annoying to old friends than to have someone inflicting a new partner on a close social group and insisting the person be accepted. And prioritizing friends over a relatively new partner is a healthy way to act.

Mind you, you've mentioned two specific incidents - a wedding at which he may well not have had a plus-one (there are billions of threads on MN about people worrying about inviting/not wanting to invite friends' new partners to weddings); and the NewYear thing when he might have thought that NYE at his parents would be no fun for either of you (because it would have been one sweet sherry in front of the telly all night/his family go in for raucous drinking games and fisticuffs and he's embarrassed by them).

I think you should have a proper chat with him.

Numberlock Wed 06-Feb-13 17:15:32

He's just not that into you. (To quote a cliché, sorry). I'm sure he enjoys having female company, a woman in his life, regular sex etc but that's all it is for him; he doesn't see it as a serious, long-term relationship.

This could be fine if you just want casual dating but if you want more, he's never going to offer it.

Pandemoniaa Wed 06-Feb-13 17:52:42

and he is entitled to go out with his mates without having to drag me along

If you are his partner then it's not a question of dragging you along. You don't have to live in each other's pockets but it's a singularly uncommitted relationship if you even think that it will be such an imposition for you to meet his friends. Red flag territory, I'm afraid.

As to your question, YABU to refuse to take him to the wedding in order to pay him out for being excluded from the wedding he went too since two wrongs will never make a right. But I'd be inclined not to take him for the simple reason that I see little future for you if he plans to keep his life in such separate compartments.

Dp was reluctant about introducing me to his family and friends.

Not because he was ashamed of me, or trying to hide me, but because his ex had hated his family and friends and stopped him from going to family and friends.

I insisted we meet, and what do you know? They're all really lovely people. Not a one I don't like. Dp was so visibly relieved and now we have lots of contact with them whenever we can.

So it could be them and not you IYSWIM.

Wow, how many times can I say family and friends?

Note to self, stop doing two things at once.

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