Boyfriend never buys me anything or surprises me with anything(69 Posts)
Been together just over 6 months and he's never bought me flowers or chocolate. Never. In fact, he's never really bought me anything. He's on a good wage and has few outgoings. I mean, I'm not expecting a car or designer clothes or anything but he literally never buys me ANYTHING.
Even when we've had an argument where he was 100% in the wrong he briefly said "I'll get you some flowers, I know I've been a dickhead" - the flowers never materialized.
I passed my exams - nothing.
I'm currently ill and he's not got me so much as a chocolate bar.
He kind of upset me the other day. He said he'd noticed that I never wear jewelry and asked if I had any. I said I have a few bits and pieces but just tend to wear them when I'm going out. So he said "really? has nobody ever bought you a ring?" - err no but thanks for that, way to make me feel like shit, I mean - I'm hardly going to receive one from you anytime soon am I, you can't even get me a bloody chocolate bar when I'm ill.
Do guys just not do this stuff anymore?
On the other hand, I did go out with a tightarse. He wouldn't buy me a) paracetamol when I had a migraine b) cinema tickets c) let me have some of his fries when we went to a fast food place once and could only afford a burger as I was skint d) a curry when we went out with his friends and I was waiting on my student loan - I opted to stay home but he insisted I came and we shared his portion.
I would also be very wary of anyone who claims not to 'do' Christmas or Valentine's Day because 'they're too commercial and expensive'. That's usually code for 'I'm unimaginative' or 'I'm too tight to have a nice meal with people I like even if we don't buy presents'. There are probably exceptions - we don't bother with Valentine's really, and if we do it's making something together - but people who moan on and on about it make me feel a little bit sorry for them.
My DP bought me a Kinder Egg not long after we met, when I'd broken my foot and he came to pick me up. It was silly and made me laugh a lot more than a 'regular' or expensive gift would have done.
He didn't buy me anything for my 30th as a) we were on a longer-than-usual holiday as my present b) I couldn't think of anything I really wanted that wasn't so expensive that it was an imposition.
OP You sound pathetic love. So you want a present for passing your exams? Pray tell me what exams these were.
Yanbu. It's nice to be appreciated. If he is tight RUN A MILE!
Moreeece,you're taking the piss,surely?
Poor bugger that has to put up with you. Needy bore.
Welcome to my world - we are having a 'chat' tonight! It starts well then fades to nothing.Talk to him - he's a man and needs to be 'told'! You can't hint - they don't do hints - believe me!If this is what you expect from a relationship then you need to talk to him about your expectations
WTAF? If I were a guy I think I'd run a mile.
On the face of it I think you ABU. Although I'm single now, my ex was only ever generous when he had done something wrong. I would have preferred to forgo the holiday if it had meant he wasn't a total bastard! Having said that I couldn't be with a tightarse. It is nice when someone buys you dinner when you're out but I certainly wouldn't expect it!
Is there more to it than this? Do you feel insecure in the relationship in other ways?
Dh doesn't suprise me and i don't suprise him either.
we are not a gifty kind of couple
My H rarely buys me flowers. He didn't buy me any til we'd been together a year.
However, he cooks me meals, he goes to the trouble of looking up recipes of things that sound nice. He makes me cups of tea and tells me to sit down so he can wash up. He is a great Dad.
OP, that's what matters, not how many things he buys you.
I was a student when I first went out with dh. One day he brought back some flowers and my first reaction was 'why, what have done?'
My housemates came in over the course of the evening and all independently asked him the same question
He was a bit hurt but later admitted that it was partly becauseif he ever did do something wrong and try to make it up with flowers, he didn't want to be accused if only ever buying me flowers if he'd dine something wrong
We've been together 20 Yrs, married for 9 and I very rarely get flowers these days! And if I do, they are more likely to be plants for the garden as I think cut flowers are a bit wasteful, would prefer them to last a bit longer!
Do guys just not do this stuff anymore?
I hadn't realised they were supposed to. I'd honestly think DP had lost it if he suddenly started presenting me with gifts. Not because he is mean or ungenerous but because I don't want flowers for the sake of it. I'd rather live with a nice bloke (and he is) than I would need our relationship constantly reassured by presents. It all comes across as very fluffy and rather needy, tbh.
My husband buys me flowers quite often. I often buy him little gifts too. He loves the garden and enjoys growing roses so I bought him a bunch of chocolate roses! We don't buy expensive gifts for the hell of it. We do it because we are being thoughtful. Although I don't think he bought me flowers until we moved in together.
We dont do valentines as we do the nice things all year round.
He is thoughtful in other ways too. And if he never bought me flowers again it wouldn't bother me. It's the day to day stuff that matters. A foot rub, shoulder massage, a kiss and a cuddle etc.
Ive had flowers bought me 3 times in 11yrs!
Dh isnt in the slight bit materialistic. Its the little every day things that matter. As long as they treat you right and look after you thats al that matters.
When I"m in a relationship I quite often buy things for my partner. Just silly little things, never worth very much. Simply because I look at them and think "DP would love that" or "that's really apt for something DP is going to do next week" or simply "DP has had a bad day and this will cheer him up." Apart from one crappy relationship, this has always been reciprocated (but never expected).
I happen to think it's a rather nice of demonstrating that you're keeping someone in your thoughts. Which isn't to say, of course, that there are not other ways of demonstrating that, but in the early days of dating when you're first getting to know someone, aren't living together, can't put out the bins without being asked, etc., gift-giving is one of the simplest ways to demonstrate the fact that you care about someone and think about them often. I think the OP is getting a very hard time about this. It's not fair to compare her fledgling relationship to a long-established marriage/cohabiting partnership.
I get surprises . Little things which are lovely. And I get him things. If I see a book he might like or something.
But it should be mutual and spontaneous.
think its a bit too soon to be expecting stuff. Lots of people just don't think this way DH being one of them so that on the occasions when he does buy me something or organise something special its all the more special IYSWIM.
Boyfriends buying me stuff (outside of Xmas/birthday of course) makes me uncomfortable.
Friend of mine, in the relatively early days of their relationship (but not living together), had to go away with work for two weeks and when he got back, he brought his girlfriend a bouquet of flowers. Because he hadn't seen her for two weeks and wanted to show he cared.
Girlfriend's first words were: "What have you done, then?"
He'd done nothing and they have now been married 10 years. But he's never bought her flowers again!
What's all this 6 months argument? Some people get engaged/move in together after 6 months - it's hardly 6 weeks! They might be serious after that time. Also aren't the early days supposed to be the honeymoon period? If you passed some exams I'd at least expect him to get you a card and take you out for a meal to celebrate! If it bothers you, tell him. It just might not occur to him. If he hasn't bought you ANYTHING (as you say) e.g. a packet of crisps, a coffee, a drink, then he's a tight-arse
My boyfriend is a bit like this and he is not romantic in the slightest. When I moaned about him never once having bought me flowers he said 'what's the point cos they just die?' I just don't think that guys attach much meaning to stuff like that. But my fella is good in other ways. I don't drive and he runs me round everywhere. We don't live together but he will take me supermarket shopping and he will do anything else I ask. I think it is these little acts of kindness that mean more than material presents.
I don't think I know many people showering their partners in gifts. Most of the people I know in good relationships are mainly just kind to their partners, which takes many forms.
So my DH in the first few months of going out didn't buy me flowers or chocolate. We both suggested nice activities we could do together or lovely places to eat, which we tended to share the cost of. We just had a good time together and I felt he enjoyed spending time with me (as I did with him), which after a few months was all I was looking for.
Now we've been together 11 years, we do less nice things together as we have children. And we still don't often buy things for each other. (If he bought something after every row, we would be broke ).
But he still packs the dishwasher every day because I can't be arsed and I listen with patience to his work issues when he needs support.
I wouldn't be so focused on presents. I'd be more focused on the ways in which your partner shows he likes spending time with you, appreciates you and supports you. If he isn't doing those, that is a real problem.
I think everybody needs to go easy calling OP materialistic. She hasn't said she wants him to spend a ton of money on her, just demonstrate his feelings for her. I agree that there are loads of other ways to show somebody you care other than buying them things, but who doesn't like being bought things?!
My partner is considerate and loving and does buy me flowers (not expensive ones, just a bunch of tulips - my favourite) or a sweetie from the shop, or a bookmark, or the biggest butternut squash he can see in the supermarket!
I reciprocate and always try and be thoughtful. It's nice to be like that. It doesn't mean you are materialistic!
Someone I know insists that her Dp buys a gift every Saturday and gets upset if he doesn't. I don't know why but that makes me really uncomfortable. Poor sod, I think she must be very hard to live with. Dp never buys me a thing but I don't buy him anything either so can't complain.
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