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Boyfriend never buys me anything or surprises me with anything

(69 Posts)
Moreece Wed 06-Feb-13 13:42:01

Been together just over 6 months and he's never bought me flowers or chocolate. Never. In fact, he's never really bought me anything. He's on a good wage and has few outgoings. I mean, I'm not expecting a car or designer clothes or anything but he literally never buys me ANYTHING.
Even when we've had an argument where he was 100% in the wrong he briefly said "I'll get you some flowers, I know I've been a dickhead" - the flowers never materialized.

I passed my exams - nothing.

I'm currently ill and he's not got me so much as a chocolate bar.

He kind of upset me the other day. He said he'd noticed that I never wear jewelry and asked if I had any. I said I have a few bits and pieces but just tend to wear them when I'm going out. So he said "really? has nobody ever bought you a ring?" - err no but thanks for that, way to make me feel like shit, I mean - I'm hardly going to receive one from you anytime soon am I, you can't even get me a bloody chocolate bar when I'm ill.

Do guys just not do this stuff anymore?

Do you buy him lots of stuff then?

OrangeLily Wed 06-Feb-13 13:44:55

Hold your horses you've only been together six months. Money doesn't buy love surely?

Although nothing for Christmas? My DH got me nothing but that was discussed before hand??

madasa Wed 06-Feb-13 13:45:03

When you are unwell what does he 'do' to help you?

ethelb Wed 06-Feb-13 13:45:30

My DP rarely buys me stuff. Because generally I buy my own stuff because I earn.

In fact sometimes I do buy him things, but not often, because he buys his own stuff as he earns too.

How old are you?

firesidechat Wed 06-Feb-13 13:46:17

Betty - you beat me to it.

WorraLiberty England Wed 06-Feb-13 13:46:20

Some people have no care for material things so sometimes they just literally forget that other people like presents.

Do you buy him much?

valiumredhead Wed 06-Feb-13 13:47:04

You've only been together 6 months!

I'd rate kindness and a cup of tea over flowers any day of the week personally.

Naysa Wed 06-Feb-13 13:47:10

do guys not do this stuff anymore?

Do you buy stuff for him?

He's under no obligation to spend money on someone he's been with for 6 months. I think it's a bit worrying, and spoilt/materialistic that you're getting upset about it.

Is he nice to you? Does he spend time with you? Give you his affection?

I don't know why buying you things is a sign of how much someone loves you. hmm

SanityClause Wed 06-Feb-13 13:48:08

Some men do this, but apparently your BF doesn't.

Is he loving in other ways? If so, does it matter?

But if he is generally not a "giving" person, I would seriously think about the future of the relationship. This is the person he is. Do you want to be with him for the rest of your life?

valiumredhead Wed 06-Feb-13 13:48:12

I wouldn't expect flowers after an argument either.

wanderingcloud Wed 06-Feb-13 13:48:30

Weird that he didn't get you anything for Christmas?!

But other than that I wouldn't expect gifts or flowers in the first 6 months.

I got flowers when I gave birth to DS, it took that level of commitment and effort to get flowers from my DH. He does it quite a bit now though so maybe being a father has softened him or something!

KirstyoffEastenders Wed 06-Feb-13 13:48:56

My BF doesn't 'do' cards and he's never bought me flowers but he did buy me some lovely things for christmas. And a spontaneous and very unromantic pair of fleece-lined socks confused

My DH isn't huge on presents and surprises. The odd time he has done something lovely. However, when we were first seeing each other he made me a card. It was very strange (superhero themed Valentine's hmm ). Huge effort and thought though. Does your BF do nice things for you?

Welcome to my world - we are having a 'chat' tonight!
It starts well then fades to nothing.
Talk to him - he's a man and needs to be 'told'! You can't hint - they don't do hints - believe me!
If this is what you expect from a relationship then you need to talk to him about your expectations. He's not a mind reader.
If you aren't fussed about material things and gifts then try not to focus on it. Focus on the positives in your relationship.

valiumredhead Wed 06-Feb-13 13:50:31

Where does it say in the OP that the BF didn't buy her a Xmas present?

I can't find any comment that says he didn't get her anything for Christmas.

You have only been together 6 months.

Personally when I am ill the last thing I want is chocolate. I would rather have a bit of TLC and a nice cuppa!!

DistrictSleepsTonight Wed 06-Feb-13 13:50:44

I remember asking my ex to buy me flowers for our anniversary.

He looked surprised and said - "do you like flowers then? Because I don't see the point of them?"

If gifts bother you that much then speak up.

I've been in a relationship where I bought loads of gifts. We'd been apart for 2 months and I bought him a huge bag full of gifts - then a week later most of the gifts were still in the bag just toss in his cupboard. We broke up not long after and I'm not most of them ended up in the bin.

It made me realise that I probably wouldn't be so stupid to be that generous again so early in a relationship.

bigTillyMint Wed 06-Feb-13 13:51:29

I had an ex who liked to buy me presents and give me surprises.

My DH neverr does surprises and only buys me flowers (from the children) on Mother'sDay. He gives me money to choose my own presents.

I know which one I'd rather spend my life withwink

Having said that, I love surprises and flowers!

Flowers die and they are waste of money. Thats something me and OH both agree on. Give the guy a break. Some men don't do gift and surprises, others do.

my DH isnt a present buyer...i would be sad about that but he is a fantastic dad to our DD, works all hours so we can make ends meet (i work FT too) and despite the occasional rant (from me) about him not cleaning up after himself he is easy to live with all round...i dont need presents if we are happy together do i?

Did your previous partner buy you lots of nice things? how old are you? (genuine question)

MsVestibule Wed 06-Feb-13 13:55:35

Apart from Christmas and birthdays, my DH never buys me anything either. But I couldn't care less - he's loving, kind and considerate and that matters more.

Why don't you buy some jewellery if you want some? Of course it's nice when a loved one buys you special piece, but you can get decent necklaces and earrings for a tenner!

Nagoo Wed 06-Feb-13 13:56:38

I do buy DH things, a packet of wine gums, a nice beer or some wheat crunchies.

I would think that in a 6 month period I'd get a few little things to show he'd thought of me.

Maybe he doesn't get to the shops much?

MrsHoarder Wed 06-Feb-13 13:57:25

Well either he didn't by her anything for Christmas or she is exaggerating. Op, just tell him you get upset when he promises you something like flowers that he had no intention of actually giving you.

I wouldn't expect anything for exam passes, and as for being ill, what exactly do you need? Dh will always stop to get throat sweets but wouldn't go to buy me chocolates.

And he might have a lovely Valentine's surprise for you.

madasa Wed 06-Feb-13 13:58:55

I bought my DP some Billy Bear ham he has disgusting taste in food

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