Mumsnet Talk

I will try to keep it brief.

Dbil has 1 Ds aged 17 months. He is fantastic with this child and loves him to bits.

His ds's mother is a - God, I can't even think of a word for her. She is utterly vile.

She abuses dbil physically and verbally. He has never raised so much as an eyebrow back.

She has a dd from a previous relationship who was taken into care but returned to her when ss realised what a great guy dbil is. He got her flat in order, got her in order as much as he could, ensured she visited her dd when she was meant to etc. he cared for her dd like she was his own.

She doesn't care two hoots about either of her children. The dd is always palmed off on some relative or another, the ds is always with dbil. And I mean always. He does everything. Gets up in the night with the kids, cooks, cleans, washes, irons, shops, sorts out bills etc. she does nothing but go out and see her mates, gets pissed and sees other men.

She spends no time with her son. When he cries, she calls dbil. She won't pick him up, won't comfort him, wont clean him up, wash him or his clothes, won't change his happy, won't take him anywhere.

He has recently left her, taking his ds with him. She has decided that she wants to see the ds - when its convenient and she has nothing better to do. So, dbil took ds round to see her and said that he was popping out for an hour and left. She ran out with the child as he was driving away, put the child - no shoes or coat - ON THE PAVEMENT - and walked back into the house.

Dbil looked in the rear view mirror, saw her going in and his ds crawling up the pavement alongside the road. How the hell could anyone do that to a child??
Since then, she has threatened to leave the child alone in hs buggy on the high street and walk away if dbil did not come and take him immediately as she "could not cope". Bollocks. She wanted to go and met her new bloke in a pub, and couldn't do that with her ds.

She is a complete bitch and should not have responsibility for a fly, let alone 2 children.

I really really want to say something to her - but should I just keep my nose out?

She sounds utterly vile.

Best to keep your nose out and give your dbil as much support as you can.

I've been trying, but I'm so bloody angry!

She sounds horrendous, but why does your dbil have anything to do with her? SS don't sound like they'd be supporting contact, and it's no good for your dn.

Keep away from her. Be there for your Bil and his DS.

Horrifying.

That is vile behaviour, sounds like she has big issues. Poor little boy and girl. I'd stay out of it except to support the kids and your bro though.

What's happened to her dd? She sounds unbelievable! It sounds like your dbil has had a lucky escape, and his DS too - I would advise him to stay well away from her for the sake of his DS, but what about the poor little girl?

The answer is simple, tell him to take ds to see her. SS wouldn't look kindly of him taking him there, knowing his at risk and so he is better to keep him safe.
I'm not saying SS are involved but if they were in future.

There has been much police involvement - she has been arrested for being drunk and violent to dbil.

We have been trying to get him to keep away from her but he won't listen. He wants his ds to keep seeing his mum, have a relationship with her - but at what cost?

Support your DBIL all you can in looking after his DS but don't give another thought to this poisonous excuse for a mother.

Is her DD still with her?

X posted, in which case make it very clear that he is risking losing ds if he continues to put him in a unsafe environment and it would be viewed that he is unable to judge appropriate safe adults.
If his ds was in the house when police came, they will inform SS

I honestly don't know what's happened with the dd at the moment. All I know is that she's never there. Always with a relative. That poor child has been in care, pushed from pillar to post and witnessed her mothers violence. She has developed alopecia from all the stress. My heart breaks for her.

Oh, and while YANBU at all to want to give her a piece of your mind, I wouldn't waste your breath on such a person.

Ds was in the house when the police came and ss were informed. They kept a closer eye for a while, but that's it.

I have said exactly as another poster said - dbil is putting his ds in an environment which is unhealthy with a person who is unstable and unsafe. He will loose him if this carries on.

What would you say to her OP?

Can he look after the dd too?

<<Has no idea if that's legal>>

Oh I have no idea what I would actually say! I'm just so cross

Hw dare anyone treat another person like this? Treat their own child like this? She's like something off Jeremy Kyle this one.

I'd just like to say SOMETHING!

Dbil would like to have both kids - he wants his ds to grow up with his sister, but her family would never allow it, they won't even let the dds biological father near her.

It's no good wanting his son to have a relationship with someone who ignores or abuses him. The child will only suffer. Since the mother doesn't seem to want contact, I would encourage your BIL to drop the idea of contact and stick to giving his son a stable life. Point out that his DS is totally reliant on him now and he must not put that at risk.

And don't say anything. She won't listen. Use the energy on making a fuss of your nephew instead.

As much as you want to, Don't. It could cause trouble for your BIL.

My brothers ex is a vile cow too. She encourages their daughter to swear (Called me a cunt last time she was here!) And call basically anyone who isn't white P*kis and N*ggers. It's awful.

She never has nice clothes either.

My niece loves my brother (Her dad obviously), and the mother messes with her emotionally - She's told her her new bf is her Dad now. My brother is due another child and tries to adjust his daughter to this, The mother undermines it by telling her her Dad wont want her when the new baby comes. Then rang my brother up claiming to be pregnant and telling him he could come and fetch the daughter because she didn't want her now she'd have a new baby (She's not pregnant she's said it tons of times since she found out my brother is expecting a second).

When i rang my brothers social worker (He asked me too, he had no calling credit and i did but had left my phone at home) To ask them to please speak to him personally regarding anything to do with their daughter (She's on child protection and the mother constantly makes up stories to my brother so he never knows whats been said, At the time he asked me to ring he believed her when she said SS had told her he wasn't allowed to see his daughter) The vile bitch wrote a load of abuse about how my (Deaf) daughter is not 'normal' and she knew this before i did, That there are things wrong with her etc.

Oh and she had two lads stamp on my brothers partners face.

I could happily go round and smash her teeth in. I really could but i know it wouldn't help and i have to focus on the fact that her shitty ways will bite her in the arse. They already are doing as everyone knows what she's like.

You and your BIL have my sympathy.

Bloody hell dizzy - your poor brother

I suppose that no matter what I say or do, she won't behave any differently.

DP and I are doing our best to support dbil, but sometimes we get frustrated with him too, because for some reason, despite what this awful trollop has done to him and their son, he won't walk away from her.

And his ds is such a lovely little boy, he really is. But even at his age, when he gets cross he is violent. He will smash things, hit things, and bang his head on the wall. It's no wonder really.

If dbil keeps putting him in the same situation, I can't help but wonder what he will be like in 5 years time.

It's just so bloomin' sad.

Db and his as need to be as far away as possible, the ss need to be contacted asap she needs a smack in the gob

Ring social services. This woman should not be seeing those children unsupervised
and your brothervis putting them at risk by leaving them in her care.
You saying anything to either parent will not make any difference in this chaotic situation but those little ones are crying out for someone to be their voice and you need to act NOW.

Please ring social services. Your brother is being a prat, he is also putting his feelings before his ds. It's clearly not that he wants ds to have a relation with the selfish bitch, because why on earth would that be beneficial to the boy? Brother needs to separate what he wants from what's good for his son. He needs a good period of separation from her. Maybe ss could spell out the harm being done to his son. I've found in situations involving kids that parents can see harm being done to the child and just use it as point scoring in a dramatic kind of way (he said, she said type of thing) but they actually don't sit and think of the reality for the child, the fact that just because a child is a child, it doesn't mean they aren't a human with their own feelings. This will have lasting damage on his boy. Imagine the two people who are supposed to love you most fighting over who has to be with you most and who should have to stay with you now. And imagine the fear when the child understands threats to dump him in the street alone. Awful.

Take a stand OP, that child needs you. His parents are too wrapped up in their drama to see that this boy's life is being damaged before it's even had a chance to begin.

Hope this isn't too waffling... I'm a waffler.

She sounds ill to me. This is not normal behaviour. She needs help - but first and foremost the child needs to be protected.