Mumsnet Talk

I am so shocked at this story. As a rape survivor (my attacker got three years ) I still worry that I'll run into him. Unlikely but still.

I am absolutely disgusted that their response is to offer to move your family. I am speechless.

Are ypu anywhere local to us? We are in the Bucks Area?

Am uTterly outraged for you and your family barcardi. Hopefully one of the organisations already mentioned will be able to help you.
Totally agree that the justice system in this country is a joke. The punishment doesn't even come close to fitting the crime.

Maybe ask if they can move you to another HA house with the same tenancy.

must be really awful for you all.

Really sorry OP, your poor DSD. She deserves so much more protection.

I hope he is prevented from moving so close.

Good luck OP,

It is so very unfair that these men continue to effect their victims, if they really had any remorse they would relocate to an entirely new area, but they don't , which really demonstrates their intentions, and total self denial as to their behaviour.

Sometimes the victims don't even get told they have been released.

Usually the family relocates, massively unfair as that is, as it means that you don't have to keep running into him, and if the person is found in the new area it much easier to prove they are targeting,

You can house swap, but you can get help(police and social services) getting a far flung housing trust to prioritise you.

As a victim of a stalker, I had to give up my home and go to a refuge with my kids until I could swap my house somewhere else.ive moved again since and will never feel safe and always look over my shoulder.i feel bitter and angry that these people ruin so many lives and yet still have theirs with no guilt or remorse.my advice to you for the safety of your family is to move away and at least have some peace of mind.good luck with watever you decide to do.

I really feel for you, and her OP. As others have said, I would have thought at least a restraining order would be appropriate and then he will be back in jail if he breaks it.

Andro Yes, he was already on remand for a previous attack when he attacker her, (and another young girl on the same night)! So they arrested him straight away and he was put back in prison for 6 months before the trial. I've been on hold to victim support for a while this afternoon, have given up for tonight will try again tomorrow. The more I think about the more I think why the fuck she we have to be the ones to move! I'm going to contact the police tomorrow and see if I can speak to someone about it. Surely it can't be right can it? I mean he's going to be 100 feet from our doorstep FFS!

Time on remand will have been classed as time served and taken into account...it still doesn't explain why he's out after (effectively) 5 1/2 years instead of 6 1/2 though.

I really hope you can get somewhere with this, no-one deserves to have their attacker living that close. Fight for an injunction to keep him away from her.

Unfortunately, the recidivism rate for people who commit attacks bad enough to earn them a 13 year sentence is pretty high.

As an aside, I personally feel that rape should carry a 20 year minimum (time to actually serve)...but I'm not the most liberal of people!

No, I don't think it IS right at all, Bacardi. I'd like to think this was a mistake, and when you finally manage to speak to someone, they will hold their hands up in horror too, and say "OMG, we are so sorry! Of course we'll make sure he lives somewhere else!" But I also know there are serious flaws in the way rape survivors are supported and protected - and they often aren't - and that the 'rules' may well be letting you down here.

I will be keeping my fingers crossed for you and your DSD. I really, really hope there is something that can be done.

I'm as shocked as anything. I've no advice for you I'm afraid, Bacardi, but wanted to send my support to you, DSD and DH. I hope you get a good outcome.

Sorry you are in this position. As a therapist sadly I have heard stories like this time and time again. Our legal system is geared towards the offender not the survivor.

Your best bet is the HA, at least they may move you, for survivors who rent privately or have mortgages this isn't an option, always.

Of course you should not have to move but think, in the long run, what will be most helpful to you all.

Hope probation service sort this out by Friday.

DH spoke to DSD's contact from the police today and she said she's having absolute murder with the probation board over how close they're placing him. She's trying to get an injunction (or the legal equivalent) so he can't come near DSD and also trying to get him tagged. DSD is honestly absolutely petrified of him.

I spoke to the Housing Officer today and she said the normal procedure in a situation like this would be for us to register with both the local HA/council exchange website and HA website to bid on properties. But, because we have quite significant rent arrears atm (almost a grand unfortunately) they can't accept us until they're cleared. (Arrears have accumulated in the past 6 months since DH was made redundant and the HB are only paying half the rent. We have an agreement were I'm paying the other half from our benefit and a small amount from the arrears).

So we're going to try and get a budgeting loan to clear the arrears so we can put in for an exchange. If we can't get a loan then we'll have to sell the car (which is a right old PITA as we need it to get the kids to school but needs must).

In the meantime DSD will be going to her nan's house from Friday and sleeping on her sofa until we can move, which will probably take at least a couple of months realistically.

england.shelter.org.uk/home

i am having difficulty believing that if there is a threat to your daughter, that the HA won't re-house you until you have cleared arrears.

please ring shelter and get them to advise you. i simply dont be;lieve this is the case

Bacardi, it's awful your DSD is being put through this, and it should not be happening.

Don't trust the police (necessarily) to sort this out; I think you need to talk directly with head of probation in your area.
You need this sorted out by Friday too, so he doesn't get in and no precedent is set.

Could you look at contacting local newspaper or TV ?
I'm sure they would protect your DSD's anonymity.
And a reporter camped on "his" doorstep would certainly gain attention.

When probation office have TV/newspaper ringing every hour they may start shitting themselves and the jobsworths might actually do something.

The other thing is it may be a very simple mistake such as holding the wrong or old address for DSD.
Then the matter would have to be reviewed as a matter of course.

Good luck.

Ok, spoke again to the contact from the police and now it turns out he isn't moving into the street around the corner now. Although she doesn't know what area he is moving to. But, his mum and dad live in the neighbouring street, and he is not going to be banned from the area. So although he won't be living there, he will still be in the area quite a lot. (He comes from a culture where family is a big thing).

So it's not as bad as it first seems, but there's still a very high possibility she'll bump into him if she's still living at home. So she's still moving to her nan's for the foreseeable future. She's going to start moving her stuff tonight. The plan is still the same, we're going to clear the arrears and try and get an exchange. Also now he's not living in the area there's no chance the HA will move us without clearing the arrears.

She does feel much better knowing that we're making moves to move house ASAP. And she appreciates the support we're giving her, as she doesn't seem to be getting any from anyone else atm (apart from her nan). Her boyfriend is being a twat of the highest order to her over this whole thing. I really want to give him a piece of my mind. But obviously not going to interfere there.

Disgusting that you are having to move. No wonder this country is fucked.

Oh dear, I'm sorry to hear about the boyfriend on top of everything else. Poor DSD. I really hope you, DH and her Nan, modelling decent support, will give her enough of a comparison to lose the loser! Perhaps a whole load of "I'm sorry he wasn't more respectful/helpful/thoughtful/etc" from all of you will get through ...

It's good that her attacker's not going to be nearby full-time, but I can see why she's stressed out about him visiting there. Will the authorities serve a [[ http://www.ehow.co.uk/how_7238173_restraining-order-uk.html non-molestation order]] on him? If he's on probation he could be sent back to prison for going within X yards of her, attempting to make contact, etc.

Having one might help with your housing association, too. Talk to the CAB. Good luck!

Bugger. Link

I'd go straight to the nationals with this. If you try any of the involved agencies you'll get nothing but bleeding heart apologists.

Am so sorry for your sd and all your family. If only we could harness the power if all the women on mumsnet to get the laws changed. Rapists to serve full sentences and not to be allowed live within for example 50 miles of victim. Mumsnetters to pressure politicians. If only....

Oh, how horrible.

I've no idea what to say but that is just awful. All sympathy to you and your step daughter. She must be a very brave women to have gone through the process of his trial, that must have required a huge amount of courage, especially at the age she was.

Did he serve time on an electronic bail tag? The courts can also knock that off sentences.