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to think that my friend's wrong about me being a bad sister?

(29 Posts)
PurpleStorm Sat 02-Feb-13 18:05:19

Bit of background -

My sister lives about 2 hours drive away from me, and has just had a DC. All went well and DSis and DN are both fine. Obviously, I'm very keen to go and see DSis and the new baby.

Unfortunately, my DS has been very ill this last week with a very bad cold. Ill enough for the GP to be suggesting it might be the onset of measles and to be asking if I knew what meningitis rash looked like, and ill enough for the GP to get us to bring DS back into the surgery after a few hours to check how he was responding to the medicine she'd prescribed (luckily it was just a bad cold, and he's now much better).

I've now got cold symptoms, so I think that I've caught DS's nasty cold from him. Because I really don't want to pass this on to a newborn baby, who'll have less immunity to these things than DS, I've told my sister that I'll wait till I've recovered before visiting. DSis seems fine with this.

However, I was talking to a friend, and told her all about DSis having the baby, and that I wasn't going to visit until I was better. Friend said that if it was her sister, she'd be going immediately because she's very close to her sister, and that I was being a bad sister for not going to visit. Friend is being very dismissive about the bad cold, and seems to think that I'm just making excuses to avoid a 4 hour round trip. To be fair, friend hasn't seen DS while he was ill so perhaps doesn't realise just how ill he was. But I'm still annoyed at my friend's attitude to this.

AIBU to be annoyed at my friend for telling me I'm being a bad sister? Because I don't think I am being a bad sister here.

FrustratedSycamoresRocks Sat 02-Feb-13 20:02:58

I think you are being very sensible. And definitely not U.
I think your friend was quite illogical, however close you are to someone, germ sharing a nasty cold with a newborn (and mum) is a bit U.

PurpleStorm Sat 02-Feb-13 18:30:32

I think it's the way that friend said that she'd be going immediately to visit because she's very close to her sister that annoyed me most.

I was interpreting that as friend suggesting that I can't possibly be that close to DSis if I'm not rushing straight off to visit her. But perhaps I'm reading too much into this.

Snog Sat 02-Feb-13 18:27:47

you are a good sister
your friend is a bad friend

motherinferior Sat 02-Feb-13 18:24:44

I'm quite sure your sister has other things on her mind, like her new baby, than whether you've been to see her! Your friend sounds as if she's more concerned with her own image as a Good Person than with reality.

If anyone had turned up with a bad cold when DD was born they would have been turned away (yes very PFB!) I think your friend is very rude and you are being very considerate of your DSis and DN.

Tee2072 Sat 02-Feb-13 18:16:56

Your friend is, I'm afraid, an idiot.

Why would you want to bring germs like that to a new baby!

Stixswhichtwizzle Sat 02-Feb-13 18:16:54

Oh colds spread the RSV virus that causes bronchiolitus which my DD had and it was horriffic! So defo stay away!

TarkaTheOtter Sat 02-Feb-13 18:15:58

YANBU A newborn with a cold will at best make your sister's life even harder for a few days at a time when it is probably already quite hard. At worst it could make your new dn very ill. Why risk it? Even a mild cold can stop a newborn from feeding and sleeping.

Stixswhichtwizzle Sat 02-Feb-13 18:14:54

I'd be very upset if you turned up with symptoms of illness and a child who'd just been poorly tbh. I'd much rather you stayed away from my precious newborn so no YANBU

mynewpassion Sat 02-Feb-13 18:14:46

Ok, if the baby was just born a few days ago, then, no you are being a great sister. If the baby was born say a month ago, it would be borderline, for me.

SkinnybitchWannabe Sat 02-Feb-13 18:14:10

Tell your 'friend' to bog off.
I think you're being a great sister.

PurpleStorm Sat 02-Feb-13 18:13:12

DSis also knows how ill DS was, because we were talking about that on the phone the evening before she went into labour.

PurpleStorm Sat 02-Feb-13 18:12:09

mynewpassion - baby was born a few days ago. As I said, I've spoken to DSis and she seems fine with me not visiting until I'm better.

MrsHoarder Sat 02-Feb-13 18:11:27

You're being a considerate sister. Presume your DSis has spoken to you and knows you're ill (and a cold is rather obvious over the phone), she doesn't just think you're ignoring her.

pollyblue Sat 02-Feb-13 18:11:20

If your ds's cold was as filthy as the cold i'm just getting over, then i'd say you're a good sister for not potentially spreading your germs to a new born, if you have picked it up yourself.

You can keep in touch with your sis in other ways until you're well enough to visit. A young baby with a cold can be a miserable thing, and i'm sure your sis wouldn't thankyou if you visited knowing there was a good chance you were contagious.

A hearty pffttt to your friend grin

Peevish Sat 02-Feb-13 18:10:23

Your friend is being deeply unreasonable. What mother of a new baby wants her newborn to catch a cold that could have been avoided, especially such a vicious one? The baby isn't going to vanish by the time you are well.

yanbu- you'd be a shit sister if you turned up loaded with a bad cold, to infect a newborn baby. your friend sounds quite selfish.

gwenniebee Sat 02-Feb-13 18:10:11

I would have been pretty pissed off if someone had visited my very little baby with germs. As long as your sister is ok with it, that's the main thing - I can't believe she wouldn't be.

spanky2 Sat 02-Feb-13 18:10:02

I wouldn't visit anyone with a new born if I had a cold. You are being thoughtful . A selfish person would go. A baby with a cold is miserable but yours sounds like flu. Hope you feel better soon and see your ds and dn.

apostropheuse Sat 02-Feb-13 18:09:52

Of cours you're not being a bad sister. You're being responsible by not going to see her with a cold which you could give to a newborn infant.

Your friend's an eejit.

biff23 Sat 02-Feb-13 18:09:40

Think you are doing the right thing. Considering how I'll your son was, if the baby was to catch it, it could get really sick. No one wants bugs around their new born.

diaimchlo Sat 02-Feb-13 18:09:24

YADNBU at all you are being thoughtful, if I was your sister I would not like to have any cold and flu germs near my new little one. So all in all you are being a great Sister and Auntiesmile

Thingiebob Sat 02-Feb-13 18:09:19

You are not being a bad sister at all. I would be livid if a sibling of mine turned up that unwell with a stinky cold!

Your friend is being an idiot. Don't listen to her. Please don't risk you new nieces health just because of something your friend said!

hatgirl Sat 02-Feb-13 18:08:58

different people have different backgrounds and relationships. If your sister isn't bothered then it is none of your friend's business.

PandaNot Sat 02-Feb-13 18:08:38

You're not being a bad sister, you're being a considerate one. Passing on a bad cold to a newborn wouldn't be appreciated!

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