..to sign my daughter up to organ donor register without discussing with her?

(32 Posts)
newfashionedmum Fri 01-Feb-13 16:14:11

She is 7 and we were given a from by GP, her dad and i thought it was a good idea to put her on it - we both are - but we haven't asked her about it and i feel slightly uncomfortable about that. On the other hand, she's quite an anxious child and I don't like the idea of having a conversation with her about it, at least for a couple of years.

What do you lot think or have you done, or how have you broached this with your children?

oldebaglady Fri 01-Feb-13 17:26:16

The register doesn't do anything but tell the NOK about how the person felt about organ donation. the decision is still the NOK's. So what is the point of putting her on it? it doesn't tell you anything about her feelings if she dies, and if she dies on or not on the register you will be asked about organ donation.. unless I suppose the whole family dies and the NOK passes down to someone in the more extended family

Rocknrollnerd Fri 01-Feb-13 17:26:22

DS is on it, if god forbid all of us died in an accident I would want our next of kin to know that all our organs were available. I figure when he's old enough for it to be his decision he can get himself taken off it if he wants, until then it would be mine and DHs wishes and we would want whichever poor sod was at the hospital for the three of us to let them have whatever they could use.

newfashionedmum Fri 01-Feb-13 17:27:11

Thanks for all the feedback - I think it's important to be proactive and do it now because I imagine medical staff often avoid asking the question of parents, it being such an awful scenario if a child dies. If the child is on a register I expect it would be easier to bring up somehow.

If DD ever expressed a wish not to be on such a register I would take her off immediately, though knowing our DD I think she would see it as a brilliant idea. So I suppose in the absence of having had that discussion, we're making a decision now that we hopefully will never have to but would have to without asking her anyway IYSWIM.

And we will just need to be alert to the idea of being able to discuss it with her as soon as we think she's ready.

oldebaglady Fri 01-Feb-13 17:28:57

"I think it's important to be proactive and do it now because I imagine medical staff often avoid asking the question of parents," no they pretty much ask everyone!

Andro Fri 01-Feb-13 18:25:45

I wouldn't put a child on the register without talking to them first. I've had this discussion in some depth with 9yo DS and he was remarkably clear in his opinions, his reasons and the fact that both of those things may well change as he gets older. He started asking questions after seeing a poster about organ donation at the hospital.

FeistyLass Fri 01-Feb-13 18:36:18

I would be reluctant to sign ds up. As others have said, if the situation ever arose, then you would make the decision as next of kin.
I'd be concerned that somehow the 'I've signed you up to be an organ donor' conversation didn't come up (eg if dh and I had an accident) and then ds would be signed up as an adult without having given his consent. I think everyone assumes the decision is their's to make when they're old enough. I would have been quite angry that my parents had taken that decision away from me. It just seems unnecessary to me when you are next of kin.

Rocknrollnerd Sat 02-Feb-13 12:12:51

As others have said, if the situation ever arose, then you would make the decision as next of kin.

But not if all of you are fatally injured in the same accident. This is why I've put DS on it, because I wouldn't want my parents (or whichever poor sod was at the hospital being asked the questions) trying to second guess what we would want to happen.

Until DS is an adult me and DH would be asked to make the decision, but if we're not able to then I would want whoever had to decide for all 3 of us to at least know what we'd intended.

I know someone who died waiting for a transplant, their parents received her degree certificate at the memorial service - it was one of the most heartbreaking things I have ever seen. I would hate for another family to go through that because at a time of imense stress and grief DS grandparents/aunts thought that in the absence of anything on the donor register relating to DS his lungs would be better off inside him...

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