Mumsnet Talk

I'm going to dump my bag in the middle of her dining room, together with shoes in the 'gangway' so she trips.

Take food in her front room and leave dishes at my feet.

Have a shower and leave the plug hole full of hair.

Pinch her clothes, make-up and perfume.

Ask her to go shopping and lie in bed all day and make her wait for me.



I lover her dearly tho (she's 19 )

I shall refuse food without trying it, even though I ate it all up last week.
I shall insist on drinking their drinks not mine when out in cafes/restaurants.
I shall have a tantrum if they are on a call on the phone because I obviously will want to play on it then.
I shall be totally adorable when it's been arranged for someone to 'mumsit' so no-one believes that I have a whole other evil side....

I shall also; roll my eyes at absolutely everything she says, mess around 'click click clicking' on my blackberry even after she tells me the noise goes through her and politely suggests I do the BBM thing I'm another room, blame her for everything that I can't find and purposefully pull holes in all of my tights because its common knowledge she owns shares in Lycra!

Complain there's no food and then continue to snack just before she's cooked me a meal.

When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple

with a red hat that doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.

And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves

and satin candles, and say we've no money for butter.

I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired

and gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells

and run my stick along the public railings

and make up for the sobriety of my youth.

I shall go out in my slippers in the rain

and pick the flowers in other people's gardens

and learn to spit.


You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat

and eat three pounds of sausages at a go

or only bread and pickles for a week

and hoard pens and pencils and beer nuts and things in boxes.


But now we must have clothes that keep us dry

and pay our rent and not swear in the street

and set a good example for the children.

We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?

So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised

When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

My mum should do everything on this list and maybe tread some bronzer into the carpet too. Instead she comes round and helps me clean, does some of my washing when it gets too much, brings me meals when I'm too tired to cook and looks after the dc so dh and I can go out for a drink or meal together. If I go to her house she looks after me and dc, sends me for a sleep and feeds us all.

I love my mum and want to be just like her when I'm older.

I am going to take all the glasses into my bedroom half filled with juice or water.

I am going to paint my nails bright blue when sitting on the new sofa.

I am going to ask when tea is then eat chocolate because 15 minutes is too long to wait.

I am going to leave all the lights on then huff and sigh when asked to put them off.

I am going to leave all my dirty underwear on the bathroom floor.

I am going to splatter mascara and toothpaste on the bathroom mirror.

I am going to borrow all their good DVDs and cds and loose them or scratch them
im going to wear my shoes on all their nice carpets and put my feet up on the sofa with my shoes on
I'm going to use every drop of shampoo and conditioner and not tell them
I'm going to wash the dishes, badly so they don't ask me again
I'm going to use at least half a bottle of washing up liquid when I do the washing up
I'm going to put one item in the tumble dryer and leave on for at least an hour
I am going to borrow their computer and download lots of rubbish to fill it
And I am going to cook them a lovely meal and leave as many dirty dishes I can after I have burnt the best saucepans and put them back on the shelf.

My children are 30 and 31. I am remarkably amused by their tidiness given the hellholes that used to be their bedrooms at 14. Clearly I am no longer alone in having the unreasonable and bourgeois obsession about cleanliness that I had back then.

I cannot tell you how tempted I am to walk into their homes, fling open the doors to their fridges and wail "Why is there never any food in this house?" though.

Oh yes .

I have plans to leave their loos unflushed . For days . To use up entire loaves to make toast , whilst leaving copious quantities of butter jam and marmite smeared on the worktops.

To drop sugar everywhere and get it wet so it dries like concrete .

To pour an entire bottle of cough medicine into their two day old carpet .

To colour in the bars of their radiators in a rainbow selection of crayons . Then turn the heating on to bake it.

To use every loo roll . To use every towel and leave them all in artistic piles under each bed .

To use every cup , bowl and plate to eat Weetabix , and then hide them under the bed for days , so even the dishwasher can't get the stuff off .

Can you tell I've planned this ?

I am going to get a job lot of teeny-tiny lego bits of ebay. I mean tiny bits. And then I'm going to go and scatter them liberally in DS carpet. I'll even buy him a carpet. I'm also going to get an entire M&S-worth of pajamas and leave them on the floor.
Then I'm going to wait till 3am and creep into his room, put my mouth to his ear and whisper 'Iwannacuddlescarydinosaurcamebutitwassntadinosauritwasacat'. actually I probably will do anything for a cuddle by that point so I probably will do that one

Ooh Plomino I'm so doing this To colour in the bars of their radiators in a rainbow selection of crayons . Then turn the heating on to bake it.

I'm also including the slats on any louvre doors or shutters they may have.

All of the above... Then brush my waist length hair and clean the brush, dropping the hair on to the floor as I go, leave cotton buds in random places and wash my heavily made up face with her white flannel!

When my DCs pick me up from the nursing home, I am going to demand chocolate from them before even saying "hello" and then if none is forthcoming have a tantrum and refuse to get in the car.

I am going to "plank" every time they try to lift me into a wheelchair.

And soil myself and my clothes every time we are due to be somewhere in a hurry.

See how they like it.

I'm going to go in their room at 6am and announce, I want to get up!

My Mum does it now
She comes round, turns the heating up, switches every light on, changes tv channels, demands or and rummages for food
I follow her round switching lights off. When I aske her what she was doing, she said "getting my own back"

YANBU

My DD is 11 and I'll be visiting so I can chuck wrappers all over the floor, leave wet towels strewn all over her house, raid the biscuit tin, leave millions of half drunk glasses of water all over her house, hog her TV with the crap I want to watch, put empty bottles of ketchup back in the fridge and chuck a tantrum when she runs out of wheetos

Is this why my parents pretend they can't hear what I'm saying and make me repeat myself five times?

<narrows eyes at DPs>

Op you know my dds...

All of the above. My dd 13 told me to chill today as she was painting her toe nails bright red sitting on the brand new pale yellow sofa.!!!!

Oh, the more I think about it, the more fun I'm going to have

Tip contraband bright pink nail varnish into her carpets
Pick my nose and wipe the bogies on the wall
Empty out her junk drawers and leave the crap out everywhere
Take a hamster with me, get fed up with being woken in the night by it and dump it in her bedroom
Stash my dirty socks under the bed
Climb all over her work tops while rummaging in her cupboards while moaning than I'm hungry and reject everything she offers me
Take a bite out of every apple in the fruit bowl