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needy friend (feel guilty)

(79 Posts)
saulaboutme Thu 24-Jan-13 11:06:27

One of the mums I know has become extrememly needy to the point where I'm now making excuses to dodge her everyday. I feel really bad but she has nothing to do and sometimes I need to just run off and do my bits for the day on my own. I have 3 DC's and I help a neighbour with some chores twice a week as she is disabled which is demanding enough.

I feel like such a bitch as she is a lovely person. She has problems which I feel can only be solved by her. She is in a bad marriage, in lots of debt, unemployed and health issues one of which is she is VERY overweight. As much as I have tried to advise and help her she would rather come and sit in my house or a coffee house and while the day away til she has to collect her children from school.

I don't know what to do but I'm abit angry as she tries to emotionally blackmail me when I can't meet her. Or don't want to meet her. I have been quite upfront with her but she wants me to support her in ways that I can't and handhold her for anything that could benifit her situation getting better.

What am I going to do? AIBU to not help her more, I feel abit stifled.

saulaboutme Thu 14-Feb-13 14:28:49

Shotgun...made me chuckle big time xxxx

saulaboutme Fri 15-Mar-13 00:35:40

Hi again, not sure if this is the best way, adding to last message, but just am update.

I have taken all the advice, thanks guys, and been strong and stuck it out. She hasn't been in my house for a long time, but the calls keep coming...

It's so obvious she wants to plot away all day and I've pretty much gone very cool with her. She's tried and tried to suck me in with the "I really need to speak to you" messages which turn out to be nothing. a mutual friend has been off work I'll and she has spent time with her slot but now friend has gone on recovery holiday so she if lost again.

On the up side she is looking into voluntary work.

My point is (deep breath) I don't feel guilty anymore. I really don't. So much has happened since my last post and I admittedly used the mantra distance and boundaries to get her away from this habit of emotionally blackmailing me. She does try her best but it's like water off a ducks back now .

girlywhirly Fri 15-Mar-13 15:25:42

That's good to hear. Keep fending off the messages and calls.

saulaboutme Fri 15-Mar-13 19:22:15

Thanks, I bumped into her today. She asked again where was I going and then sad face as I was "busy" So she was going to sit in the coffee shop...didn't rise to the bait.

she was having a good friend over after school for kids playdate so happy for her for that.

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