to think a grown man should not need to call in with his mum EVERY single day

(58 Posts)
whatdoithinknow Tue 22-Jan-13 17:32:41

Both me and my dp work full time mine is quite a stressful job not saying his isn't but....anyway I finish work pick kids up from child care come home start cooking dinner etc etc. Dp works near his parents home so its easy to call in but would you say it was necessary every single day?? I feel resentful that I have to get on with cooking with kids under my feet while he relaxes with a cup of tea elsewhere!! Aibu??

maddening Wed 23-Jan-13 17:24:44

Take the kids and meet him at mils and go home alone for a long hot bath to get on with dinner.

GetOrf Wed 23-Jan-13 15:59:47

Actually thinking again, he should really pick the kids up from childcare as much as you do (unless his office is at the other end of town etc).

It's good that he sees his parents, but perhaps he should go at lunchtime half the time, and then come home and take charge of all the domestic drudgery at least as much as you do.

TheMaskedHorror Wed 23-Jan-13 15:50:52

My dh calls in on his parents every day. They live near the station so he parks on their drive but he literally just pops in, asks how they are and leaves.
He sometimes stays longer if he needs to help them out with something.
I think its nice but would be annoyed if he was putting his feet up with a cup of tea there every day.

mrsjay Wed 23-Jan-13 15:48:57

He's calling in to avoid the work. After all, it must be sooo much nicer to do it his way - tea and biscuits then home to dinner on the table and DC settled post-school. I'd be well pissed off with him.

SO would I but the OP needs to get tough and not do so much so he doesn't come home to pipe and slippers grin

GuffSmuggler Wed 23-Jan-13 15:48:48

Yes poor man needs a cup of tea and a rest after work before having to deal with family life. Woman must have tea ready for man when he returns home after post-work cuppa. <sigh>

valiumredhead Wed 23-Jan-13 15:47:07

I hope my ds pops in to see me every day for a cuppa when I'm old!

choceyes Wed 23-Jan-13 15:43:06

YANBU. I won't be happy if my DH did that. Taking the kids home after childcare and cooking can be really stressful. I have 2 kids in nursery and on the days I work I pick up the DCs from nursery and take them home and cook dinner, and it is soooo much easier if DH is at home during that time. Unfortunately DH's job means he can never to the nursery run (he's a teacher and DCs need to be picked up at 4.30pm which he can't do) and get home before 6pm, but on the rare occassion he's at home when we get there it is so so much better. So I really understand where you are coming from OP.

He's not calling in to see his parents. He's calling in to avoid the work. After all, it must be sooo much nicer to do it his way - tea and biscuits then home to dinner on the table and DC settled post-school. I'd be well pissed off with him.

GetOrf Wed 23-Jan-13 15:02:36

It's crap though that you get the childcare run every day.

He does need to pull his weight and share all the chores equally.

But as long as he does that it's not a problem per se seeing his mum every day, is it?

mrsjay Wed 23-Jan-13 14:58:08

I dont see it as a realy problem tbh but he is taking the piss not helping you is it visiting them every day (which i think is nice) or is it him assuming you will do it all so he can visit every day, why dont you sort out a pick the kids up rota

GetOrf Wed 23-Jan-13 14:56:19

Aww I think it's nice that he goes to see his mum every day.

Just make him do a load of shite when he gets in so you can sit down/bugger off out.

It's his mum.

AmberLeaf Wed 23-Jan-13 14:53:08

Wouldn't bother me as long as he pulled his weight once he was home.

But then I have three sons!

Thinking of it, DP sees his Mum every day and she isnt old at all. She is a widow though.

Smellslikecatspee Wed 23-Jan-13 14:41:12

He's being UR if you're having to do more of your share once you both finish work. Which it seems as you are.

IF he gets in and then does more than his share then you're been UR.

Saying that my sister goes to my Mums everyday for her lunch, regularly pops in after work when Mum will have made a 'bit' extra for dinner, so she'll take home hers/BIL and her DCS dinner too.

Though my my other BIL works locally she does the same for him.
This is why we keep looking for jobs back home. . .

In short seeing them daily if its on his way not unreasonable
Taking the piss by using seeing them in other to get out of doing his share at home vvvvvvvvvvvv unreasonable

sumrandomgirl Wed 23-Jan-13 14:34:03

I have been with my boyf 4 yrs now and still struggle talking with his parents, think having 3 kids already was a bit much for their blue eyed boy and they tjougjt I wud give up when I realised he had no money, now I am pregnant She didnt talk to him for a week as she was in shock! I pop in for five mins once a week when he goes for tea, and they still struggle to talk to me.
I did resent not being included in his family life an that i never get an invite to family meals or xmas day etc..now I realise they are just stuck in a routine and don't like change....haha, well they got one massive change coming...his baba haha.

I am hoping I will finally be accepted into their family, and maybe even invited for a meal,

mrsjay Wed 23-Jan-13 14:32:02

can you not wait for him to come in to do the tea or get him to cook it If he can visit his mum and dad for a chat and a cuppa why can't you have a cuppa and a sit down when you get in from work, he may realise you harassed you feel when his dinner isn't ready when he gets in how long does he stay for I dont think YAbu but i do think you shouldn't be doing it all either when you get in,

GuffSmuggler Wed 23-Jan-13 14:26:52

This is ridiculous, he needs to put you and the family first and you both agree which night's he can shirk out of family commitments.

starmaker are you serious!? How can you have any respect for this man!?!

ChristianGreyIsAJackass Wed 23-Jan-13 14:22:50

Littleduckie are your DH's family of Italian origin? We have similar! :D

cerealqueen Wed 23-Jan-13 14:19:31

Could be do the pick up? or does he just prefer to do this? Does he do bath and bed? Does he cook your evening meal or you do all the cooking? More info needed really!

It is nice that he sees his mum but every day...maybe bring the Dcs to her once a week too for their tea, which he cooks?

scaevola Wed 23-Jan-13 14:17:11

I think it's a good think to stay close to your family and would be delighted if my DSes grew up to want to be in such frequent contact.

Which makes this situation a bit of a bugger. Because I think you are definitely NBU to think it's wrong to opt out of the heavy-toll parenting roles in the hours between the end of school and bed-time. How far away is work? Could you tell him to come straight home, then pop into theirs later for a night cap instead?

Yorkpud Wed 23-Jan-13 14:10:11

YANBU- Is there anyway you can take turns with who picks the children up from childcare or is it not practical?

meadow2 Wed 23-Jan-13 13:39:04

I dont see whats weird about this.Its one issue to not being doing any work, but its very common for people to speak to their parents everyday.

starmaker7 Wed 23-Jan-13 12:50:27

my mil still makes dp's packed lunch for him ,he calls every morning for it on his way to work

COCKadoodledooo Tue 22-Jan-13 21:36:31

Actually your post has just brought back a memory that makes me smile.
A long long time ago I worked for a bank. I lived in one town, worked in another but was asked to go to a different branch on relief. Turned out the manager of said branch lived just round the corner, so he said he'd pick me up every morning for the duration. Mysteriously he said I'd need to get the train back as he couldn't bring me. He was late 20s btw, I was 5 or so years younger.

All sorts of scenarios went through my mind as to why he'd refuse to bring me home, but I eventually discovered that he stopped by his mum's house. Every night. For his tea. She also still made his pack up every day grin

andtheycalleditbunnylove Tue 22-Jan-13 21:31:36

the answer is clear to me. get the children, be round at his mum's before he arrives. have a cup of tea with him and his parents. do this every day.

DorisIsWaiting Tue 22-Jan-13 21:29:26

Maybe he needs to start collecting the kids. Then you can relax in peace get on with the tea. If he wants to see his parents he can do so with the kids in tow !

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