to think that if my friend really was a friend, she'd care if I had money to feed my kids ?

(62 Posts)

Long story, but basically, I childmind for my friend, before and after school. All above board, registered as self employed etc, not registered as a childminder though cos she is over 8.

Anyway, stupidly, because she is a friend there was never a contract, and now she is screwing me over.

The agreement was as follows. I was to get paid £50 per week, term time only wether I had her or not. This is because my friend works shifts so each week could be different. Depending on the shifts, I would have her at 6:50am, until school, and then after school until 5. This was usually 3/4 times a week somtimes 5.

Recently she has increasingly started to take the piss, ie asking me to collect her anyway, even if she is at home herself, because she cba to get out of bed etc. This means me driving her dd home, and costs me petrol money. I have started to say no sorry, i'm walking the school run, which is perfectly true.

She has also started doing extra hours, but not paying me any extra.

Anyway, this week I was due to have her on tues pm, wed am &pm, thurs am &pm and fri pm.
On tuesday my ds ws sick at school, and i had to fetch him. I rang her and said i couldn't fetch her dd, and i couldn't have her on the wed either. She said ok, not to worry.
I txt her on thursday night to say my ds was fine, and going back to school the next day (thurs), so i was fine for the rest of the week. No reply

Her dd didn;t arrive on the thursday morning. I saw her at school, and it turned out her elder brother had taken and fetched her on wed, and taken her that day. I said 'i'm fetching you though right ?' and she said no, her brother was.

I knew right away what was going to happen.

Today, i very briefly saw my friend in the playground, and she said she was fetching her dd that afternoon, and so that means i've not had her at all this week, and so they haven't paid me.

I think they have done it on purpose, because i couldn't have their dd on tue/wed, but fgs i use that money to feed my kids, and she knows that.

I have no idea now wether i am having her dd next week or not, or if i am ever having her again at all.

Icelollycraving Fri 18-Jan-13 23:00:43

I think you need to make things more formal. I think her arranging to collect her child is actually reasonable as presumably she had to alter her work hours.

Pancakeflipper Fri 18-Jan-13 23:00:55

It's very messy this. End it and use the place for a family who do pay you.

MsVestibule Fri 18-Jan-13 23:01:06

TBH, the whole arrangement sounds a bit slapdash. I think you either have to draw up a contract whereby she pays you per hour, or say you can't look after her at all.

Out of interest, do you have other mindees? If so, did you say you couldn't look after them at the last minute when your DD was ill?

Nope, she carried on as normal and got her son to fetch her on his way home from secondary school.

katiecubs Fri 18-Jan-13 23:02:09

Um text her or speak to her to clear it all up?

Also agree on some more specific terms.

Icelollycraving Fri 18-Jan-13 23:02:20

Also IMO to not pay you is fair enough for the cover you couldn't provide.

I don't have any other mindees no.

But i was available thursday and today, she just chose not to use me.

the original agreement was, I got paid £50 per week whatever hours i had her, including if i didnt have her at all, because some weeks i'd have her every day, so it would even its self out.

I agree that it isn't formal enough but you know, because she was a friend, i thought i could trust her not to rip me off.

The hours have got longer, and the extra request more, but despite always saying she will pay me more, she never does.

It doesn't normally bother me as much, as long as I get my £50, but this week she has left me without money.

HollyBerryBush Fri 18-Jan-13 23:05:27

Well, you aren't going to be losing anything by not having the child as you arent getting paid. Although without a contract was this a cash-in-hand or through the books? Do Ofsted not give advice on this sort of thing?

Cut your losses and don't have the child again, your friend will have to make alternative arrangements.

maddening Fri 18-Jan-13 23:05:48

I'd do an hourly rate

Narked Fri 18-Jan-13 23:06:44

No contract, no security. Stop minding her child.

Ofsted aren't invloved becuse i'm not registered.

I don't pay any tax cos i don't earn enough, but my income is declared yes and I file a tax return.

If i stop having her then the friendship will stop, but then that says all I need to know really doesn't it.

shesariver Fri 18-Jan-13 23:08:42

Why dont you register as a registered childminder? Im pretty sure you are breaking the law by accepting money as an unregistered child minder looking after a child and taking payment, but Im prepared to be corrected. Anyway these type of agreements between friends when they involve money are a recipe for disaster, it wont end well.

shesariver Fri 18-Jan-13 23:10:23

If you are not a registered child minder and complying with Ofsted what are you registered as self employed as? confused

HollyBerryBush Fri 18-Jan-13 23:10:37

I didn't know you didnt have to be registered to look after a child over 8 years.

You don't have to be registered to mind a child over 8. Her dd is 10.

There are several reasons i haven't registered which are too long winded to go into atm.

I was meant to stop having her in july anyway.

Over 8's childminder is what i'm registered as. I spoke to the tax office before hand and they were fine with that.

Its very rare I hear of this sort of arrangement that actually works out for all parties. I have seen quite a few friendships end over this type of thing.Tbh with the arrangement as it is I don't think she is being unreasonable because she didn't know how long your ds would be ill and probably made the arrangements on tuesday.

CanIHaveAPetGiraffePlease Fri 18-Jan-13 23:12:55

If she's paying £10 a day whether or not she's using you surely she has kind of been doing you a favour by not using you some days, but is entitled to use you everyday? (The cm we were thinking of using calls it a retainer as they can't fill your slot if they keep it for you)

If it works out at £10 a day every day then they're entitled to use you every day whether its because they're working or fancy a lie in surely? If you've started saying no you can't cm when she's relying on you then I guess I'd be tempted to look elsewhere too as I'd need to know my cm is reliable.

I'm not sure where the "money to feed my kids" bit comes from. Surely that should be from your income/benefits/tax credits/whatever your reliable income is? A friend would care about not having money to feed kids and may help out one month but thats completely separate from a cm agreement surely? Or do you feel she ought to be giving you the money regardless?

Or maybe I'm just missing something?

HollyBerryBush Fri 18-Jan-13 23:17:36

TBh she isn't paying you becasue she cant afford to - and to her, feeding her children are a higher priority than you feeding yours.

Cut your loses, she is using you.

how are you going to manage in the meantime?

Believe me can ihaveapetgiraffe, they more than get their money's worth out of me. I could count on one hand the weeks where i haven't had her, infact i think it has happened once. I also feed her, and take her home if my friends been on nights. Non if which was in the original agreement.

When this arrangement first started, I lived within spitting distance of them, but i've moved. When i moved i said it was up to them if they still wanted me to have her or not. They did, and the agreement was that I only dropped her home, if her mum had been on nights. If she was on a late shift, i bought her to mind and her dad collected her later.
The after a while she started txting me just before the school run saying she was tired, so could i fetch her and take her home. That wasn't the agreement, and tbh her dd likes her mum to fetch her herself when shes not at work.

Hollyberry - They can more than afford to pay me. They take home £70000 a year plus.

I'm a single mum, so I do rely on the money. I will have to go back to signing on and find something else.

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