OMG. A thread combining baby sex and MIL. Can't quite believe I'm doing this...(98 Posts)
Just had 20 week scan and it's a boy! Yay! So happy, already have one DS and this is great, wasn't actually bothered but just love knowing as now I know his name and he's a little person to me already.
HOWEVER, MIL just called me (DH called her to let her know, he's not at home right now) to say she's happy but ONLY because it's a boy, if it was a girl she wouldn't be. I quite want to break something... AIBU to be annoyed? Actually just venting rage rage rage... don't even care if I am.
My mil told me the scan was wrong when I told her we were having dd! Apparently according to her 2anddones don't gave girls (she has 4 nieces!) she then proceded to ask dh if he would consider a DNA test
My Dmil said similar when we had our DC2. Dmil had 2 ds's.
We already a dd. Fine, that was a novelty to her so she accepted it (nice of her). However while I was of with ds (I didn't know the sex) she went on and ON about how horrible it would be if it was another dd. She would say things like...
"Poor DH. If its a another dd it'll be so horrible for him to have a house filled with girls."
"Girls are horrible and bitchy. I hope for everyone's sake it's a ds".
Now, I come from a family FULL of girls. In fact, my ds is the first boy to be born into our family in 38 years. I LOVE women and little girls. I have a family filled with sisters, aunts, nieces etc.
I would say...
"Well my Dad has lived having a houseful of girls. He's been great and loves us all dearly"
Her reply? "He's lying".
She just couldn't see how bloody hurtful she was being. It took me a long while to put it behind me.
Weird thing now is, dd is 8 and huge tomboy. She shuns anything pink, liking gothic beasts, animals and science fiction. However Dmil refuses to see her for who she is, always buying her pink sparkly things.
I try and let go over my head now. Silly cow.
That's a horrible thing to say. And completely unnecessary. What's wrong with just saying how nice it is that you're expecting a boy without mentioning girl babies at all?
Incidentally, I know someone who was told that they were having a boy at the 20 week scan. Turned out that the sonographer had mistaken a bit of umbilical cord for a penis, and the baby was actually a girl.
I remember a tv show years back about a woman who had 4 boys and was desperate for a girl, she said something like, "I liken not being able to have a girl, with not being able to have kids at all", it pissed me off, her 5th child was a boy also, she had 4 beautiful boys and another on the way, some people never get to experience that joy of having a child, and people who can have kids are whiny over what sex they are, atleast these people can have them.
My MIL has 2 boys and 5 grandsons (only one from us!), she openly says that when she had DH she told the dr that if it was a girl to put it back, she didn't want a girl.....She openly says how happy she is that she only has boys in the family as girls are all bitches.... Amongst similar statements.
I'm 29 weeks pregnant, and we will be having a DD. DH and I (and my side of the family) are thrilled - and would have been whatever the colour!
I've got things planned to say for when she spouts this drivel once the baby is born. I will not allow my daughter to grow up hearing such hurtful statements from her grandmother. If MIL cannot control what she says, then my daughter will not be spending a lot of time in her company. Luckily my DH also realises that these things she says aren't good, but no one has challenged her before.
FIL, who is lovely (and from whom DH inherited his personality) is very much looking forward to a little girl to spoil.
I was recently old by the sonographer that 1 in 20 gender predictions from scans are wrong. Remind her of that!
Looks at dd - 14, gazing at lappy - bites tongue - she's been lippy tonight .
yoghurty - my MIL said when I was preg with my second, ' oh, don't you hope you have a boy this time? They're so much more loving than girls.'
Well fuck off then if you don't think you're grandaughter is loving enough for you.
She has 2 grandaughters from me now!
marriedinwhite your post made me fill up.
Your bit about shock, delight and privilege, struck a chord with me about how I felt when I had my first girl. I had none of the heartbreak you had, but did think I was having a boy due to the sonographer going from saying "baby" to "he" halfway through my 20w scan.
To OP, I think your MIL was clumsily trying to say something in the misapprehension that you may have needed cheering up about not having a girl.
Saying "oh great you'll get to reuse all your DS1's fabulous baby things" or something to that effect would have been much more appropriate that dissing girls.
My late MIL severely got on my tits and spoke the biggest heap of shite permanently
mainly due to alcoholism . I got into the habit of finding fault with everything she said and did and didn't hide my disgust at her. If the woman had won the lotto and handed me a million quid I would have still managed to find a fault in her.
Apology. He has since sadly passed away but it ate away at me and it was to me the beginning on depression. So ignore x
When my lovely husband told his father (accidentally on speaker phone) that we were expecting a girl. He said 'ah never mind'. I was /still am gutted more than two years later, and I received an ap
is barking only likes boys. She has 2 daughters and disowned them and dotes on DH. When DH told her we were expecting a baby she automatically kept referring to her 'grandson', even tho we didn't find out the sex. DS turned out to be a DS, so she is very happy, but also goes on about how much better boys are than girls - so much more loving, better babies etc. It really annoys me as we will be trying for DC2 soon and if it's a girl she will treat her completely differently, it also makes me want girls just to piss her off and i really actually have no preference, just a lovely squidgy baby is what i want.
My MIL said thank you when I told her DS was a boy as she'd been praying for our first born to be a boy. She told me the eldest should always be a son. Apparently that's the best type of family.
I'm the eldest of three and female. :|
Oh Peka blesd you but I'm not well balanced. I'm a crockpot of insanity waiting to bubble over . But in answer to your question YANBU. Youre pregnant therefore are always NBU! Congratulations and good luck.
My MIL also said she didn't know what to do with girls.
She is one, has nieces, had a mum, has sisters.
I had a girl..
I dont know Greg! She's always fallen over herself to be nice to me so I assume it was trying to be funny gone wrong. We used to have girlie nights out and everything pre-dc. I think karma is biting her on the ass however now since BIL has been acting like a prize twunt and disproved her boys are perfect theory!
OMG stropzilla I'm amazed you are as well-balanced as you seem to be. I will get off my high horse and pack it away.
Blimey Peka and Strop, only thing i can think of for a reason is that its fear of the son having 2 many females in his life.
She can be a bit odd about stuff! I just ignored it tbh and fortunately she could admit she was wrong. It was my grandad who really upset me. On finding out I was pregnant with DD2 I had "oh that's a shame. ". And going off on one about being able to forgive a woman her first child but not the second and how the state has to pay for it all those evil single mothers. ..not that it matters but im married and Dh has his own business!
stropzilla I'm sat with my mouth open in shock!
Ok stropzilla you win! What an insane thing to say!!! I would have hit the roof!
My MIL actually said to me "if you have a girl I'll drown it because girls are cows." I went ahead and had 2 girls! She loved them both to bits and admits she was awful to say that! I like to tease her about it now. Hopefully yours will be the same way.
Just ignore, my MIL is GM to 4 boys (I have one DS with one of her sons and her other son has 3 DS) and when we found out the sex I got 'oh good, I don't know what to do with girls'?!
I do wonder what will be said if I ever get PG with a girl!
There is nothing in what she said that points to her being clumsy in her attempt to reassure you if you actuially wanted a girl. That are suggesting it, really are you genuinely thinking that?
This has reminded me of when I phoned my Grandmother to say I had had my son. She said "Oh, well you can have a girl next time." I was blissed up that my baby had been extracted alive so let it go but wtaf? She wanted a girl but even so.
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