To feel a wee bit sorry for the bully girl in the new "happy slapping" video?

(93 Posts)
Bluemonkeyspots Thu 17-Jan-13 12:43:19

I mean the one with the girl jolene bullying the autistic boy.

The video is disgusting and makes very uncomfortable viewing, I felt sick watching it and putting my own dc in the place of the poor boy, if it was my dc I would want to rip her head off but I'm also really disturbed by all the comments about the girl that are online.

She is only 14 and I can't help but feel a bit sorry for her, maybe she is just pure nasty through and through but none of us know her background story.

While it would not make what she did ok what if she is abused at home by her own parents? What if there is nobody to support her through this and it pushes her to take her own life?

Maybe I'm just going soft due to pregnancy hormones but I really don't like all the hate groups springing up on Facebook etc with adults calling her all the nasty names under the sun and listing the disgusting things they would do to her. Can they not see the irony in what they are doing.

WilsonFrickett Thu 17-Jan-13 17:27:35

The comments are disgusting. We don't educate people not to bully by bullying back. However my sympathy is entirely with the boy. I should say I haven't watched the video though. With a vulnerable boy, I already have nightmares about this sort of thing. I don't need to see it on YouTube.

McBalls Thu 17-Jan-13 18:17:28

The people leaving hateful comments bottom-feeders who frequent newspaper/YouTube/faceache comments sections.

No matter what the story, they would leave vile comments. It's just who they are and what they do.

Doesn't elicit any sympathy from me for this girl though.

McBalls Thu 17-Jan-13 18:21:08

Haven't read the comments btw, or seen the video (and won't be) but just going by what's been said here.

Online comment sections really do attract the dregs of society.

WhatchuTalkinBoutPhyllis Thu 17-Jan-13 18:26:22

YABVVU angry How could anyone with half a brain watch that video and feel anything but disgust towards that girl? On yer bike

fourfingerkitkat Thu 17-Jan-13 18:33:18

I'll be honest, I'm one of those people who thought " little witch" when I saw the video. What she did that boy was disgusting but it does not merit the volume of hatred that it's been given. She's 11 and from God knows what kind of background.

I just find the whole situation so, so sad. First of all (and most of all) that the poor boy was subjected to that assault and secondly that for some reason a young girl has been brought up to think that it's acceptable to treat another person this way.

Greensleeves Thu 17-Jan-13 18:46:32

I feel sorry for all of them

the whole situation is utterly horrendous - I understand the hate she has attracted (if I could have had 5 minutes alone with the little monster that made my ds1 scared to go to school in KS1...) but she doesn't deserve the level of vitriol and threats of violence. Nobody does.

I was bullied physically and mentally for years and years. I know exactly how it feels to know for certain that you are the most unpopular and the ugliest person in the school and to be told it, every day. I've had my stuff stamped on and broken, one of my fingers deliberately broken, kicked i the crotch so I couldn't walk, boiling hot mashed potato thrown in my face in front of a hall full of people laughing and clapping. I used to sit down at meals and everyone would get up and leave, because I was so disgusting I was putting them off their food.

I am almost certainly on the autistic spectrum (I would stake my house on it) and didn't fit in. My ds1 has Aspergers and episodes like this one make my blood run cold. It's terrifying. When I read posts by parents on MN whose children are being victimised in the same way, it makes my stomach clench. It is terrible to feel so helpless and natural to want to flatten the little sods who are doing it.

But we are NOT going to help the situation with hate and more violence and turning our backs in disgust. The only way to change it is the long way round - education, awareness, training up pupils, staff and parents, raising the profile of disabilities, equipping our kids with coping strategies.

porridgewithalmondmilk Thu 17-Jan-13 18:48:18

I just watched it on mute so I did not hear the comments, but it brought back some horrible memories.

I was a quiet girl at school, so in year 7, my Drama teacher cast me as a dog in the play we were doing, obviously intending to be kind. Unfortunately, it led to years of bullying. It was absolutely awful. Other kids used to bark at me constantly, "you fucking ugly dog" "dog breath" "you look like dog's meat" "bitch." It was CONSTANT. I used to dread answering a question in a lesson as someone would bark, and then everyone would laugh.

It was also physical - shoving, pushing, hitting, kicking, but it wasn't even that. It was the feeling of absolute powerlessness, feeling as if you didn't matter and your feelings were there to be laughed at. And it's stayed with me until adult life. My parents moved me out of that school in the end and although I wasn't bullied at my new school I wasn't with girls/boys I'd been at primary at either and didn't have strong bonds as a result.

It ruined three years of my life, destroyed my self confidence, had me hate myself. It ruined our family life - my mum and dad were obviously upset I was upset - it is so hard to add up and put into words what you lose.

No child should ever, ever, ever be made to feel like that. Children are only sweet to adults, to one another they are so scary. I had kids like that square up to me and even when I was taller it made my knees shake and my heart pound, and the constant threat of it happening was terrible.

I don't feel sorry for the girl. Perhaps I should but I don't.

If that was my son though my heart would break for him but I would also be so proud. What a gorgeous young man he is.

PeneloPeePitstop Thu 17-Jan-13 18:54:48

Can't bring myself to watch it, no matter how disgusting this little madam is though she doesn't deserve 'kill yourself' type of comments.

Nice that she's on the receiving end of bullying, though.

mrsjay Thu 17-Jan-13 19:12:30

dont feel sorry for her yes she needs help she beat up somebody she has obviously got problems but she isn't to be pitied imo

AllYoursBabooshka Thu 17-Jan-13 19:13:21

I just can't, I have really tried to feel sympathy for this girl but I simply can't.

The fact that he is stood there with his glasses in his hand, waiting to be for her to hurt him and get it over with... He just want's to go home.

I'm not sure what I would be capable of if he were my son.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance Thu 17-Jan-13 19:44:44

I can't watch the video or read the comments about the girl - DS with ASD so it's too close to home.

What punishment did the girl have for doing what she did - or was she not brought to account because of her age?

BTW - I wouldn't trust myself in a room with someone who treated my son in this way either.

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza Thu 17-Jan-13 20:13:41

A society that tells 11 year old girls to "kill yourself whore bitch", etc, is not one that will become more caring and sensitive towards children with special needs.

The whole thing is horrific and depressing and while I certainly feel most sorry for the young boy, my sympathy and empathy are not limited to just one recipient. Young children should not be targets of viral abuse, no matter how awful what they did was. It won't make anything better.

Mia4 Thu 17-Jan-13 21:15:18

YANBU to hate the mob mentality and trolling that goes online, it shows a really nasty side to people sometimes-especially when you get those describing how they'd murder or maim someone in retribution.

But YABU to try and think of reasons to justify this girl being the victim The boy is the victim, the girl the bully, there is no excusing behaving like that. Whatever her life or even if she's been in terrible situations it is not an excuse or reasoning for her choices. Plenty of people are shitty controlling bullies having had great lives. Many people have been fucked over during their life but don't choose to take out on others.

Life is full of choices. This girl made hers as did her enabling friend, they have to take responsibility for them if this videos real. You can hate the vile comments and mob mentality, even agree that yes it's ironic in it's context but that's completely different to feeling sorry for her and trying to excuse her behaviour.

BoneyBackJefferson Thu 17-Jan-13 22:03:56

fluffywhitekittens

Its interesting that the article tries to blame the victim several times and tries to excuse the girl by the supposition of backstory

Branleuse Thu 17-Jan-13 22:15:31

not uncommon in schools unfortunately. Was pretty much an everyday thing at my school. Wonder why this video has got public attention?

Gibbous Thu 17-Jan-13 22:25:25

I am always incredulous when people rail against bullying by using the same aggressive bullying themselves.

Can they really not see the awful irony? Or is it just an excuse to get all stupid and violent?

shesariver Thu 17-Jan-13 22:33:45

Sick of people trotting out the sympathy vote for bullies when it should be the victims that matter. But no, lets all look for a reason, shes had a difficult childhood blah blah, couldnt care less. My DS was bullied by a psychopathic 11 year old so badly we had to move house to get away from him as he was our neighbour. So I would love to see all of you that have sympathy for this bully feel the same if you had watched your child destroyed physically and mentally and felt powerless to get anything done because it was a child.

fluffywhitekittens Thu 17-Jan-13 22:38:08

What she did was terrible and she deserves punishment. I don't know the whole story, I don't know her or his background. I don't know how many people were there watching and recording.
But I have read a few of the Facebook comments and they made me feel physically sick.
How do you possibly teach someone like her who bullies ( and possibly has been bullied or abused) that it's wrong and there are alternative ways when this is the reaction?

Greensleeves Thu 17-Jan-13 22:42:04

some of us have been through this ourselves shesariver, and can still see that piling more hate and anger into the situation is not contributing to a solution hmm

what would YOU like to do? Lock up all the damaged children? There are too many, and there is nowhere to put them. We have to be grown-up and think smarter than that.

TBH this is why victims and their families DON'T get to make the decisions about what happens to perpetrators. Because if they did, we would be living in a very frightening society.

shesariver Thu 17-Jan-13 23:10:25

At no point did I say "piling on more hate and anger" is acceptable - Im talking about sympathy expressed for the bully!

Greensleeves - you have no clue what my DS and my family have been through, what I wrote was only a brief few sentences, so dont patronise me with all this "poor bullies " claptrap, society and what we do with them. There is no hope for the boy that terrorised my DS, he doesnt want to change as he gets far too much pleasure doing what he does. I will bide my time, as he wont always be a child and dealt with by the Childrens Panel system, one day he will be an equally bad adult who will undoubtedly kill someone, just very thankful its not my son. So he can rot for all I care.

shesariver Thu 17-Jan-13 23:12:29

The Policeman that dealt with the charges we brought against him said he was the most manipulative liar he had ever seen in his career, some going.

Callycat Thu 17-Jan-13 23:28:16

Haven't seen the video. But she is a child, and therefore capable of change. Sadly, that change is much less likely to occur if she is publicly stamped as "bad". People are much more complex than that.

Gah, I've just seen too many "bad" people turn their lives around to be comfortable with this. We're all capable of badness under shitty enough circumstances.

Whilst not agreeing with the extreme responses & mob response (obviously), no I didn't feel sorry for her really. [competing interest: mother of a child with severe learning disabilities]

SinisterBuggyMonth Thu 17-Jan-13 23:40:42

The article on an earlier link is pretty vague and seemed to be blaming the victim.

Despite the invention of the web I dont believe we live in a world that confronts bullies, we live in a world where they are tollerated, bolshyness is encouraged as confidence, and any slight difference is viewed as fair game for bullies. No officials ever rush to defend the victims, to examin their background. A kudos surrounds defending the bully, like finding rough diamond.

Soon the next viral wil come along, and Jolene will be consigned to the scrap pile, along with the Cat Bin Lady and the Croydon racist tram woman. And she will just carry on bullying other children and no one will do anything about it.

Greensleeves Fri 18-Jan-13 00:25:36

admittedly my experience of really severe bullying is based on my own childhood, not my children's. if I think about it, yes, the picking on/ostracising my ds has had has been really mild by comparison, but it upset me much more and made me very angry. So I do see where you are coming from shesariver - I don't have experience of my child suffering what this poor lad or your ds have been through.

I wasn't trying to patronise you though. I just feel strongly that demonising young offenders doesn't help improve matters. But as you say, I have the luxury of a relatively detached perspective and I might be different if I had had my child being beaten up and terrified. sad

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