upsylazy
Tue 11-Dec-12 13:40:46
Bit of background: DD wanted piano lessons a few years ago which I arranged. I tried to encourage DS1 (now 12) to have a try and he was adamant that he wasn't doing it - He's like this if you try to get him to do anything new but, if you can persuade him, he nearly always ends up enjoying it, I had a quiet word with the teacher to see if he could try to coax DS into giving it a try and it worked!
He's now turned out to be really gifted (my poor DD gave up in disgust when she realised how much better he was that her). We've been paying for piano lessons for the last 3 years and have recently forked out £1500 which we can barely afford for a new piano.
The head of music made a beeline for him last year when he started year 7 and has really encouraged him. He also plays piano in a school band.
Last Christmas, he opened their concert with a perfect solo and it was one of the proudest moments of my life.
I've been asking him if there's another one this year and he's been really vague - saying that he didn't know when it was and giving the impression that he isn't even in it. I then got a text from school saying that the concert's on Thursday. When I put this to Ds, he said that he is playing but doesn't want me to come. He couldn't even give a reason, just kept repeating that he just didn't. I got really upset so he said thet he'd try to get some tickets but then told me they were sold out. i got a bit suspicious and said that i could phone the school to check at which point he confessed that they weren't sold out.
He flounced out of the bedroom this morning saying "OK, come then!" in a really aggressive tone which just isn't like him.
I told him that what i wanted was for him to want me to come which he clearly doesn't. Am I right to be upset or is this normal behaviour for a 12 year old? I feel like crying.
SecretSantaSquirrels
Tue 11-Dec-12 17:50:03
Not just me then.
DS2 is 14 and in the school play. He has a comic role and was wavering about quitting as everyone would laugh at him. No matter how much I said they would be laughing at the character not at him he said he couldn't bear for his friends and family to see it.
So I promised not to go.
He breathed a sigh of relief and carried on.
Just quietly get a ticket and go along.Sit somewhere unobtrusive and afterwards just say "Well done ds,that was lovely."
He may have been teased last year if a friend or relative's dc saw some over effusive comments from you on fb or something.This year keep it totally private.
Spons
Tue 11-Dec-12 18:08:47
Do you have anything else big going on your life op? Reason I ask was because, I was just like your son at this age. At the time my mom was coping with and caring for my nan who had Alzheimer's and my Dad was made redundant. I sort of felt that anything I had going on wasn't important as the 'big stuff' (not that they particularly projected on to me) and withdrew into myself almost having a separate life. Unfortunately I've never really stopped this trait.
Could be totally wide of the mark, and banging on about my family for no reason! More than likely he's just being a 'normal' 12 year old boy.
upsylazy
Tue 11-Dec-12 20:48:55
Quick update: DS came home from school late (after rehearsal) gave me big bear hug and said "I'm sorry, was in bad mood this morning" . I;m not going to go tomorrow but feel reassured that it's not because he hates me that he doesn't want me there. thanks for your wise words everyone. I've got a lot to learn about teenagers!
HildaOgden
Tue 11-Dec-12 20:56:47
Awwwww 
. Glad you got a hug and made up,he sounds great.
pigletpower
Tue 11-Dec-12 23:49:22
I thought 'Tall Poppy Syndrome' was when other people didn't like anyone elses success and cut them down.
OP - I would go, just don't tell him before hand and sit at the back. You can tell him the day after, or in 5 years time that you never missed a concert, but do go and see him.
inchoccyheaven
Wed 12-Dec-12 00:35:08
My ds2 who is now 10 has always hated me going to any of his school performances including class assemblies and have been know to cry his eyes out over it until I promise not to go! He doesn't like performing anyway and the fact that he knows someone will be there to watch him makes him really upset.
I have missed lots of his plays etc whereas ds1 always wanted me to watch so I do feel a bit sad about it.
whois
Wed 12-Dec-12 00:41:16
My Mum, even now, will say 'ChippingIn was so good, she xxx or yyy' and I want the ground to swallow me up! Fine if she wants to tell her friends etc but FGS Mum - learn not to do it when I'm standing there like a fucking lemon
Omg I think your mum is my mum!
I was with her a few years ago and we bumped into an old teacher. Mum told him all about my first class degree, prof qual, prizes in the prof exams, my job with one of the big names in my profession AND then went on to tell him about my appraisal grading. OMfuckingG does not even cover the embarrassment! I was basically tugging at her sleeve and hissing "stop it" like a 12 year old!
Asked her later why she did that and she said it was because he really put me down at school and she's proud of me. Aw.
OP, I reckon your DS will grow out of it. I invited my mum to come to a concert I was in at the weekend and was stoked she came.
upsylazy
Wed 12-Dec-12 09:58:27
I think i have real ishoos that my parents took very little interest in anything i did and I always vowed that I would smother my DCs with praise for every little thing that they did and I'm learning that that isn't what Ds1 actually wants. He does want praise but in a much more subtle way.
DD excels at sport - is in the athletics, football and cricket squad and got selected from all the girls in the UK to go away on a cricket coaching week. This is great because DS1 hates sport with a passion so at least it's an area where they're not competing with each other. She actually loves OTT effusive praise so I will use my gushing mummy act on her (until she turns 12 in 2 years time and decides that she doesn't want me there either).
I hope I'm not coming across as boastful btw - it just amazes me that someone who's tone deaf and was always picked last for sports teams and ran the slowest 100m in the history of my school could have produced these children!
Well, I'm 37 and I wouldn't let any of my friends or family come and see me perform in a special event lately - I would just have found it a million times harder with 'real people' in the audience.
DonkeysInTheStableAtMidnight
Wed 12-Dec-12 11:36:17
Not boastful at all, upsylazy, and if your parents weren't ones to come and support you, then that explains why you are keen to do the opposite with your DCs. By the time your DD decides not to have you cheerleading DS might have softened his attitude somewhat 
.
. Got to love them 
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