Mumsnet Talk

I work for an international education provider, it was our end of term dinner last night.

We had a discussion about the fact we'd chosen a veggie restaurant to accommodate a colleague's religious beliefs. He said that he was sick of feeling marginalised because of them and we had a chat about how the world was changing and becoming tolerant.

I literally went to the loo and came back to another colleague in tears as she had mentioned looking forward to her brother's same sex wedding ceremony over the Xmas break and the same guy had told her that her brother was unclean and unnatural.

I would like a few views on this as I am shocked at the hypocrisy but other colleagues have said leave it as he is deeply religious and totally entitled to hold this view.

He is entitled to hold his views, but bloody rude and insensitive to voice them when he knows it is likely to cause offence.

Homophobic person hiding behind his religious beliefs

And he is in teaching??

He can have those views but he should have kept them to himself without the need to say them out loud and offend someone else.

What an arse!

What a vile man, nasty and mean.

Let your employers know that that it is time for stonewall to come in and do one of their courses with the staff It needs to be done before anymore damage is done.

accommodate a colleague's religious beliefs

I would be very careful in the future about what you accommodate, as by doing so you are approving these sick ideas, If a religion condemns people for something that is perfectly natural and a part of themselves, by accommodating that religion you are approving that action.

Agrees and nods with Witchety..

So he feels marginalised and that gives him carte blanche to be a prick to everyone else.

Not directly, he is admin staff. He was vocal beforehand that teaching staff excluded him and that the meal was too Xmas focussed. Sorry if that sounds drip feeding. I was just shocked that the utter irony passed him by!

What a charmer. A nice day of training 'n' biscuits in the New Year beckons.

He also complained about being marginalised for being veggie? You don't say.

Just to clarify - was the vegetarian colleague the same one who made the comments about gay marriage?

In the uk people hold these views ( IMHO idiots) but if they express them in a way that causes distress to another person it's a crime.

Homophobia is not ok no matter why you are homophobic.

And if he wants people to accommodate his differences he should also hold his tongue about others.

He's an arse

But she was actually in tears because he aired his bigoted views?

Had she drank a lot by then or is she especially sensitive?

And what restaurant doesn't have a veggie alternative anyway?

I wouldn't have given up my turkey dinner for him...not at an Xmas work do.

Mm not sure I understand.

Was the rude man also the veggie?

Who is the "them" who are being accommodated?

Why was he complaining that the Christmas meal was too 'Xmas focussed'?

I'm not surprised that the teaching staff are excluding him. When you work with children from all backgrounds and of any sexual orientation you tend to take a pretty dim view of people like this.

Yes it was. He's not a veggie but it was easier than finding meat that he could eat.

Thanks for the great suggestions and comments all!

Just to clarify - because whatever unpleasant and bigoted views someone comes out with, you can usually think of a child/family it would apply to.

Just re-read the OP, and I don't think they are the same person.

So - in one breath he grumbled about respecting the religious beliefs of others, then shortly afterwards referred to his own religious beliefs as reason for abusing someone else? Hypocritical much.

Oh it was? Never mind, ignore my last post then!

Don't be too pc, you can respect his needs (I'm assuming halal/kosher) while still challenging him when he doesn't respect others is a prick

Yes it was the same guy.

No, she wasn't drunk because, oh more irony, we decided that we wouldn't drink as that was a key issue withthis guy, that he missed out on socialising because his beliefs stop him coming to the pub. Several colleagues are teetotal.

Anyway, no she wasn't sensitive just upset that he told her her brother was unclean and disgusting.
And it's diversity training that kicked it all off!!

If a religion condemns people for something that is perfectly natural and a part of themselves, by accommodating that religion you are approving that action.

It's a private institution and the head office/owners are overseas. They recently worried that they were not an inclusive employer and sent all the admin and admissions staff on a diversity course. On the back of that, this guy, who has always been pretty amenable and fitted in happily, has started demanding changes to accommodate his beliefs.

I am worried that my female colleague, who has taken this very personally indeed, will say something that she regrets, and I wanted to advise her to kind of turn the other cheek.

But these responses are pretty definite that his attitude stinks.

Can he claim that he is entitled to his his personal views?

I spoke to her this afternoon and she's seeking legal advice, she wants some of us to write witness accounts.

AIBU to think, fuck it's the end of term, she's not a close friend, this could get really ugly and I have a lot to do.

Or does that make me feeble and just as bad?

Next year make sure your Christmas do is in a booze-filled, meat fest of a place, perhaps with gay waiters.

How dare someone complain that the Christmas do is too Christmassy?

How would he feel if someone voiced the opinion that everyone who follows his religion is stupid/unclean/the devil etc etc.

Simple, gay waiters is gorgeous!!

He felt entitled to complain because we are an international organisation and the students are of many faiths. In previous years we've had Xmas dinners that involved lots of turkey and booze and those who don't partake came Ali g and ate what they wanted instead and didn't drink. Simple, eh?

This year, we didn't even call it that, it was an end of term celebration and the non-drinking veggie place was because this chap claimed he couldn't trust meat restaurants to serve the food he could eat.

We offered to do non-drinking at the meal so as not to offend and he said that he really appreciated it and for the first time he felt included.

Believe me, that's pretty much what my colleagues are saying! I'm just worried that pouring more fury on the situation might result in someone saying something they could get into real trouble for.

He seemed pretty confident that it was OK to express such views.

I don't know, maybe I'm over thinking it and being really narked that what was supposed to be a nice inclusive gesture meant I spent a sober night mopping up a sad lady and trying not to insult a bigot's religious beliefs.

Came along!! Not came Ali G! Although it felt as surreal and brick wall like