To get a bit angry when people who aren't parents judge children and parenting

(74 Posts)
PartyFops Thu 06-Dec-12 19:12:08

(Sorry - slightly facebook themed)

Someone who is not a parent has just posted on facebook a news article from the daily fail about how grandparents think that laid back parenting has led to badly behaved children. ( I probably agree)

She commented on the link saying that there is nothing worse than bad mannered children and saying that all children should ask to leave the table, be polite, not interrupt, don't talk with mouth full etc etc. I completely agree that this would be lovely in an ideal world if every child behaved like that, but it really isn't that easy, and can be a long road of really hard work to get children to learn their manners. And also some children are easier than others.

Grrr angry just makes me so angry that a non parent can be so judgy!

rant over. smile

Floggingmolly Thu 06-Dec-12 19:47:32

There is nothing worse than bad mannered children
They'll be basing that opinion on other people's children they've observed, they don't need their own children to come to that conclusion.

BackforGood Thu 06-Dec-12 19:50:46

YABU to 'get angry when people judge', as she's not judging. She's offering an opinion on a newspaper article - it's called taking part in a discussion. She's not said "I think your children are rude / ill-mannered / whatever because you aren't doing a good job of parenting", she's offering her twopenceworth into a debate.

anewyear Thu 06-Dec-12 19:52:01

My boys are 14 & 11, so a Parent, also at present a Childminder/Pre-Schooler Practitioner, have worked as an LSA, School parent Gov'nor and an Ex Youth Leader.
Im not perfect nor are MY kids but totaly agree with her...

HazleNutt Thu 06-Dec-12 19:53:02

So you also agree for example that non-dog-owners should not have any opinions about dog ownership and how dogs should behave? If teaching some manners to kids is not easy, training an animal not to jump or bark or come when called is certainly not easier. For some reason you can see those topics on MN quite often, where people who have never had dogs voice their opinions about badly behaved ones.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid Thu 06-Dec-12 19:57:00

Why on earth should someone who hasn't had the luck/desire/opportunity to procreate be denied the chance to express an opinion.

Personally, I think there are children out there who are horrendous, due to poor parenting. There are also children who are delightful. Why should I not be allowed to say this because I have fertility issues?

Do I sound chippy? I don't care.

Are you one of those people who wonder what the childless are doing on MN?

ArielThePiraticalMermaid Thu 06-Dec-12 19:57:46

I missed a question mark there, I was so cross.

PartyFops Thu 06-Dec-12 19:58:00

hazlenutt I have a dog and a child, give me a dog to train any day.

My dd does not respond to liver cake unfortunately smile

StickEmUp Thu 06-Dec-12 20:14:58

Im loving the responses. Im childless and being talked at by parents then told to shut up when expressing an opinion can be very hurtful.

Id like to thank you Ll smile. Because i was starting to feel a bit shit about it!

StickEmUp Thu 06-Dec-12 20:16:49

Thank you all rather.
And the difficulty factor is but 1 that made me decide against it.
So in a way, we do know how. Hard it is ;)

Sunnywithachanceofshowers Thu 06-Dec-12 20:18:53

YABU

Gingerodgers Thu 06-Dec-12 20:21:03

Well I was much more likely to have an opinion before dc. Now I just accept that they are all different, my youngest is well mannered, the oldest..... Not so much, not for lack of trying.

fenix Thu 06-Dec-12 20:22:12

Not to mention that we are all entitled to an opinion on parenting, because we are all somebody's children!

If we've had particularly good or bad experiences based on what our parents did, they're worth sharing.

bluer Thu 06-Dec-12 21:01:30

I don't have children but I work with teenagers every day so am I entitled to an opinion? Of course I am..in fact I'd day my opinion is more important as don't wear the blinkers many parents do. Oh and in case and one cares: you have no idea puff the manners and behaviour that your children exhibit when part of a group or when out of your sight. I have had many parents bring utterly shocked when I get Jamie or Anna to explain exactly what they've said or been up to. I have in fact made several parents cry...its a sad state but I do therefore feel qualified to make an opinion. angry

bluer Thu 06-Dec-12 21:02:30

Oh and ranting made my auto correct nuts wink

Hobbitation Thu 06-Dec-12 21:07:37

They are entitled to an opinion, but I'm also entitled to take the opinion with a pinch of salt. Generally people become more forgiving of other parents when they become parents themselves.

I agree with the FB friend in the op. Manners cost nothing. I felt this way before dd and I feel like it now. Even at 11mo dd says "ta" when I pass her something and "down" when she is finished her meal.

I know a few parents who feel the same and a few who do not. Those who do not generally refer to their dcs a "spirited" and "creative" and "frustrated". I generally refer to them as 'little buggers'

charlmarascoxo Thu 06-Dec-12 21:18:43

Agree she was just making an observation. She is allowed an opinion.

I do however remember a great phrase someone said on here - I was the perfect parent until I had children.

Alisvolatpropiis Thu 06-Dec-12 21:51:11

YABU - the woman is right. Not being a parent doesn't mean one can't have an opinion nor does being a parent make you an expert.

whois Thu 06-Dec-12 22:01:05

I don't see the problem. She doesn't like ride children? Who does?!!

She wasn't saying it was easy to bring up children, or saying how to do it.

Lottapianos Thu 06-Dec-12 22:10:09

I don't have children but I have over 10 years experience working with under 5s and their parents. That doesn't make me a parenting expert but I have learned a thing or two along the way. People without children can bring a different focus to debates about children's behaviour - it's easier to be clear about what kind of behaviours are unpleasant to be around without the emotional involvement that parents understandably have.

Furoshika Thu 06-Dec-12 22:13:43

YABU and YANBU.

It's too easy to say things when you don't have kids. But to be honest, some parents are shit. Before I had children I knew a family who almost put me off procreating. We talked plenty about them behind their backs. Everything I said about their parenting still stands.

PickledInAPearTree Thu 06-Dec-12 22:16:19

I agree with you to an extent where people (seen it on here plenty)

Say no child of mine is going to have a tantrum/be naughty etc etc in a really judged way.

But it's perfectly reasonable for a non parent to say they think its important to have manners as that's an opinion.

catwomanlikesmeatballs Thu 06-Dec-12 23:35:04

yabu, everybody has to live with the consequences of other peoples parenting, so everybody has the right to judge on what impacts them.

silvercup Fri 07-Dec-12 00:12:32

YABU because she wasn't judging, she was expressing an opinion.

I had plenty of opinions about children/how I would want to bring them up WAY before I had my own. And do you know what, not one single opinion of mine has changed. I'm parenting exactly the way I imagined I would 10 years ago. Doesn't mean I was or am judging anybody else...

ChippingInAWinterWonderland Fri 07-Dec-12 00:25:01

It is really stupid of people to think that people who don't have a child/dog/car/horse/lawnmower aren't allowed to have an opinion about said things.

It sounds like you are struggling to be the parent you thought you would be - there is help available smile

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