to not send my daughter to her evening nativity performance.

[watchoutforthatsnail]

Just got notice from the school. This years school play will take place on two evenings, a tuesday and thursday, at 6pm.
Dd is in year 2.
The tuesday is fine. However i get the keys for my new house wednesday evening. I start moving that thur and we are all going to stay at families for a few nights from the wed evening.

To me its just all too much to take dd to the second performance.

Aibu to not take her to that one.
And aibu to think that really these should take place in school time? I understand one evening performance for working parents ( i work) but two?

[Sirzy]

What role does she have? If it is a "big" one then you need to be perhaps for the school to decide to put someone else in that role for the two nights.

Would she be upset about missing out when the rest of her friends are doing it?

It's up to you though!

[EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin]

I don't think yabu in those circumstances. Moving house is hardly insignificant is it.

Speak to her teacher pronto

[watchoutforthatsnail]

She has one line.

I would of course say to the school in advance

I dont think she would mind she would bemore worried about the house move and unsettled about that

[3bunnies]

Having two evening performances sounds a bit OTT. Does she have a speaking part? It would be less U if she is third star twice removed than if she is Mary, also if she has a big role then she may find it reallocated to someone who will be there both times. As dd1 never had a big role I wouldn't have been too concerned, although at her age she would need to know why - i.e.. It would be rude not to spend time with the friends who are letting you stay.

[Sirzy]

Another option - could someone else go and watch that performance (grandparents maybe?) to give you a few more hours of box unpacking?

[watchoutforthatsnail]

Shes a host angel whatever that is. Along with most of the girls in her class.

Im a lone parent . So its me doing the move and all the running about. Plan is tomove and unpack all the kitchen that thur. Will be doing it all in my ( tiny) car .
Also then have to childmind a girl after school to help a friend out. Then cook dinner for my family where i am staying in between the moving dates. And then school want me to take dd for an evening performance.... i think its toouch for me, let alone dd.

[EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin]

I really wouldn't do it. You need to get your house sorted, especially as it's December, dark and freezing.

Unless another mum can take her and drop her off I would pull her out.

Good luck moving.

[Alibabaandthe40nappies]

I think you need to ask for some help!

Childminding other people's kids and doing the cooking when it is you that is moving seems daft.

[TheNebulousBoojum]

It shouldn't be a problem if you tell them straight away so that she doesn't have a key role.

[wisden]

No, don't do it. Your DD can do one of the evening performances which is great (the evening performances always seem to have somethingextra about them) so no need to feel bad that she can't make the second night.
Maybe reconsider helping your friend out? Seems to me you need people to help you out (school pick up/tea etc) during your move rather than the opposite way round.

Hope the move goes ok

[pigletmania]

YANBU speak to the teacher

[RustyBear]

YANBU not to take her, as long as you tell the school well in advance that she won't be there - though in fact most teachers are well used to sorting out understudies at short notice for nativity plays - there's always someone off with cough/cold/sickness bug on the night, especially at that time of year.

I think YAB a bit U though to be annoyed at two evening performances - there are lots of reasons why a school might decide to do it this way - there may be too many working parents to fit into the hall on one evening, they may have found in the past that afternoons aren't a good idea for all sorts of reasons - working parents complain or can't come, the caretaker can't be there to set out chairs, there are parking problems during the day but not in the evening, the Hall is in use for something that can't be disrupted, parents may have complained about children missing lessons in the past etc. It just shows once more that a school can never please all the parents, whatever they do...

And anyway, even if there had only been one performance in the evening, you would have no guarantee that it would be the evening you could manage!

[AThingInYourLife]

The only reason I wouldn't would be if I thought it would upset her.

You've a lot on, and it sounds like it will be very complicated to change those plans.

Good luck with the move :)

[bradywasmyfavouriteking]

Yanbu. Our school do 2 evening and 2 day performances so everyone can go.

Just tell them, its not a big deal.

[exoticfruits]

As a teacher the very first thing that I did was get them to take the dates home and they only got a main part if they were going to be there- otherwise it was a part that didn't matter.

[watchoutforthatsnail]

yeah, ill just tell them.

i have to still do the childminding, as its a share arrangment with a friend, i work, she has mine, she works, i have hers. its hardly fair to leave her in the shit.

the family are all helping in one way or another already. Some have helped doing tip runs, and clearing out my garage. The plan is to move and unpack the kitchen, bathroom, and then move all the small bits like clothes/ pictures etc onthe thur and fri. On the sat we have a van for the big bits and people will be helping dismantle beds ( two sodding bedsteads) unplumbing stuff... moving it, and then sorting it all out the other end.( fingers crossed they will have enough time because i will have done all the small bits the previous days.
So- i cant really ask any more help than they are already giving me.

Noone else can take her anyway as they all work till 6 and she needs to be there at 5:45.

i think theres just too much going on really to make it viable.

[VoiceofUnreason]

I don't think YABU in general. You have too much to do with the housemove. However, I think it unreasonable that you should be doing the cooking for the family at the same time as moving. I also think under the circumstances it would be sensible not to childmind - it's not about leaving your friend in the shit (what would happen if you were ill, etc - moving house is a big deal).

[EdithWeston]

In your shoes, I'd be trying to find a friendly parent of a classmate who might have DD after school, take her to the performance and drop her afterwards. I find that people can be very helpful when there's a big issue going on.

DD would probably like to perform (well, mine does), and it gives you a bit more uninterrupted time to sort the new place out.

But if that's just not possible, then I think it's perfectly reasonable to skip a performance.

[ipswichwitch]

I don't think that's unreasonable. You've got a lot on your plate already, and while I understand you can't leave your friend in the lurch maybe you could make life a bit easier by getting a takeaway for the family instead of cooking?
I would also maybe ask one of DDs friends mums if they could possibly take her.

[HeathRobinson]

Takeaway instead of cooking?

[HeathRobinson]

Ha, x-post.

[watchoutforthatsnail]

If i could afford a takeaway i would. But i have no money. Im already borrowing the deposit and first months rent. It wasnt a planned move. I got 2months notice as the landlord wants their property back