AIBU to not take 5month old to freezing house for weekend?(86 Posts)
We are suppose to be visiting my DH's Aunt and Uncle this weekend in Dorset and taking DD who has just turned 5 months. I get a phone call this evening from the Aunt saying their heating has conked out (since Sat) and they are waiting for the repairman to fix it who may or may not come to fix it on Saturday. They are in the deep countryside and I find their house cold at the best of times. She has warned us but said we can pile on warm clothes and go for walks to warm up! She has no children or her own so has no clue about babies. I don't feel comfortable taking DD there if it's going to be freezing, AIBU?
I grew up with only a woodstove in Minnesota where it gets to be -40 in the winter, so I think YAB a bit U. But if you really don't want to go, that's up to you.
Although my parents DID eventually get a furnace...after I was grown and out of the house.
You could ask if they have a portable oil heater to move around, for the lounge and the bedroom? I don't think it's very good for babies used to warmth to breathe very cold air but that is just my opinion. 5 months is very tiny as well. She is nice to warn you, so clearly thinking of your baby. Could you stay nearby in a wam hotel? I don't think I'd like to go for a cold walk to come back to a cold house either!
I think I would go, but wrap up very warm and check the weather reports before setting off for snow. Do you co-sleep?
Get a cheap fan heater and go.
I'd go. She was right to warn you, so that you can be prepared. Take lots of layers, and a fan heater as Whistling said.
YANBU, I definitely wouldn't go. My in-law's house is often freezing when we go for the weekend and it puts me in a bad mood for our whole stay. There is nothing worse than getting in to a freezing bed at night, and waking up with a freezing face because it is so cold. No need to subject your baby to that unnecessarily.
I don't think I'd do it or I'd stay nearby in a hotel or bring a fan heater. That's because I have been away and stayed in a very cold house when my DS was a little baby. It's the nights which are difficult. You don't want to wrap them up because of the SIDS risk and you may not want to co-sleep if the bed is not suitable. I ended up sitting up in bed all night with DS in my arms and my own shoulders and head extremely cold!!
If you don't go you should be straight up as to why. Before I had DC I would never have understood why they can't just be wrapped up in lots of layers.
I'm sure you'd all be fine, maybe it could even be an adventure, but it would be a little bleak.
As for comparing it to no food. Personally I'd rather starve all weekend in the warm.
You are your babies champion. If you don't feel it's right for your child then don't do it, regardless of what other people choose for their children.
Besides, if she doesn't settle then you'll be up all night in the freezing cold, which'll be a bit miserable for you too.
You are responsible for your babies health. If you don't think the environment is suitable then don't go. I would invite them to your house or do a day visit.
FWIW we had no heat for a week after hurricane sandy as our power was out. DD was fighting a cold she had picked up on the previous Friday and she was over the worst of it by Sunday. Our power went out Monday 8pm and by Wednesday 4pm we were in the ER as her doctor was concerned she had developed pneumonia. She turned out to be fine but she had a serious ear infection as a result of her cold (and a temp of 105F). DD is 16 months old and I was shocked that her health could deteriorate so quickly.
MILs house was always cold. She didn't get central heating until 3 or 4 years ago. Until then the only heating was a gas fire in the living room. DD was fine from birth - warm clothes, hats and snuggled up in blankets.
We all suffer more now there is heating - all 3 of us get blocked noses and dry coughs whenever we stay.
It's a weekend, you'll be fine.
I would buy a heater and go.
They arent that expensive and work very well.
I had my pfb in a very cold flat with no heating for the first year of his life. Heaters are great, you can easily sell it on gum tree afterwards. And you dont need it on at night. Put her in bed with you, she'll be toasty.
Although I'm sure she'll be fine I think it will be miserable. i'm in Doset and there's a hard frost out there at the moment and it's -4 . I just looked out the window as was struck how light it seemed and thought or a moment it had snowed , but it was just the frost . I'd do the staying close by unless she has a fair few portable heaters on the go.
If you ar used to heating it is a bit of a shock to the system without, ours broke down and had to be repaired in the middle of a cold winter and it was pretty miserable. We did an emergency heater run for friends whose heating broke own yesterday. They usually say no to offers like that as they hate putting people out but jumped at it this time so must have been cold and they are pretty hardy and don't have it on much anyway.
That sounds horrible. I would reschedule, very tactfully.
YANBU, I probably wouldn't go. I hate being cold! Your baby would almost certainly be fine, but you might be worried/stressed and that could spoil things. If they're not used to not having central heating then it may be very cold. Do they have electric heaters or an open fire?
YANBU at all. The baby is 5 months not 5 years, their immunity and temperature control not fully developed yet. I wouldn't, a lot of vulnerable people are affected by hypothermia due to lack of heating
"Life expectancy was lower not because of lack of central heating - but because of lack of modern medicine and no NHS."
Warm housing was a factor too.
Why do you imagine fuel poverty is a problem?
Hint: it's because being cold for extended periods is bad for your health.
"Yes it's a shame no one has babies in Russia or Mongolia isn't it?"
What can that possibly have to do with whether a woman in England should bring a baby to an unheated house in winter?
Do you think the tribes in Mongolia don't heat their yurts?
People who live in cold climates spend a lot of time making sure they are warm.
Oh, and PS I said it would be like going where you knew there wasn't enough food, ie where you knew that basic needs like food and heat would not be adequately met.
A baby can't tell you they are cold, they can't move around to warm up, they can't lie on the floor and kick their legs and roll over if they are wrapped up like a Michelin man, which is about their only fun at that age.
What is the point of all that for a completely unnecessary trip?
I'm the parent who is always getting remarks about not keeping my baby warm enough, and I would stay home. I don't get how it can possibly be unreasonable to want to keep your baby warm.
"DD was considered to be at risk of SIDS so we stick like glue to the recommended room temp range of 16 - 20 with an optimal temp of 18."
Keeping a house that warm frequently requires additional heating at the moment
You are telling the OP she is U to take her baby where she will likely have to sleep in colder temperatures than you deem apprproprite for your baby.
It's much more dangerous for a baby to be too hot than too cold. But in any case there's no need for her to be cold, you can easily wrap her up.
I would go, take a fan heater with me and tell the aunt and uncle that I intended to do so.
Is your DD still feeding at night? If so I would definitely not go. DH and I went to stay with DH's aunt when DS was about 4 months and her DH (who is an alcoholic and has zero sense) turned off the heating before going to bed despite being told multiple times not to. DS woke up at about 2 looking for a feed and the house was like a fridge. I ended up having to get my suitcase and get fully dressed before I could bear getting out of bed to feed him, and even then I was shivering. It was one of the most miserable nights of my life, especially as DS would not settle. His little hands were like ice. I ended up just getting up at about 4:30 because I was so pissed off at trying to get us both warm enough to go back to sleep.
That was in a house where the heating had been on all evening and then turned off. I can't imagine how cold the house would have been if there'd been no heating at all.
Why should the baby spend the entire weekend wrapped up?
She also won't be cold if her parents don't take her on a visit to a house with broken heating.
Going on a visit is a choice. You don't have to go.
People are advising that a baby should have cold inflicted on them and spend an entire weekend trussed up like a turkey (which they hate at that age) for what exactly?
Why would anyone choose this sort of discomfort for themselves, let alone a baby? Just go another weekend and save yourself the worry / stress / blue fingers. If you went, it would be grim.
Agree with youAThingInYourLife
Op do not go, the temps are meant to drop this weekend. It is already freezing here and it's going to get worse. In freezing weather we often wake up to ice inside our windows and we have heating and a wood burner, as soon as that kicks in we can get warm. But you won't get warm, you'll spend all weekend freezing. And so will your baby.
If your DD is anything like my DS she won't sleep whilst you're there because of the cold. When we went on holiday and to stay with friends who's houses were significantly colder than ours his sleep really suffered (his room his normally 20/21 degrees, our house is naturally on the warm side, not because we have the heating on 24/7, there the rooms were 16). It is what they are used to. And because they don't move around much in their sleep they cannot heat themselves up, or tuck themselves in snugly. I don't think it will do her any harm necessarily, but it seems odd to put yourself in this position if its avoidable.
Some of us were dragged up in the days before central heating, we are fine. Just use plenty of layers.
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