Mumsnet Talk

I am so glad she is not coming to you for Christmas! Now you'll have a chance for a nice, fun time.

Don't you dare feel guilty for not playing host to a scary, pushy, unpleasant drunk with a foul-mouthed three year old and a smelly incontinent dog in tow; whose only claim on you is that she gave birth to your OH (but didn't actually parent him). No matter how hard a year she has had (indeed, no matter how hard a life she has had), she is not your responsibility. It is her choice to make herself unwelcome.

Well, wrt your initial question yanbu. I'm a dog person, I have one, I like them, but I wouldn't tolerate an untrained animal in my house. I don't understand people who won't leave their animals (short term) or consider other options for longer visits. My dog does not monopolise my life however hard he tries

But it sounds like you've come to a satisfactory resolution. They sound a nightmare!

Loving the St Andrew's Day smilies btw!

Oh, unless you count the odd one calling people "Mr Poo-poo head" which they then all pick up and giggle endlessly (=nursery+older siblings effect?)

Wow - just catching up and sounds like a good result. DS is almost 4 and foulmouthed is certainly not normal for him or his peer group!

In truth I think your baby will enjoy opening presents more with you, with no risingh 4 year old wanting to grab everything.

People need to be aware that just because they have a dog they love does not mean they have a right to expect everyone else to just absorb a dog into their home for several days. It isn't as if this is an elderly woman living alone who has the dog as her companion and can't be separated. She has chosen to have a dog, and a smelly incontinent dog at that, she has to take responsibility. No way would I have the dog in the house.

I think you have had a lucky escape.

She's nearly four 5foot5, but I see what you mean. It's not her fault at all, she's not used to being disciplined, and is very forward for her age. She's just acting the way she's been allowed/taught to.

even though he thinks her DD is foulmouthed and spoiled

At 3!!??? Golly

Your DS will have a great time without a stinky dog weeing all over his toys and it being the christmas your second cat was driven away.

Your MIL has options, she's decided her dog is more important than her DS. Don't worry about something that crap a parent not being part of your DS's life, can you imagine when he's an adult you'd put a pet above him and your grandchild? No? then why would you think this is someone you have to worry about?

He does! His mum and dad. He doesn't need anyone else.

Wohoo Sounds like you'll have a good Christmas afterall! Don't give it another thought.

The humbug wasn't aimed at him btw, just the whole situation is a bit humbug. Was quite looking forward to DS having someone to open presents with

I don't blame your OH for having had enough, TBH. And I agree in the event of difficult relationship with a parent, it should be the 'child' who makes the decision, not the spouse of the child IYSWIM. I see why you want to be nice about it though, you are very charitable.

Such a shame your OH doesn't get a nicer relationship with his little sister though

I don't think you should feel guilty for something you have no real control over.

This is your OH's gig. He's made a decision he seems to be happy with so leave him to it and enjoy your poop-free Christmas!

She doesn't sound nice and she doesn't sound like she takes proper care of her dog

I actually don't think I'd want her there whether the dog was with her or not.

Yanbu.you've been more than hospitable in the past and you've paid dearly for it. She's had ample opportunity to find someone to look after the dog OR housetrain it. Why does she think you want a leaky dog in your house?!

She's 42, she had OH at 17, hence being raised by his nana. Her DD is 3 (half-sibling to my OH), though she'd just turned 2 when we had her to stay. It was difficult with my son being much younger.

We've decided to go to her for New Years and have decided against having her for Christmas, she's very put out by this, and has told us we've pretty much ensured they have a terrible Christmas because she'd assumed she'd be coming here as discussed previously this year, (only she seems to have forgotten the part where we said 'as long as you can find someone to take the dog') and she hasn't prepared for anything, and hasn't got enough money to have her own Christmas.

OH couldn't give a flying shit, he's had enough. I feel really bad but there were to be no compromises with her. He'd accepted her coming for Christmas, even though he thinks her DD is foulmouthed and spoiled.

What a humbug.

yep, say not to the dog and let her choose if she want sot put him in kennels or with friend and be with you.

Oh I see I misread it, I thought the MIL left OP's DD, ie her granddaughter. <easily confused>

Fuzzpig but I think this is her own child that she is not bothering to look after. Your parents are rubbish babysitters. This MIL expects the OP to be the babysitter.

Op - if she has a child then if you don't invite her she'll presumably be spending Xmas with her child and her beloved dog. Ie her family. She won't be alone? Sounds reasonable to me.

My parents do similar WRT leaving the DCs to their own devices... Mum was looking after 3yo while I was visiting DH in hospital, got home and she had been in the same room as him and not thought to stop him drawing all over the wall. As if that day wasn't stressful enough FFS.

She 'leaves her DD to her own devices' while she has unannounced naps? How old is she, and the DD?

To be honest I don't see why you should invite her at all, dog or no dog. She doesn't seem terribly pleasant and your DH doesn't seem to care for her much anyway (understandably) then I see no obligation there. It's not as if she would be on her own if she didn't come.

It wouldn't be coming to my house at all.

Being that it is the season of goodwill, couldn't you stipulate that the dog stays outside at all times. There must be some kind of shelter that it can use, or perhaps buy the dog a kennel.

At the end of the day it is a dog, an animal, and provided that it gets some food and fresh water, it isn't going to suffer by being kept in the garden.

Tbh she sounds like she'd be a nightmare guest, and she'd leave your OH tense and unhappy over Xmas.

I'm not sure that you should be going out of your way to make her visit possible. You may feel sorry for her, but I feel more sorry for your OH.

Forget the dog for a moment. Think about how Xmas will be with and without her.

Does your DH want her to come for Christmas at all, even without the dog? I wouldn't if I were him.