to not invite MIL to Christmas because of her dog?

(73 Posts)
Theicingontop Thu 29-Nov-12 09:29:31

She has nobody to look after her as she's moved to a new area in London, all her friends (possible dogsitters) live too far away for it to be convenient, apparently. I feel I'm being unreasonable but I don't really know what else to do.

When we lived at our old house she'd come to stay for a few months because she was homeless, and brought her dog with her. We didn't think it would be a problem, even though we had a tiny house and no garden confused, regardless we had no choice because, well, she was homeless. Anyway the whole time she was with us the dog peed all over our house, on our son's baby toys, on all of our rugs... And our cat ran away, and never returned (I think he found a new family, because I saw him a few months later looking rather fat and happy sad). Pretty disastrous.

I am so glad she is not coming to you for Christmas! Now you'll have a chance for a nice, fun time.

Don't you dare feel guilty for not playing host to a scary, pushy, unpleasant drunk with a foul-mouthed three year old and a smelly incontinent dog in tow; whose only claim on you is that she gave birth to your OH (but didn't actually parent him). No matter how hard a year she has had (indeed, no matter how hard a life she has had), she is not your responsibility. It is her choice to make herself unwelcome.

degutastic Fri 30-Nov-12 17:41:11

Well, wrt your initial question yanbu. I'm a dog person, I have one, I like them, but I wouldn't tolerate an untrained animal in my house. I don't understand people who won't leave their animals (short term) or consider other options for longer visits. My dog does not monopolise my life wink however hard he tries

But it sounds like you've come to a satisfactory resolution. They sound a nightmare!

Loving the St Andrew's Day smilies btw!

IsItMeOr Fri 30-Nov-12 17:23:18

Oh, unless you count the odd one calling people "Mr Poo-poo head" which they then all pick up and giggle endlessly (=nursery+older siblings effect?) blush

IsItMeOr Fri 30-Nov-12 17:22:08

Wow - just catching up and sounds like a good result. DS is almost 4 and foulmouthed is certainly not normal for him or his peer group!

Blu Fri 30-Nov-12 17:21:12

In truth I think your baby will enjoy opening presents more with you, with no risingh 4 year old wanting to grab everything.

People need to be aware that just because they have a dog they love does not mean they have a right to expect everyone else to just absorb a dog into their home for several days. It isn't as if this is an elderly woman living alone who has the dog as her companion and can't be separated. She has chosen to have a dog, and a smelly incontinent dog at that, she has to take responsibility. No way would I have the dog in the house.

I think you have had a lucky escape.

Theicingontop Fri 30-Nov-12 17:13:54

She's nearly four 5foot5, but I see what you mean. It's not her fault at all, she's not used to being disciplined, and is very forward for her age. She's just acting the way she's been allowed/taught to.

5Foot5 Fri 30-Nov-12 16:51:42

even though he thinks her DD is foulmouthed and spoiled

At 3!!??? Golly

DontmindifIdo Fri 30-Nov-12 16:44:25

Your DS will have a great time without a stinky dog weeing all over his toys and it being the christmas your second cat was driven away.

Your MIL has options, she's decided her dog is more important than her DS. Don't worry about something that crap a parent not being part of your DS's life, can you imagine when he's an adult you'd put a pet above him and your grandchild? No? then why would you think this is someone you have to worry about?

waltermittymistletoe Fri 30-Nov-12 16:33:15

He does! His mum and dad. He doesn't need anyone else. smile

Kalisi Fri 30-Nov-12 16:27:03

Wohoo grin Sounds like you'll have a good Christmas afterall! Don't give it another thought.

Theicingontop Fri 30-Nov-12 16:25:42

The humbug wasn't aimed at him btw, just the whole situation is a bit humbug. Was quite looking forward to DS having someone to open presents with sad

fuzzpig Fri 30-Nov-12 16:15:41

I don't blame your OH for having had enough, TBH. And I agree in the event of difficult relationship with a parent, it should be the 'child' who makes the decision, not the spouse of the child IYSWIM. I see why you want to be nice about it though, you are very charitable.

Such a shame your OH doesn't get a nicer relationship with his little sister though sad

waltermittymistletoe Fri 30-Nov-12 15:12:18

I don't think you should feel guilty for something you have no real control over.

This is your OH's gig. He's made a decision he seems to be happy with so leave him to it and enjoy your poop-free Christmas! grin

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Fri 30-Nov-12 15:11:33

She doesn't sound nice and she doesn't sound like she takes proper care of her dog sad

I actually don't think I'd want her there whether the dog was with her or not.

fallingsun Fri 30-Nov-12 15:04:09

Yanbu.you've been more than hospitable in the past and you've paid dearly for it. She's had ample opportunity to find someone to look after the dog OR housetrain it. Why does she think you want a leaky dog in your house?!

Theicingontop Fri 30-Nov-12 14:57:35

She's 42, she had OH at 17, hence being raised by his nana. Her DD is 3 (half-sibling to my OH), though she'd just turned 2 when we had her to stay. It was difficult with my son being much younger.

We've decided to go to her for New Years and have decided against having her for Christmas, she's very put out by this, and has told us we've pretty much ensured they have a terrible Christmas because she'd assumed she'd be coming here as discussed previously this year, (only she seems to have forgotten the part where we said 'as long as you can find someone to take the dog') and she hasn't prepared for anything, and hasn't got enough money to have her own Christmas.

OH couldn't give a flying shit, he's had enough. I feel really bad but there were to be no compromises with her. He'd accepted her coming for Christmas, even though he thinks her DD is foulmouthed and spoiled.

What a humbug.

Rudolphstolemycarrots Fri 30-Nov-12 12:30:22

yep, say not to the dog and let her choose if she want sot put him in kennels or with friend and be with you.

fuzzpig Fri 30-Nov-12 11:40:18

Oh I see I misread it, I thought the MIL left OP's DD, ie her granddaughter. <easily confused>

MummytoKatie Fri 30-Nov-12 11:23:08

Fuzzpig but I think this is her own child that she is not bothering to look after. Your parents are rubbish babysitters. This MIL expects the OP to be the babysitter.

Op - if she has a child then if you don't invite her she'll presumably be spending Xmas with her child and her beloved dog. Ie her family. She won't be alone? Sounds reasonable to me.

fuzzpig Fri 30-Nov-12 08:45:20

My parents do similar WRT leaving the DCs to their own devices... Mum was looking after 3yo while I was visiting DH in hospital, got home and she had been in the same room as him and not thought to stop him drawing all over the wall. As if that day wasn't stressful enough FFS.

FellatioNelson Fri 30-Nov-12 04:23:17

She 'leaves her DD to her own devices' while she has unannounced naps? confused How old is she, and the DD?

To be honest I don't see why you should invite her at all, dog or no dog. She doesn't seem terribly pleasant and your DH doesn't seem to care for her much anyway (understandably) then I see no obligation there. It's not as if she would be on her own if she didn't come.

ENormaSnob Fri 30-Nov-12 04:05:46

It wouldn't be coming to my house at all.

Coralanne Fri 30-Nov-12 03:48:23

Being that it is the season of goodwill, couldn't you stipulate that the dog stays outside at all times. There must be some kind of shelter that it can use, or perhaps buy the dog a kennel.

At the end of the day it is a dog, an animal, and provided that it gets some food and fresh water, it isn't going to suffer by being kept in the garden.

MmeLindor Fri 30-Nov-12 03:40:40

Tbh she sounds like she'd be a nightmare guest, and she'd leave your OH tense and unhappy over Xmas.

I'm not sure that you should be going out of your way to make her visit possible. You may feel sorry for her, but I feel more sorry for your OH.

Forget the dog for a moment. Think about how Xmas will be with and without her.

HollaAtMeBaby Fri 30-Nov-12 03:18:01

Does your DH want her to come for Christmas at all, even without the dog? I wouldn't if I were him.

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