WIBU or a (future) "tiger mum"? Long, petty...

(43 Posts)
Dannilion Mon 26-Nov-12 19:32:46

Sorry in advance because this may be long, it probably is petty but I'm so good at avoiding drama that when it happens it knocks me for six!

I'm 22 weeks pregnant with PFB. This weekend DP invited a group of his friends and their DP's over for what was explained to me as a housewarming/takeaway/few drinks social gathering. One friend has a wife in this group who is well...Difficult. She generally doesn't come to social gatherings, because she always ends up becoming verbally aggressive and having to leave early. She has plenty of her own friends so she isn't isolated or anything. Nevertheless her DP is part of a longstanding friendship group so she is tolerated on the rare occasions she joins them.

Anyways, upon hearing that people were coming to ours this weekend she called the girlfriends (bar myself and one other) of the group and said that they and their DP's should come out to dinner with her instead. They all declined. This got my back up a bit, as I don't really enjoy a game of 'divide and conquer'. It didn't occur to me for 2 seconds that she would be coming, as she has recently been verbally aggressive to my DP and I don't really have anything to do with her. Nevertheless she turned up.

She didn't even say hello to me. I did try to talk to her but I just got a sarcastic smile. She sat at my dining table with an abundance of alcohol that she'd brought round, loudly beckoning people over until everyone was sat at my dining table and it was just myself and another girl the other side of the room. She then got out some snack types and said "we can't be bothered to get food, let's just have this", then initiated drinking games. Inviting everyone to play apart from preggo me, of course. So, bored out of my mind I go to my room with my dog and cry because I'm hormonal and having a crappy time. She falls through my bedroom door (which is closed), I ask calmly if I can just be left alone to gather my thoughts. She then storms out shouting down the stairs, "we need to leave, now! She doesn't want me here!"..And left, after making me look like a terrible person. Some of the group come up and tell me not to worry, that they saw what she was doing and that I should come downstairs and get some food etc. Some don't. I hear her DP say to mine "Don't worry, pregnant women are just crazy sometimes".

So, the next day. Her DP calls mine and demands an apology from me for bullying this girl and ruining the night. She texts me saying she is really upset. I just text her back saying I can't be bothered with these games and I don't want this destructive behaviour in my life.

The whole group seems to be at loggerheads with this drama and she is painting me as this kind of super villain. As far as I'm concerned it was over and done once I had said I wanted nothing to do with it, but now the girlfriends of the group are coming out one by one saying she has told them all the nasty things I've said about them etc. I haven't said or done anything, I don't even know these people really. But I'm really just starting to doubt whether I was right to stand up for myself (eventually) or I should just apologise for a quiet life? I suffer with anxiety anyways and have been shaking for the last few hours. I could just do with the peace and quiet, and i feel so bad for DP as he is stuck in the middle.

Dannilion Mon 26-Nov-12 20:33:23

DP didn't say anything at the pregnant woman comment. He says it just felt really awkward and he didn't want it to erupt into a full blown fight just as they were walking out the door. He didn't think his friend had any malice behind what he was saying, more just ignorance as to what was really going on. Which is understandable I guess.

His mate has been told what really happened but refuses to listen, as "evilwife has already told me what happened, why would I not believe my wife??".

I wouldn't want to admit the truth if I were him either, she's terrifying.

akaemmafrost Mon 26-Nov-12 20:33:33

I don't get your thread title. confused

TheCountessOlenska Mon 26-Nov-12 20:38:42

YANBU.

The crying thing is excusable when pregnant (I have been horrendously tearful and stroppy this pregnancy blush )

You were very accommodating to let this big gathering happen at your house when you clearly weren't feeling up to it.

Are you all in your twenties? Your social life sounds exhausting!

Dannilion Mon 26-Nov-12 20:44:47

Haha, ironically I'm the only one still in my 20's. My social life generally consists of dog walking and 'study dates' as I desperately finish my Msc before PFB comes along!

And Emma, I've already apologised for my incorrect grasp of what a 'tiger mum' is. I don't even own a keyboard, let alone a piano and I just liked the way it sounded blush

JaneFonda Mon 26-Nov-12 20:52:55

"I don't even own a keyboard, let alone a piano and I just liked the way it sounded"

Ha this made me spit out my tea! grin

YANBU at all, she sounds completely crazy and rude - poor you for having to got through that. Your poor DP as well for trying to stay friends with a man who obviously has his head buried in the sand.

You sound really sensible and, well, normal! Just don't get involved in any silliness - they sound very immature and you've got more important things to look forward to!

The best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy. smile

whois Mon 26-Nov-12 20:53:32

YANBU at all, a little dramatic for crying dying the party but I'm sure we've all had times when emotions have overcome us at inappropriate times.

Your DP sounds like he said the right thing on the phone, good on him!

The male friend is clearly blind.
The nasty woman is clearly toxic.
The other girls in the group, well, take them or leave them I guess? Just interested in a bit of goss by the sounds of things.

I would send one text to the people in the group saying "I was alone in my room when x burst in. I asked her to give me some time to myself as I was feeling a bit sad about not being able to join in the partying as pregnant. She then hurled a load of abuse at me to which I didn't retaliate and stormed out. I'm not being drawn into any more discussion over this. Hopefully we can move on an be civil toward one another of we meet up again."

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin Mon 26-Nov-12 21:01:53

Emma confused you mean me?

I wasn't having a go about the piano! I was just giving you an example of a tiger mother. Honest.

Dannilion Mon 26-Nov-12 21:04:25

Oh no, I mean the akaemmafrost that said my thread title confused her smile

AutumnGlory Mon 26-Nov-12 21:04:34

TBH I get why you went to your bedroom to cry but I don't know understand why you felt alone...in your place I would be totally relieved that she retreated herself to one side of the room and managed to get all the other idiots on her side and would spend time with my partner or the one friend you said you get on well with. If it is the kind of socialising where men go to one side and women to another I would not let this happen in my house, pregnant or not, knowing that this woman could be present. Anyway, sounds like there were lots of drinking going on and again, when I was pregnant, it was all about ME, and this kind of gathering would never happen in my presence, I wouldn't let it haPpen.

EverlongLovesHerChristmasRobin Mon 26-Nov-12 21:11:17

Oh that's good smile

LemonBreeland Mon 26-Nov-12 21:15:33

That woman would never be allowed in my house again. End of. It seems your DP agrees, so that is good.

Is she jealous because you are younger and prettier than her? grin

Does she get on with everyone else or does she fall out with them too?

Dannilion Mon 26-Nov-12 21:16:15

Autumn, I guess it was because I was under the impression people were coming round for a meal as well as drinks. You know, a civilized, adult evening..And as I hadn't seen any of them since I fell PG I was kind of expecting to be the centre of attention for at least 10 minutes. Not have everyone drunkenly shouting my house down with their backs to me. I don't really do gender segregation either, but this was, IMO, a tyrannical creation of 'in crowd' and 'out crowd'. I get that using the term 'tyrannical' is a bit OTT, but that's how I felt.

AutumnGlory Mon 26-Nov-12 21:33:04

Well than you should have a talk with your partner because I'm shocked he let this happen or even planned this and misled you into thinking it was a civilised gathering/meal. You didn't help organising food, drinks?? Make sure you tell him how you felt and IF you will allow this happen in the future because from my POV once you have a child this shouldn't happen in the household anymore. Believe me, I grew up with a house full of drunk people during weekends and it is not nice.

She's a fuckwit, they're all being gits. Don't apologise, if she's that toxic everyone will probably be doubting everything she says anyway. You can cry - I would have too, but then I cried for 20 minutes over not getting a hotdog when pg grin blush.

What Autumn said too, that would be the big issue from that night for me I think...

gimmecakeandcandy Mon 26-Nov-12 23:11:47

She is a cunt and I'm glad your dp told his twat mate that she is not welcome again. If the others believe that cunt over you after knowing what she is like they are fools. Just make sure you tell them all she is telling lies and it's up to them then what to believe and never see her or allow her anywhere near you again.

plutocrap Mon 26-Nov-12 23:16:13

They should all be ashamed of themselves.

maxmillie Mon 26-Nov-12 23:17:55

Danillon - ignore her. Soon you are going to have much bigger, more interesting and more important things to worry about than this silly madam. And then it will start again at the school gates so toughen up a bit in preparation for another lot of silly biatches

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