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to be upset with Nursery for letting my 18 month old play out in this weather when she's been in hospital 3 times this year with pneumonia and breathing difficulties

(68 Posts)
designergirl Thu 22-Nov-12 16:23:24

I just went to pick my daughter up, it's really windy, cold and starting to rain and she was playing outside as were all the other children her age. She has been in hospital 3 times this year with pneumonia and breathing difficulties, in February,July and September. I wouldn't let her play out in this weather at home and I was so upset with the staff that I shouted at them. I wrote in her book that she has a hat, mittens and scarf but she didn't have any of them on, and I saw her fall over. I think the wind blew her over but she might have just fallen over.Am I being unreasonable?
I know OFSTED require them to play outside and generally I don't mind her playing out. I just think it's a bit lacking in common sense to let her play out in this awful weather. The wind is so strong it's just blown an empty hanging basket all the way down our street.

WorraLiberty Thu 22-Nov-12 17:42:01

Sunset no-one has flamed the OP.

hauntedhouse Thu 22-Nov-12 17:38:09

YANBU. I grew up on continent and used to play outside all day in minus 15, but if I so much as took my hat off for a second, I got a stern telling off from the nearest adult.

I'm all for playing in all weathers and I'm happiest when I pick my son from nursery all muddy and mucky, but hats and mittens are a must when it's so cold. Yes, viruses and bacteria cause diseases, but we're far more susceptible when we're cold.

I would apologize for overreacting but firmly ask that she's properly dressed when out.

SunsetMojito Thu 22-Nov-12 17:31:35

I feel for you designergirl. I expect having seen your daughter so poorly in hospital three times has been utterly horrendous for you and her.

I am not surprised that you feel protective and want to do anything to avoid it happening to her again. I think its entirely understandable to feel and react the way you did.

I expect the shouting was an gut reaction. Most who have been in your shoes would do the same. Its nothing that a 'sorry for shouting' tomorrow won't fix. I expect they will forgive you and find it entirely understandable as something in the heat of the moment. Now you have the opportunity to chat through again what you would like her to do and not do.

I expect you know better than anyone that pneumonia is a bacterial/viral infection. I expect you also know better than anyone on her what is going to make your dd more prone to it.

I hope you and your dd are OK. I really don't think you deserve a flaming like this!!

Mumsyblouse Thu 22-Nov-12 17:19:26

I do agree to ask the GP or the respiratory nurse though, it may put your mind at rest, so she can play out with everyone else (unless the weather is extreme and I do agree today it was very windy for a child quite unsteady on their feet).

Mumsyblouse Thu 22-Nov-12 17:18:07

The final difference between here and my husband's country is that they know how dangerous the proper cold is so they all heat their houses (or just the bit they live in) very high, it's always roasting, either with a real fire or triple glazing, so you get warm very quickly. I am always amazed how many people here boast how cold their houses is and how they hardly use heating, although in the UK this isn't likely to be fatal for healthy adults (it tends to be the elderly who are already ill or very immobile who needlessly die through the cold in this country).

Jux Thu 22-Nov-12 17:17:33

What do the medical professionals say about her playing outside? At least ask your gp, before you make a decision.

Mumsyblouse Thu 22-Nov-12 17:05:28

I don't think you are reasonable to have to got cross with them, not least because you didn't explicitly tell them to keep her in if it was bad weather.

However, I don't think comparing other children's experiences really helps sometimes. My husband's country is very cold and snowy in the winter, and children do play outside, however, they would never ever go out without a waterproof coat/leggings/hat/gloves, all kitted out etc. Children there are bundled up like you wouldn't believe. Secondly, it's very sunny in winter, so children tend to go out in the day in the sunshine and play in the snow, but as soon as the sun goes in, or their mittens get wet or they get cold, they would come in again. So, they wouldn't go out in gale force weather, as it is today.

Finally, yes, a cold or pneumonia isn't caused (as in directly) by cold weather, but there is some research that shows that putting the body under stress (psychological or physical) makes people more vulnerable to infection. So, extremes of anything, whilst not wrapped up properly, having had three bouts of hospitalization doesn't sound that great to me.

But, clearly you shouldn't have shouted, that's your emotionality over your dd's illness coming out and you need to apologise tomorrow.

3b1g Thu 22-Nov-12 17:03:46

When is your next respiratory clinic appt? I would ask for their advice. If the doctor feels that cold air might make her breathing worse then ask for a letter for nursery. If your next appt isn't for ages then it would be reasonable to phone GP for advice.

MaryPoppinsBag Thu 22-Nov-12 17:03:19

YABU
It isn't even that cold where I am 12 degrees!

Kids love the wind. If i was child minding today I'd have taken them out with scarves a ribbons to watch them blow.

Sirzy Thu 22-Nov-12 17:02:06

My point was that even when children are ill fresh air is a good thing, of course it isn't always possible but that doesn't mean it's a bad thing.

designergirl Thu 22-Nov-12 17:00:42

My daughter wasn't well enough to play outside at the hospital, she was attached to an iv for antibiotics and she nearly went into the HDU. They were struggling to keep her alive not enjoying outdoor play

Sirzy Thu 22-Nov-12 16:59:21

Robin - I have been in that position and i still think the OP is over reacting

designergirl Thu 22-Nov-12 16:58:30

Well that is what I'm not sure about, is it better for her to play out or be inside. My priority at the moment is keeping her out of hospital, she missed out on everything when she was in hospital for a week and struggling to breathe in February and in September also.

RobinSparkles Thu 22-Nov-12 16:57:25

I'm sure others would be similar in your position, OP. It must have been awful to see her so poorly sad

Sirzy Thu 22-Nov-12 16:56:58

Keeping her inside won't keep her out of hospital. Fresh air is vital, and does them good. Actually at the local hospital here they have an outdoor play area and encourage children to go and get fresh air

ChippingInLovesAutumn Thu 22-Nov-12 16:56:28

I haven't been so precious with her 3 older sisters

In the nicest possible way, maybe it's time to realise that although she will always be 'your baby' she isn't 'a' baby. Perhaphs have a look at how she is treat at home too - they 'baby' of the family needs to be allowed to grow up to and not forever be mollycoddled or favoured.

Scholes34 Thu 22-Nov-12 16:55:28

The nursery my children went to was child led. Whatever the weather, if a child wanted to play outside, they were allowed to, and a member of staff obviously had to be with them. I think the staff feel the cold more than the children. YABU in your attitude.

BeerTricksPott3r Thu 22-Nov-12 16:55:00

I know how you feel about the hospital admissions, designergirl. Have been in that position and its dreadful.
However, I always made a point of telling the nursery what I expected them to do to help me manage DS's asthma and when he was really bad I kept him off, as it was my call to monitor how he was and no one elses.

Sirzy Thu 22-Nov-12 16:55:00

I agree with Beer simply writing "she has been In hopsital etc" doesn't really tell them much.

As I mentioned earlier DS has asthma, he is just turned 3 and has had around 20 hopsital admissions so it is very much an ongoing problem.

The nursery know about his problems, how to treat him and when to encourage him (and a group of his friends normally) to sit down with a story.

They also ensure that he isn't deemed any different from his peers. If they play out he plays out.

Why would a parent want to make their child seem different and miss out when they don't need to?

3b1g Thu 22-Nov-12 16:54:08

If she has asthma that is exacerbated by the cold air, then I think you should have written a letter to school to explain and provide a plan eg inhaler/spacer close at hand when she's out in the cold.
Otherwise, I agree with previous comments that she's better off outdoors than cooped up inside in a centrally heated room sharing everyone's germs.

Wearsuncream Thu 22-Nov-12 16:51:50

I would be irked about this too op.

Princessishavingababyboo Thu 22-Nov-12 16:51:26

Yabvu, you have acknowledged that you shouldn't have shouted at the staff, fair enough, but to expect dd so stay in when the others are out, are you going to explain to an upset child she cannot play with her friends, or are you going to pay for the extra staff to supervise your child while the others are outside? And what about free flow time when children actually let to choose what they want to do? Are you going to tell your dd that even just because all the others get to choose to go outside that is not happening for her. She may get poorly again, she may not, but while she is well, let her be like all of her friends, happy and care free!

designergirl Thu 22-Nov-12 16:50:24

I haven't been so precious with her 3 older sisters but I just don't want her to go back to hospital again.

ChippingInLovesAutumn Thu 22-Nov-12 16:49:24

It's HELL windy here, I felt 'blown about' and trust me, I am solid enough not to feel it normally grin The two kids I took to the park this afternoon are 18 months and 4 years. The wind whipped around, the leaves were swirling - we all had a fab time. 3 sets of very rosy cheeks! They had warm coats and hats on - no gloves because I think it's too dangerous at the park (slippery for climbing etc). The eldest has been in hospital 4 times this year with various breathing problems. He is much more likely to get another dose of pheumonia etc from a child in his class than he is being out in the fresh air. The youngest spent half his time there falling over, rolling around in the leaves and generally getting muddy. Nothing a change of clothes when we got back didn't fix.

Make sure she has a toasty warm coat and a hat and she will be just fine!

BeerTricksPott3r Thu 22-Nov-12 16:48:39

Writing in the book that she has been in hospital isn't helpful unless you give a course of action you would like them to take.

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