to kind of miss being young and "cool" and a bit of a party girl?(28 Posts)
i am 33 tomorrow and i am a bit sad about it.....6 years ago i was the lead singer in a rock band, i was young, pretty and cool. i was out all the time and was not short of male attention....always at the hottest gigs and parties and hanging around with other musicians. i was a single mum to my (then) baby DS, who was even part of it (he would sometimes come to gigs with ear protectors and all my friends loved him and made a big fuss of him). I remember clearly all the fun and drama and craziness cos it all started around this time 6 years ago...
i was part of a, sort of, music "scene" (i guess) that was around in my town at the time. it was pretty shallow but everyone knew who we were and wanted to be in our crowd. we could get backstage passes and free drinks and get in clubs for nothing etc. god we thought we were so cool .... in the last few years, everyone has split off from it now and doing their own thing, one or two have "made it" in the music industry but mostly the people from that crowd (like me) have families now, got married, etc.
i wouldn't want to be doing it now but part of me still hankers after it, and feels nostalgic for those days. yet a lot of the time i was quite lonely really, as i said, it was quite a shallow kind of environment and deep down, really i just wanted to settle down and find a nice man and have more dcs. which i have now done. (actually I met DH cos he inveigled his way into my my band as a drummer after finding us on myspace and falling in love with me at first sight.... thats another story....)
but i am mostly just a sensible mum now really,
apart from the pole dancing people look shocked and surprised when they hear about my old persona as a rock singer. i was listening to our old songs on myspace (VERY 2007) and it feels like it was a different life. i look at old pictures of myself from the band and don't recognise myself DH still does the band thing but i have neither the time or the energy! and quite honestly would feel a bit of a nob being on stage now...
I'm a 33 year old musician and can relate to a lot of what you're saying. I've led a very hedonistic life since my teens, but this dynamic stepped up a gear in 2007 when I joined a popular successful band. There was free booze at every gig and a lot of male attention, but yes, it was rather shallow and all I really wanted was to go home at the end of the night to someone who loved me for me.
I'm still performing today, but I'm pretty much teetotal - I'm a natural performer and have come to realise I don't need to drink for confidence, plus there's nothing worse for confidence than feeling tired, bloated and out of control!! I look at some of my band mates, who are immensely talented and have toured with internationally known musicians, but the disparity between life on stage and the humdrum of every day existence has turned them into alcoholic insomniacs.
I now have a wonderful man now who is my rock (who met me when I was on a hiatus from bands and is with me for the right reasons) two of my band mates are dealing with splitting with their wives / access rights to children, the fallout caused mainly by juggling the two lives you speak of. I do think is IS possible to have the best of both worlds, but it is hard. I have only managed it because I am passionate about the music above the lifestyle that goes with it.
yeah futtheshuckup re going out - thats when it hits me the most too, when i do go out, i just feel completely out of place and like i shouldn't be there...in fact i hardly ever go out now, TBH i would rather snuggle up indoors with DH and the dcs the "old me" would cringe at that!
and mrscumberbatch yes i feel like that too, kind of an identity crisis.
and higgsboson thats awesome that you are still singing, good for you do you do covers or originals? just wondering! as there does seem to be lots of 30+ women singing in covers bands, i am sure i could do that if i wanted but am shy these days and would be nervous about trying out, plus i haven't sung on stage for four years now!
and yeah tescowdirect i wouldn't WANT to be doing what i was doing then, now, in fact it was my birthday yesterday and i remembered waking up on my birthday 5 years ago hungover and in tears as i was on my own and had just been ditched and i just wanted a family around me ...and 5 years on i have just that. so i should be grateful for what i have now, i wouldn't swap it for anything.
thanks for the replies, i love mumsnet, its better than any counselling lol
YANBU, I often look back at uni days and wonder what happened to that girl.
will come back and reply properly to posts, but just wanted to say, wow, blueballoon, you are so brave x
Gingers Thank you.
It's still a struggle at times. When DS was 8 I had another child my DD with y partner at the time. He left when she was only 10 months old without telling me why and wouldn't answer the phone or explain what was happening. Then shortly after he left she was diagnosed with scoliosis.
Both my children will be having major surgery next year ( my daughter on her spine and my son on his feet)
They are both beautiful, strong children and I love them to pieces but sometimes I do feel sorry for myself!
I sometimes see 20 somethings walking past my house to go into town and find myself thinking that I wish my life had been as care free and fun.
I agree with whoever it was above that said "life is what you make it".
I have great fun with my family and friends and adore having my children and wouldn't change my life at all, just wish it was a bit easier sometimes.
Get your show-off pants out and carry on! You're a mere tadpole.
YANBU - it's totally normal to miss your 'old' life at times. But i promise you the benefits of your chidren (and you) getting a bit older will far outweigh any melancholic longings! As my 2 teenage DD's become more independent DH and I are having a whale of a time......AND now I'm in my (very early) 40s I feel any pressure to try and be a size 8 has looooong gone, I feel quite wise at times (usually when I'm pissed) and I'm so enjoying being a dirrty old woman leering at much younger men thru my dark glasses on holiday! Such fun!
Ah blueballoon had to pop in and say I hope your life is better now. Brave strong person you are.
Sorry, forgot to do the (absolutely true) follow up bit - these moments of longing are short and infrequent and most of the time I love being with DD so much that my tiredness, baggy eyes, saggy belly and lack of time for bars and clubs doesn't bother me a bit.
YABU but admittedly I'm only saying that as I'm totally jealous.
I had my DS when I was only 20 years old. He was born severely disabled.
I've never had a party girl life and the life you describe actually makes me feel really upset because I've really missed out.
My twenties were all about hospital appointments and physiotherapy and feeling incredibly alone and isolated and scared.
DS' father was an abusive alcoholic so I left him when DS was nearly 3 years old and just did everything alone.
I can understand in a way you missing your old life but if I were you I'd just be glad you had that experience and relish the memories of it.
nm123, I am you! Also 32 with one toddler daughter.
My job has always had (still does have) a fab social life attached...lots of dinners, parties, corporate entertainment, tickets for great gigs and clubs. Going out with clients was a massive part of it. Now I do the "day job" (but usually in a tired, hair-not-freshly-washed kind of way) and I miss being the young, pretty, blonde in the sharp business suit getting merry on swanky cocktails in a bar.
Moomie, I know exactly how you feel. It's a bit identity crisis-y because on one hand I love my life now but my old life there were probably more stories to tell
Get back in the studio. We moved out of the city to suburbia and there just happens to be a hidden gem of a recording studio not even 15 minutes up the street. Wheeee!
Get back on it!
Since having DD 3 years ago my life, body and energy levels have changed beyond recognition BUT...
...that doesn't stop me from singing in pubs and clubs every weekend
I know loads of other pro singers the same age or older - get your arse back on that stage
Ahhh had felt like this on saturday.... I'm 32 with 1xDD and met up with the girls for a glass of wine in the afternoon. Got to about 5ish and I had to start thinking about heading home, sorting dinner and putting DD to bed. The girls were staying out and didn't really know where they would be going on to but all of a sudden I felt a gazillion miles away from them. And missed the old days of getting pissed in the afternoon and getting wilder as the night went on
sometimes not getting home until the next lunchtime. I love DD with every morsel of my being and enjoy my new life as a mummy and know I haven't got the stamina to be wild anymore but boy do I miss the spontaneity and being footloose and fancy free.
You would feel a bit of a nob being on stage at the grand old age of 33?! Debbie Harry only started with Blondie when she was about your age. Chrissie Hynde, Kim Gordon, Kim Deal, Patti Smith, to name just the first handful of women that popped into my head, all rocked out for legions of adoring fans right the way through their thirties and there are loads more like them. You're talking about things that happened a mere 6 years ago like an old lady looking back on her halcyon youth. Is ridiculous! You're not being unreasonable to miss stuff you used to do, but don't blame it on your age. Own your decisions.
No, don't think I've ever been 'cool' , only ever been to a night club once in my life - and I'm in my 50s now, perhaps I will become a rock chick in my 60s .
I miss the way I looked I was so glam
I went to lots of cool parties, clubs, bars, restaurants my life was about having a good time and looking good It was very shallow i did start to get bored I look back with fun memories but have done many other fun things that have more meaning to me but its was great
If you were living that kind of life today, chances are you would be envying people who have the life you have now.
<old & wise>
^never had that much energy.
YANBU. I miss old me. I really, really like now me, but I miss old me too. She was fun and wild. I met a young woman the other month who my oldest friend had said was 'just like me when I was young'. I said, 'I see what you mean, but omg I nev had that much energy.' DF said 'actually you had more.' .
Hahaha I'm now 32, single, a full time student with stretchmarks, a DS and live in a small town in the suburbs. I used to have a party flat in the middle of Brighton - I was always out, loads of fun, lots of sex, confidence, it was great! I'm totally nostalgic and I kind of don't recognise myself...
Nope - you're not being unreasonable at all
I'm 34 and expecting first DC this week. Got married last September and pregnant pretty quickly afterwards. I'm not Mrs Rock'n'Roll but even I was thinking back to my life a year ago and feeling a bit nostalgic
The only thing is that everything does move on and I know I'm very lucky in that a lot of my single friends would love to have a baby/get married etc although I'm envying their freedom and the fact they can still wear high heels!
I suppose it's swings and roundabouts but yiu are definitely not unreasonable to feel like this!
To quote Wayne's World: 'live in the now!'
I think YABU. You said yourself that it was shallow and everything seems better when you are not actually in the moment. Why not focus on bringing the nice bits of your old persona back - like exploring your musical side?
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