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to think if 2 of your children have been taken by their dad

(41 Posts)
mamamibbo Mon 19-Nov-12 14:51:17

and they other 2 are very close to being taken into care (different dads) becuase you havent been looking after them properly

then you should try and make an effort with the ones you still have

my neighbour is screaming at the 5 year old thats playing out in the pouring rain with out a coat on, ive no idea why he isnt at school sad shes using words that shouldnt be said to small children

i know i should keep my nose out but i feel sorry for the kids sad

maddening Mon 19-Nov-12 16:10:05

That isn't struggling that is plain neglect. No amount of the op offering help to her will help this woman be a good mother to those children.

Op call ss again.

tethersend Mon 19-Nov-12 16:11:30

I really don't think popping round and offering help is any substitute for much needed Child Protection intervention.

Even if she is "a desperately sad woman with PND or similar who just can't cope and is clinging on by her finger nails.", if her actions are impacting on the children this severely (which they clearly are), the SS need to be involved.

What I mean is, the reasons the woman is behaving in this way shouldn't affect the action taken if the effect on the children is the same, as it's about their needs, not hers.

NoraGainesborough Mon 19-Nov-12 16:13:35

Call as and tell them what is happening right now. She may be telling the SW everything they want to hear. They need to know what's happening when they are not around.
I do think you have done what you can, but aibu not really the place to 'chat' about this when you feel you can't do anymore. Perhaps asked for this to be moved to chat.

Popumpkin Mon 19-Nov-12 16:18:29

Not that it matters that much, but which two children have been taken by their dad? The older two? Just trying to gauge the ages of the children left in the home.

Please phone SS. It may seem as though you are harrassing her, but you must for the sake of the children. They deserve to be cared for properly, hopefully SS can help their mother to do that.

BonaDea Mon 19-Nov-12 16:26:01

Leave the OP alone. God the AIBU threads are the worst for jumping down people's throats.

OP - as others have said, it doesn't matter whether you have rung before, you need to ring again. If anything happened to any of those children, you would feel awful not to have done something. The woman needs help and the kids definitely do.

fromparistoberlin Mon 19-Nov-12 16:28:58

how horrible to have to see this day to day

if you dont want to speak with her (and I get why), keep a diary and just keep logging to SS

I am with Michael Gove on this one I am afraid, get those kids off her asap

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter Mon 19-Nov-12 16:46:15

Poor kids, as the others have said report it to SS. Ultimately if she is sad and suffering PND they are going to be much better placed to help then the OP.

BegoniaBigtoes Mon 19-Nov-12 17:03:25

There are countless threads on here by people still living with the damage their parents did to them and who have very bad relationships with them and/or take the difficult decision to cut them out of their lives (and some have been by me). Those crappy parents get a right pasting and their adult children are supported. Well how do you think it starts off? It's so odd that on here some people see it as judgy or snobbish to remark on terrible parenting by their own generation, but if it's the generation above us it's acceptable to mention it. I don't get it. Likewise if an Mner posted about her exH treating their kids like this how much sympathy would he get?

I would call SS again, it's all you can do OP. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this - OTOH it's good that those kids have you to notice them. Noticing and reporting seems like the right "community" response in this case.

BupcakesAndCunting Mon 19-Nov-12 17:07:34

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

OliviaMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 19-Nov-12 20:19:32

Evening all

tethersend Mon 19-Nov-12 20:24:04

Evening Olivia smile

Can a personal attack be a personal attack if it isn't aimed at anyone specifically?

Just asking...

blackeyedsusan England Mon 19-Nov-12 20:24:41

good evening olivia...

just popped in to see which bun fight you are refereeing.. grin

blackeyedsusan England Mon 19-Nov-12 20:35:17

goodness op, a little harsh on you...

it seems the only thing you can do is keep referring to ss if you think the children are at risk.

BupcakesAndCunting Mon 19-Nov-12 21:12:02

It can be if I wrote it, Tethers. Olivia has it in for me.

MmeLindor Germany Mon 19-Nov-12 21:20:21

Bloody hell. Sorry you've been given a hard time, OP. It sounds like you are doing what you can to help these kids.

As to the 'she may have PND and be struggling' type posts, suggesting the OP should be going around to help her neighbour -- I don't think I would get personally involved with a family like this one. The mum sounds awful.

She may have PND, or she may be an abusive twat of a woman who neglects her DC. It is not the OP's job to discover that, or to solve the problem. The best she can do is to continue to do what she has been doing. Informing the relevant authorities.

RandallPinkFloyd Mon 19-Nov-12 22:04:41

That's exactly the point I was making MmeLindor. I apologise if it didn't come across as I intended it to.

There are a million could be's.

The upshot is still the same. The children and the mother need help.

Therefore if the OP doesn't feel able or feel she wants to help, for whatever reason she needs to call the appropriate agency.

No she isn't responsible and no it certainly isn't her fault but it would appear that she is the only person who is noticing.

To me the OP sounds like she is finding the whole thing really upsetting. That's a good thing. It's horrible for her but finding it upsetting is exactly the reaction a decent person would have.

Those children need someone to get upset on their behalf and help them. It isn't right that it has fallen to the OP but unfortunately it has.

It's a shitty situation all round and if the authorities have been informed as often as stated earlier then they are failing both the family and the OP and they need to be held to account.

I feel for you OP I really do, you've done all the right things so far. It can't be easy. Don't be put of coming on here if you need to off load. (Just maybe avoid AIBU wink )

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