Would you take money from your mum in this situation?

(60 Posts)
RevoltingPeasant Sat 17-Nov-12 17:23:31

I am really genuinely torn on this one.

So: my mum and dad split up 4-5 years ago, DM is in her mid-60s, owns her house outright, has comfortable savings and runs her own (small, 1-person) business. Recently she put her house in trust to me and the DSisses because she says she intends to leave us the property eventually and she doesn't want us to have to pay inheritance tax. I felt pretty uncomfortable about this as it seemed like anticipating her death but I also saw it was a sensible, kind thing for her to do.

DH and I are saving for a house. I trained a long time to do what I do and I will be 34/35 before we can afford one, even on about a 90% mortgage. We also want to start ttc in the new year. But I am worried about having a baby without being close to our savings target as I think we would be unable to save much with DC here.

So my mum said recently, do I want to 'anticipate' my eventual inheritance by having her cash in some money on her house to put towards our deposit? I said no but I know this will come up again when we go for Christmas next month and I don't know what to say.

AIBU to say yes to make my life easier, or should I stand on my own two feet and delay house-buying & baby-making?

NewRowSees Sat 17-Nov-12 20:43:33

I personally wouldn't - my parents have already made so many sacrifices for me, I'd feel too guilty. And home ownership isn't the be-all-and-end-all.

Your mum might end up living for longer than you're anticipating, or decide to go on a cruise etc. It's her money and she should feel free to spend it as she likes, not keep it aside to bankroll your lifestyle. (I know it's not as straightforward as that, but I'm over-simplifying).

cozietoesie Sat 17-Nov-12 20:45:22

Interesting alternative option, Talkin.

Should the OP talk to an accountant about it?

wink

Talkinboutmoney Sat 17-Nov-12 20:50:21

cosie Hope that didn't sound too sales pitchy, am a regular, but didn't really fancy posting my mortgage details in public blush.

cozietoesie Sat 17-Nov-12 20:53:48

No, no - it didn't at all. It was a good other option to suggest.

smile

Talkinboutmoney Sat 17-Nov-12 20:59:22

Oh ok, we didn't talk to an accountant (naive) but one of the stipulations was that my bankofdad had to seek independent legal advice about it.

cozietoesie Sat 17-Nov-12 21:06:24

Well that's always a good idea. Meeting needs while satisfying both legal requirements and individual aspirations ain't usually easy.

IWishIWasSheRa Sat 17-Nov-12 21:34:50

And make sure that there is a stipulation about what happens if you and your partner were to split up- am sure you won't but can you imagine how you and your mum would feel watching him walk away with the money She worked so hard for.

cozietoesie Sat 17-Nov-12 21:36:15

There's a thought - and that could be a deal breaker.

Talkinboutmoney Sat 17-Nov-12 21:53:51

Good point Iwish the money stays in the guarantor's name though and in a savings account so I don't think that would happen easily. I think the biggest potential issues come from either you missing mortgage payments or if the guarantor decides they want their money back early. Providing both parties are reasonable, which it seems the OP is neither should be an issue.

RevoltingPeasant Sat 17-Nov-12 22:12:47

Just checking back into this thread - thanks Talkin. We are already looking at a SavetoBuy account with Nationwide, where you save with them specifically for a certain amount of time and they offer you a </=95% mortgage. We wouldn't want that a big a mortgage but it is possible.

I think on balance this thread has convinced me not to. I already said no when she asks but as we live 350 miles away and only talk on the phone mostly, when we see her face to face for Xmas it's likely to come up again. But yes, generally I don't want to feel 'in debt' to my mum and don't want to take anything off her. I already feel uncomfortable about the trust but she was very insistent that that was what she wanted.

Thanks, all.

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