That BOTH my best friends are *OW* ??!!

(99 Posts)
Littleblue Sat 17-Nov-12 11:52:26

These are adult , educated and intelligent women... who are both wedged firmly in the 'Home wrecking bastards" category for me.. I am trying very hard , after my initial horror/anger at them to avoid discussing it... They are both hellbent however on pressuring me into understanding why they think this is anyhow OK in situ A , the marriage was in serious trouble/separate bedrooms before he met my friend... situ B , same , but still sharing a bed , with two year old child and gf was 8 bloody months pregnant... now apparently , pregnant gf has had several affairs , and there was some question about the two year olds paternity (classy) but not the baby , who is now born...
Imho... both my friends should walk away.. fast If these relationships are to happen , its not out of the wreckage of ( between both situs ) no less than 8 childrens family lives... these two relationships should be in mediation/separation... not fucking other women. I'm so angry with them both , and also worried for them , but mainly angry.... I'm one of the most liberal people on earth , but not on this. angry

Littleblue Sat 17-Nov-12 19:25:47

Only loosely , via me... they never really bonded , two entirely different characters... anyways , I am out with newer friends tonight , so won't be feeling pulled etc... thanks all , have a good eve ! wine smile

Littleblue Sat 17-Nov-12 19:26:21

and yes... I am stepping back ;)

lovebunny Sat 17-Nov-12 20:15:06

drop them. like stones. they don't care about anyone but themselves. what if the husband was yours?

lovebunny Sat 17-Nov-12 20:15:32

ah, i see you already have...

CremeEggThief Sat 17-Nov-12 20:18:33

Well, enjoy yourself tonight smile.

SoupDragon Sat 17-Nov-12 20:21:16

They would no longer be my friends.

Littleblue Sun 18-Nov-12 11:25:48

I'm getting messages , both the wronged women are throwing the men out ... Apparently these men are having a terrible timeangryangry ... Today there's going to be a very pointed message from me re my boundaries and feelings about this !

Rudolphstolemycarrots Sun 18-Nov-12 12:05:34

It's the husbands responsibility as he is the married person. He is the one who chose to have the affair while your friends are single. I also could not listen to their twisted views. They have clearly been fed some stories by the married man.

SoupDragon Sun 18-Nov-12 13:16:36

It's the husbands responsibility as he is the married person.

IMO both are in the wrong. I hate this attitude that the OW/OM is clear of any wrongdoing.

Littleblue Sun 18-Nov-12 20:22:45

All I really know , if I put myself in the position they are claiming to be in...that I would tell said sad married to go sort his life out , and if it really is on the rocks , to look me up a LONG way down the line... no contact... the mother of the new baby is in bits apparently , whatever SHE did is irrelevant , theres a brand new life that should be the priority... I've heard enough.

Littleblue Mon 19-Nov-12 14:31:24

I am trying very hard not to be drawn into a row about this situ with them , but just had one on the phone , looking forward to "hearing his voice and holding him"... and she "really cares" about how mum and baby are doing , and she (friend) and the baby's father are worried as mum and babe are not bonding.... on my fucking oath , I could feel a red mist rising and just cut off the call... hung up angry

ChaoticismyLife Mon 19-Nov-12 14:36:19

IMO both are in the wrong. I hate this attitude that the OW/OM is clear of any wrongdoing.

This ^^

OP your friend sounds like a selfish cow. If she and baby's father really cared then she wouldn't have got involved with him and he wouldn't have had an affair...twats.

Littleblue Mon 19-Nov-12 14:38:45

I think the same... I was incredulous at what she was saying to me , starting to wonder if she's actually right in the head !!!!

I'd tell them that I don't want to know anything about it and that you don't want to have any contact with them until the situation has been sorted out, either the MM leaving his partner for your "friend" or your friend walking away and leaving him to sort out his own problems. I was the OW once and wish someone had sat me down and spelled it out rather than glossing over it and pretending that it was ok to do what I was doing.

Not trying to blame anyone else mind, I did what I did with no thought for anyone else and have regretted it ever since.

Littleblue Tue 20-Nov-12 00:05:36

Shits flying , the one with the baby got thrown out tonight... and I was very on the side of the new mother , whatever the history... I have just firmly closed communications on this.... really fucking upset

WorraLiberty Tue 20-Nov-12 00:13:56

You seem a bit over invested in other people's relationships to be honest.

I know they're your friends but all this drama can't be any good for you.

Just chill out and concentrate on your own life for now...let them get on with theirs.

Littleblue Tue 20-Nov-12 00:26:38

Yeah , i know.. my phone never stops , and in trying to be a good friend , ive fucked myself up I think... I need to reset some boundaries and walk away... I'm not getting any support for my own shit anyway , quite the reverse.

WorraLiberty Tue 20-Nov-12 00:41:45

Well that's the thing.

Their idea of being a good friend is probably to sit and say 'aww there there'

But since that's (quite rightly) never going to happen, you need a break from them and all the drama.

They will survive without you and if they're true friends, they'll understand why you distanced yourself when the shit hit the fan.

Just concentrate on you and let them get on with it.

You can love your friends and hate their actions. For your own sanity and conscience you could tell them exactly that. That you will never condone their relationships and if they value your friendship not to discuss them with you.

Relationships do end. It is possible to await the end of one relationship before starting another. Choosing to lie, betray and deceive is cowardly. The men are more culpable, without a doubt, but this does not absolve the other women. They have made the choice to enable the men to do dreadful harm to their families.

I would struggle to remain friends, I think.

SideshoBob Tue 20-Nov-12 05:47:07

The thing that get's me about these type of people is, let's say they eventually do get together with the man (probably if he gets kicked out and divorced for having an affair in the first place) how the hell can they ever trust that it just won't happen to them. That the next other women won't be convinced that he has a legitimate reason to have an affair. It's baffling. Clearly if they've done it before they'll have no qualms in doing it again.

I think you need to meet some new friends

AnyFucker Tue 20-Nov-12 10:51:55

Tell your friends to stop contacting you with these dramas and that you will pick up your friendship when they have sorted themselves out

Turn your phone off until it dies down

You do not have to get sucked in...you have a choice

Littleblue Tue 20-Nov-12 14:45:56

Yes... " If he will cheat with you , he will cheat on you" How true the supposed dissolution of their existing relationship is is besides the point... affairs cause a huge amount of damage to the children within the ensuing shitstorm... I am not taking calls , I have closed doors hard and am concentrating on what I need to focus on for me... when the inevitable questions come re my absence I will say calmly that I have nothing I want to say regarding their respective behaviours , I have alot of problems of my own.

OneMoreChap Tue 20-Nov-12 15:25:59

SideshoBob

Clearly if they've done it before they'll have no qualms in doing it again.

Not actually true.
Some will, some won't.

While yes, the men should have left first, lots don't. Just like lots of women don't.

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