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To tell DP that he gets a weekend lie in when he starts doing night time "duty" with DD

(61 Posts)
RainbowsFriend Sat 10-Nov-12 08:45:15

... or when she starts letting me have at least 6 hours sleep in a row.

He says it's unfair as it's not his choice he doesn't deal with her wake ups but hers - she just screams if he goes to her at night despite being perfectly acceptable during the day.

So DD is 16 months and doesn't sleep. NEVER has. Used to be no more than 2 hours in a row, sometimes now I might get 3 or if I'm lucky 4. (Not interested in advice on controlled crying etc thanks as it just doesn't work on DD)

I cosleep and generally just shove a boob in and she goes back to sleep very very quickly - but I'm still tired and one weekend day I ask DP to get up with her when she wakes properly at 7.30 so I can have a lie in until about 8.30.... The other weekend day he tends to be up early for sailing.

He works full time but has practically zero commute, and I work 4 days a week, with a small commute - but only until 2.30 on 3 of the days.

RainbowsFriend Sat 10-Nov-12 19:26:24

Thankyou MavisG smile

CouthyMowEatingBraiiiiinz Sat 10-Nov-12 19:39:49

Two weekend days. You each get one. You have Saturday morning, you choose to sleep. He has Sunday morning, he chooses to sail.

He has a blunt choice. Sleep or sail.

What HE chooses to do with his weekend morning should NOT impact on what YOU choose to do on YOUR weekend morning.

midseasonsale Sat 10-Nov-12 19:42:28

Thats rubbish socharlotte, I co-slept and always woke when B-Fing. My sleep was interrupted lots and could never be compared to quality lone sleeping.

I think you deserve all the lie ins at this stage. If he wants more sleep he needs to go to bed earlier.

Zimbah Sat 10-Nov-12 19:45:04

Your DH seems to think that his sailing morning is an essential, much like going to work, so shouldn't count as "his" time. Odd. At the moment you each have a weekend morning which seems totally reasonable, if he chooses to use his morning to sail then that's up to him but he can't then insist on having Saturday mornings too!

The night waking isn't particularly relevant, if you're both happy then it's not a problem is it. Even if all three of your slept for 11 hours straight each night it still wouldn't be fair for your DH to have two mornings to himself.

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep Sat 10-Nov-12 20:17:48

Agree with others that your DH is 'spending' his lie-in on sailing, his choice but he can't really then complain about it.

Just wanted to send some words of hope- DS was just like this for ever his first two years but is getting better; he has even slept through till 7am once or twice grinhmm

I've got the book 'no-cry sleep solution' which seems quite good (I'm never going to be doing controlled crying either) but DS started sleeping reasonably well on his own before I really put it into action. Might be worth a look though.

LadyWidmerpool Sat 10-Nov-12 20:36:39

I'm in a similar position except my husband looked after our baby all morning while I slept and was glad to do it. Tomorrow I will let him sleep in. It works very nicely and we both get one on one time with our girl. I don't think it's about the night waking, I think it's about each getting some time to yourself and if he gets time to do his activity you should get time to spend as you choose.

chirpchirp Sat 10-Nov-12 21:01:35

YANBU to want one lie in a week.

I get up on a Saturday with DS, DH gets up on a Sunday. Sometimes I'll use my free Sunday morning to have a lie in, sometimes I'll use it to get up and go out and take part in a hobby but ultimately it's free time to use as we see fit. I couldn't operate without it!

Rootatoot Sat 10-Nov-12 21:25:46

Yanbu op. Stick to your guns & wish i had the energy to do same. Iabu for reading threads like this as I think I'm hoping to find I'm not the only one but actually I just end up feeling like a mug.

Ds also 16 months. Also never slept ever. Has done 6 hour stretch once. I also bf & co sleep at some point in the night. Dh also sleeps on spare room. However, I don't get lie in..ever. dh thinks cos he works & I am currently sahm, he is entitled to lies in & naps & I'm not. ds wakes at 6 most days. Sometimes earlier.

Yes, push for longer lie in & don't give in. Don't be a mug like me just cos you're too tired to suffer a row!

Phrase it another way to him. Tell him you are quite happy to look after DD for half the weekend mornings, as long as he does the other half. Then ask him why he wants you to do 75% of the weekend mornings to his 25%?

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sat 10-Nov-12 22:13:31

Agree with everyone else - we each get one morning, can use it resting, reading, exercising or whatever but he is being unfair trying to get leisure time and a lie-in!

RainbowsFriend Sat 10-Nov-12 22:16:05

Rootatoot That's really unfair. Although when I was on maternity leave I sort of didn't feel "entitled" to insist on my lie ins as I could nap when she did - is that your problem?

TheSkiingGardener - Good idea! smile

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