Recently broke up with boyfriend, feel free to read other thread. There were loads of issues already and while I'm sad about it it's probably for the best.
But there's one thing I'm feeling particuarly wounded about and it just won't leave me, it was something that was mentioned in the past and something that has been used to attack me in text wars since.
Basically between apologies and telling me I'm missed and he knows he acts stupid. I've been told I'm not domestic enough, I didn't look after him, he needs someone who will look after him and not expect him to do washing up or help around the house, I'm not a real woman, he will find a dedicated woman. I need to learn who's boss (I think he was joking).
And although I'm sure I'm not in the wrong I find myself analysing things and even questioning friends about how much their patners do.
My now ex didn't live with me but had over the past 3.5 years been staying round my house often 4-5 times a week. The only things I ever asked him to do were, in the week either wash up after I'd cooked for us OR read ds a bedtime story. And half the time I'd say leave the washing up and do it in the morning anyway. And that's it. Weekends I might ask him to put the bins out while I bath ds or vice versa, help ds have a wash while I ironed an outfit or vice verca before going out and I honestly can't think of anything else that I asked on a regular basis. He did cook but not reguarly I'm talking every 3 weeks he might have been in charge of poaching some eggs for lunch. Actually he has hung washing on the line maybe 5-6 times in 3 years.
I keep my own house clean despite exes presence making this evermore difficult as he would open a drawer to find socks and boxers and leave drawer open and socks in a heap on the floor finding the ones he wants and other clothes spread acros the floor clean mixed with dirty. I washed all his clothes that he left and made sure he had clean stuff to wear and repeatedly folded and packed his going home bag, I offered to iron for him but he said no there's no point ironing clothes. I did other washing he'd bring stuff over for me to wash like his work overalls and even wet stuff for me to hang out.I cleaned his piss up off the toilet seat daily despite his denial that it was him and flushed the shit and piss out of the toilet that he left for me in the morning. I picked up his wet towels, cooked for him almost daily. I wouldn't have dreamed of expecting him to get a sponge and clean the bath, or get the mop or hoover out or dust anything.
On the weekends every morning I make the beds, ex would never make a bed when he got out of it, and I have a quick tidy round usually while he would switch the tv on or sit on the net.
Now thing is, I work four days a week far away and don't get in until 6 those days, I have a ds to take care of too, I try to take care of my appearance so I do like to shave my legs and do my hair and make up each day (maybe I should drop this in favour of household chores). And I also like to chill of an evening for a couple of hours too, so I'm not sure I could do anymore really.
Even my dad who my mum waits on hand and foot said that all this men and women roles is a myth and he got stuck in when us kids were little.
And worst bit is ex isn't exactly the type to get stuck in to the 'mans' jobs at the weekend either! Despite being more than capable and even if he wern't, I think to say he wasn't a 'real man' because he didn't would just be spiteful.
I'm sure he's just being an idiot about it and have told him so, but it's still dented me and made me wonder if all other women are donning their pinnys every weekend and making sure their husbands are ok.
AIBU?
To wonder when equality went out of the window and to think that I AM a 'real' woman?
sillymoomoo · 13/10/2012 20:31
Really cheeky? 
I was assuming that the OP's ex was a sex god, because I could see bugger all reason for keeping him otherwise, he seems to do nothing.
His idea of a "real" woman is a domestic appliance. He is utterly utterly wrong, please do NOT allow anything he has said to taint your self esteem in any way!
Of course you're a real woman. You're not made of plastic? You exist, don't you? Typing away there in your house that exists, on Earth, not in some made up dreamland 
A real woman is someone who has interests, hobbies, dreams, thoughts, feelings, desires. Not someone whose life revolves around serving someone else and making sure their life is perfect. That sounds like a half life to me, the total opposite of being a real person in your own right.
sockreturning I wish I could copy my DP and send him out to you lovely women of mumsnet. If you could put up with his leaving of trainers EVERYWHERE, he's dead good once you get used. and he'd wear a pinny.
sillymoomoo, you aren't a silly moo, you're a normal woman who shouldn't have to be a sodding stepford wife to feel 'perfect'. and you're spot on, a relationship is about working together and it shouldnt be anybodies 'job' or 'role'. and certainly not 'serve'!
I do apologise, I've had a couple of 
and feel a bit :o
No OP, you are not mad.
My DH and I do 50/50 in terms of childcare as we both work full time. He has never complained about this because he sees it as normal and right.
Even when I was on maternity leave, he did masses of housework as he thought my job was "looking after DS for us both and Christ knows how anyone can do anything around the house with a baby in their arms all day!"
Actually he does almost all dirty nappies now (
) and gets into our two year old's bed when we wakes in the night far more than me. This is because I'm pregnant now and I breastfed DS for 16 months, getting up 8 times a night! So he thinks it's only fair that this is his turn to be woken up and kicked in the face a lot.
He's not perfect. He can be very very annoying and stubborn. I could fill a whole thread with all the small things that drive me mad. But he thinks I am equal and would never dream of making my life harder to make his easier.
So no, equality is not dead. Whether I was working, a SAHM or whatever, DH would always think I was his equal and deserved the world.
I'm not saying we don't have problems ever in our marriage but if we split up, it would not be down to him being sexist.
You won't find someone perfect, OP, but you definitely don't have to settle for someone who doesn't think you are equal.
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