to worry that my new career may embarrass my dd?

(36 Posts)
Quasimodo Thu 11-Oct-12 21:27:32

ok...ive decided i want to do a PGCE to teach secondary, so i have started volunteering at dds primary year 5; she is year 3

i have a physical deformity which is not blindingly obvious immediately; some people notice it straight off, it has taken some friends a couple of years to notice hmm (they could be being polite i suppose. but its ugly, and getting worse with age

ive spoken to dd about it before; she looks blank and doesnt know what im taking about. i suppose ive always had it and always been her mum so maybe she doesnt see it

anyway some of the year 5 kids have noticed. some have asked me about it politely and some have expressed a bit of horror/disgust.

im worried that this is going to lead to problems/embarrassment for dd. And am considering not doing the PGCE afterall

its more WWYD i suppose? how would you handle it?

kerala Fri 12-Oct-12 14:38:28

Maybe its ok if your parent is a low key scuttle in and out of school one of 3 geography teachers. Less so if locally "famous" high profile deputy head...

Trills Fri 12-Oct-12 14:35:55

Haha. No, I haven't.

kerala Fri 12-Oct-12 14:29:44

You have obviously never sat in a full school assembly given by your dad Trills.

Trills Fri 12-Oct-12 10:05:15

I dont think its ideal to have parents at school secondary level but primary fine.

I'd say it's the other way around actually, at secondary school your parent will be one teacher out of many, and may not even be your teacher (we had three geography teachers, for example)

kerala Fri 12-Oct-12 10:04:04

My mother taught at my primary - I was pretty indifferent to it tbh children so self absorbed it wasnt an issue for me or either of my sisters. Things become "normal" for children so the fact Quasimodos mum teaches on Thursdays will be utterly unremarkable.

That said my father taught at our secondary school which was MORTIFYING. He was a relatively popular effective teacher but still horrendous. I dont think its ideal to have parents at school secondary level but primary fine.

DameFannyGallopsAtaGhost Fri 12-Oct-12 09:56:07

Just slightly off topic OP, but please be aware that teaching can be really bad for your back, and make sure you have specific advice and exercises to counteract the impact of working on a black/white board, standing lots etc?

waterlego Fri 12-Oct-12 09:46:29

Totally agree with the others here. I'm an ex-secondary teacher and can vouch for the fact that teenagers will always find something to be rude about, whatever you look like! But having a teacher who doesn't necessarily fit their idea of what is usual or expected is a valuable learning experience for them.

I once worked with a very short (unusually so) male teacher who took a bit of ribbing from some students but took it very well and was extremely popular. More to the point- an excellent teacher.

One of my very good friends is a teacher and also has albinism so looks a bit different from the average person. In addition, her eyesight is obviously very poor so she has to use special glasses/lenses and so on while teaching. She is a brilliant teacher who has no trouble with discipline and I feel she sets a great example to her students in terms of what is possible for someone with a disability.

Slight tangent there, as you have said you have a deformity rather than a disability, but you get the point.

Good luck with your studies smile

Trills Fri 12-Oct-12 09:17:30

You should definitely go for it.

Mrsjay Fri 12-Oct-12 09:02:50

Whatever you do will be embarrassing to a teenager anyway!

^ ^ this when your dd reaches teen years there will be times she won't want to walk beside you and everything you do is wrong regardless of what you look like,

Mrsjay Fri 12-Oct-12 09:01:32

Please keep up with it don't let your disability hold you back my children didn't realise i was disabled until somebody told them , your child loves you, I work with children and have in the past volunteered with the primary and I have only heard 1 or 2 incidents where children giggled 'cos i walk funny' , dont let it hold you back and good luck smile

HappyJustToBe Fri 12-Oct-12 08:42:50

Don't comment on anyone your DD has a crush on in the hearing of others and you'll be top notch.

Whatever you do will be embarrassing to a teenager anyway!

Oh OP......the name grin you have a sense of humour, you'll be fine

Don't worry about this for another second....it's their problem, not yours. After the first few comments (if there are any at all) your DD will know how to reply to them, since they're unlikely to be that original, and that'll be that. Probably she'll gain from the whole thing. Chin up, you'll be fab.

Leena49 Fri 12-Oct-12 02:16:47

It's how you handle the comments really. My friend has dwarfism and teaches and kids think she is cool as a cucumber.
Personally I wouldn't teach in a high school in the area I live but we are in a big city so can choose.

missingmumxox Fri 12-Oct-12 00:01:34

the embarrassment is you as Mum or Dad being in School, the "deformity" especially if lots of people don't notice it is probably due to it is not as obvious as you think it is, and B/ most of us are not as observant as we like to think we are,
I was once mentor to a Nurse from overseas, observed her working over 6 months day in day out, taught her things she hadn't done before, got on really well with her, it was just before I left so a year I had known her, and I had just come back from annual leave and I was chatting away, had to do a blood gas from an arterial line, I was telling her I hated coming back from A/l because I always turned the tap the wrong way the first time after a break (don't worry it is not a terrible thing to do, just annoying to make the mistake) but today was different, I would do it right, I started to turn the tap and she leaped to my side and put her hand over mine and turned it the other way, we burst out laughing, and I looked down at my hand to see for the first time hers, she had 2 fingers and a thumb, after that shock I realised she had scaring to her hand, brought me up short, that I had never noticed it before.

Quasimodo Thu 11-Oct-12 22:08:41

ahh...thanks all. you have reassured me through my wobble smile

TBH, in primary - not an issue. In secondary - it would be nothing to do with your physical appearance, your DD, like any other teenager, would be embarrassed by your very existence. I say this as the child of a teacher who, whilst she was an embarassingly "involved" parent (not the done thing in the 70s/80s) did at least have the grace not to teach in the same school that any of us were in once we were in secondary (although she did join my old school the term after I left, and got told all sorts of stuff about me that I could have lived quite happily without her knowing hmm)

So - all in all - absolutely go for it, DD will be fine.

AgentZigzag Thu 11-Oct-12 21:59:59

I only stayed as long as was possibly needed when I picked up/dropped off DD1 at primary, but I've been apparently called all sorts by the children there.

Vampire, weird, Michael Jackson lookalike (had a really good laugh at that one) and I'm evil apparently grin (DD actually warmed to the vamp accusations after she'd got into Twilight grin)

My crime is I'm an ex-goth who still has the pale make up/lippy but wears jeans/t shirts.

By the sounds of it I wasn't the only mum the wolf pack went for.

I'm not saying your DD will get it anyway grin but rather it's not something you need to worry about for her. I love it that she looked blank and didn't know what you were on about when you tried to talk to her about it, she sounds lovely smile

True, Quasimodo, crap and deformed would be a problem grin. You may have to develop a 'story' or a funny comment you use to deflect. Normally IMO these develop over time.

For example, I have an accent and when I run training, someone always mentions it. My way of dealing is to look confused and say, "I don't have an accent, all of you have an accent". Doesn't sound funny but it breaks the ice makes it a non-issue.

GhostShip Thu 11-Oct-12 21:58:24

Go for it!

Don't let anything hold you back OP. Your DD should be proud of you, and if she isn't at first she will be for not giving a fuck what people think and doing what you want which is being a bloody good teacher.

purplehouse Thu 11-Oct-12 21:55:52

Your dd might be embarrassed by your choice of clothing or something teenager ish like that but it is unlikely that she will be embarrassed by whatever it is you are worried about. It is more likely that she will put any teasers in their place.

godzuki Thu 11-Oct-12 21:48:11

I was trying to think how we'd have reacted at school to a teacher with a deformity and then it suddenly occurred to me that one of the most popular teachers in the school had a problem with her spine and a very pronounced "hunch". It was mildly interesting to us for about a week as eleven year olds but then it was just part of who she was and we loved her for being a good, kind teacher. I genuinely don't think it's something we ever thought about and it would never have occurred to us that her children would be embarrassed. Be yourself and go for it!

waitingtobeamummy Thu 11-Oct-12 21:48:09

I work in a secondary school and yes they do come up with nicknames, they pick up on things that set you out as different, if their isn't.anything they make things up. However, once you get them on your side they are loyal to the end. They will support you unconditionally with other students, offsted, anything they can. What I'm trying to say is go for it, their are swines but they are swines no matter what you are like!

whathasthecatdonenow Thu 11-Oct-12 21:47:14

Go for it. You need a thick skin for teaching anyway. For those moments when a kid decides to pick on your most vulnerable feature, perfect a quizzical look and ask 'did you mean to be so rude/unkind' and most of the little darlings will get all flustered and shut up. The others will just swear at you and do a runner.

imperialstateknickers Thu 11-Oct-12 21:47:10

Teenagers are permanently embarrassed by their parents all the timegrin.

Quasimodo Thu 11-Oct-12 21:44:22

yeah ace I am ok with it...i dont like it, and it really pisses me off the days it is painful...but no one can say anything about it that would shock/upset me/hurt my feelings or shake me....i just worry that if all the kids are going 'urrgghhh...look at your mum' to dd, she will resent me being in school...

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