I'm not BU but have no idea what to do about this

(32 Posts)
FrenchRuby Sun 07-Oct-12 21:55:26

More of a what would you do.
There's a mum at ds's school that I knew when I was at school, completely random how her kid ended up at the same school as my kid since it's a completely different town!
Anyway, she's kind of clung on to me a bit. We didn't really get on at school but I thought, it's been 8 years, we both would have grown up etc. So we walk up to the school together and back together because she lives 5 mins away from me (down one long road) and I'm getting more and more uncomfortable with this walk.
She's very aggressive towards other people, if someone even brushes past her she starts effing and blinding at them, all I can do is kind of mutter 'I'm so so sorry' when she turns around. I'm not into confrontations at all, I'm quite a shy person and I hate arguing. The other day she decided to get the bus back from school and I said I'd walk so I crossed the road and there were 3 nuns walking towards her and one of them must have brushed past her or something because the next thing I hear is her shouting 'Oh EXCUSE ME, FUCKING RUDE!' She shouted at the nuns!!
She's been banned from the local tesco for being racist towards the cashier. She goes on these long racist rants and looks at me expecting me to agree with her. I do say that I don't agree with her but it doesn't stop her going on these rants.
She shouts at other mums in the playground too. It's embarrassing!
I cant seem to get away from her, as I said we live on the same road and there's no other route home from the school.

Sorry for the long post but I'm really not sure how I can go about this?

AngryBeaver Mon 08-Oct-12 02:42:13

I had a friend like this from school. I realised how horrid and aggresive she was and tried to cut her off. She arrived at my house and started kicking my front door !!shock I later agreed to meet her at a coffee shop to talk to her. I told her that she was rude, aggressive,rasict etc and I couldn't be friends with someone like that. She was very deffensive,then when I wouldn't back down,she cried. Then when I still wouldn't back down,she became verbally agressive,and I said "My point entirely. When I have gone, just play that coversation back to yourself and see whether you think you sound like a nice person,bye bye" drew back my chair and left. She sat there like this shock
You really need to spell it out to this woman. She is dominating you because she knows you will not stand up for yourself.
I am not criticising you, I used to be a walkover too. But however scary it is, you need to challenge her behaviour. She will probably be so shocked that she won't say or do anything at all.
Apart from anything else, yes, the other mums will be wary of becoming friends with you if they think you are ffriends with her...I would!

ICutMyFootOnOccamsRazor Mon 08-Oct-12 02:17:14

Thanks, MayTheOddsBeEver blush.

cheekybarsteward Mon 08-Oct-12 02:08:50

You could tell her that your cousin is married to someone from the ethnic background that she racist about so you find her opinions hurtful. This will have a possible couple of different reactions. Either of them will be an improvement

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour Mon 08-Oct-12 00:43:49

Icut, your username is fab grin

zippey Mon 08-Oct-12 00:26:21

Id also say - dont lie to her. Dont play games. Just tell her the truth of why you dont want to be friends with her. Maybe she will try to change if she values your friendship. That aside, dump her like you would dump an abusive boyfriend.

zippey Mon 08-Oct-12 00:24:31

Sorry Ruby, you will not be able to avoid this woman, and you always be looking over your shoulder if you take this route. Someone told you to "grow a pair" which was a colloquial expresssion, but basically if you want her to stop following you about then you will need to tell her. Maybe give her reasons why you do not want to be friends with her. Do not feel sorry for her. You're main priorities are yourself and your children.

She sounds scary and the kind of person who doesnt take hints. Tell her in a crowded place ala Jerry McGuire.

I do feel sorry for her children though, can social services not take them away?

SoleSource Mon 08-Oct-12 00:16:15

Lol cutmyfoot

ICutMyFootOnOccamsRazor Mon 08-Oct-12 00:13:34

Ugh she sounds monstrous. Get some giant headphones to wear and tell her you're learning Japanese while you walk?

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour Mon 08-Oct-12 00:02:47

She sounds awful!

Maybe you could say you can't talk to her anymore because your DH has become insanely jealous and is convinced you are having an affair with her? wink

Seriously though you are going to have to nip it in the bud before you get dragged in further. You could always say that you can't walk with her because you want to spend that time chatting to your dc and that time is really important to them? If not I think you'll just have to bite the bullet

SoleSource Sun 07-Oct-12 23:54:24

Pretend to be on the phone, or expecting a private call.

Taaadaaa

DoMeDon Sun 07-Oct-12 23:49:36

You do need to assert yourself. Repeat things like a broken record. She will be unpleasant about it to you but it won't kill you and then it will be over.

DoMeDon Sun 07-Oct-12 23:49:07

You do need to assert yourself. Repeat things like a broken record. She will be unpleasant about it to you but it won't kill you and then it will be over.

FrenchRuby Sun 07-Oct-12 23:24:49

I can't bike to school because I have my dd who is in her pushchair still, that's another thing! She always dumps her shopping and her ds's school bag, lunchbox etc on my pushchair, drives me up the wall. I did say to her once could she not do that because I had a bad back and it was heavy and she glared at me and walked off...
Maybe if I just said that everyday haha!

LastMangoInParis Sun 07-Oct-12 23:17:34

Is it possible for you to talk to one of the other mums about it?
It sounds as if you need to enlist some help. and from what you say about her behaviour, nobody would think you were strange, rude or pathetic to want to not be around her. I think someone would help you out if you pointed out that she's latched on to you, she's scary and out of order, and asked them if they could stick around for a bit so you don't get left with her.

berri Sun 07-Oct-12 23:17:21

Could you start taking a bike to school? One which DS could go on too? Then you could just get on and leave when you want?

berri Sun 07-Oct-12 23:16:19

I feel for you - I know it's not easy when people are confrontational. Maybe could you say that your DS has started to get scared of raised voices or being around lots of other people, and then drag him home early?

Or say you're going to practise spelling, times tables or something (don't know how old your DS is) on the journeys to and from school so you'd prefer to do it just the two of you? Could even say it was suggested by a teacher to help him in class?

pictish Sun 07-Oct-12 23:15:52

Nightmare situation!! How unlucky you are!

HolyAutumnGoldBatman Sun 07-Oct-12 23:14:11

You're going to have to move or hope she does. It's so hard to shake people like that off because it's a nightmare when they like you, but it will be 1000 times worse if you tell her you don't like her.

LastMangoInParis Sun 07-Oct-12 23:11:39

You might have to get a bit inventive.
When you see her heading your way, get into intense conversation with someone. And move away. They'll understand. Also, it will let you make an excuse, if necessary.

LastMangoInParis Sun 07-Oct-12 23:10:10

You're gonna have to edge with them, Ruby.

FrenchRuby Sun 07-Oct-12 23:05:44

I did try and stand with some of the other mums but she comes over anyway and starts her usual ranting about something or other and they slowly edge away....

LastMangoInParis Sun 07-Oct-12 23:02:06

You poor thing, Ruby. She sounds quite scary and really unpleasant. I can see why you wouldn't want to be confrontational with her.

Have you tried latching on to a group when she's around? If others won't put up with her then you'll probably find protection there, and I'm sure others will appreciate that you need to get away from her.

Apart from that, just avoid, avoid, avoid! She sounds horrible.

FrenchRuby Sun 07-Oct-12 22:59:47

Because I can't get away from her! She follows me around :/
I realise that I am coming across as quite pathetic but she is quite scary!

HollaAtMeBaby Sun 07-Oct-12 22:56:40

Think you need to choose between growing a pair and having everyone assume that you're as bad as she is. If you hate confrontation, why are you going about with someone who loves it?

FrenchRuby Sun 07-Oct-12 22:32:02

I think she clings on to me because I'm the only one that will put up with it. I admit I am a pushover, I hate confrontation so much. I always end up having to apologise for her after she's walked off, I'm really worried people will think I'm like that because she's always hanging around me, but I'm not at all.
I will try being really boring haha, I hope it works.

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