That I should switch my kids school (long, sorry)

(80 Posts)

This is causing major angst in our house, arguments between me and other half.

I haven't been happy with my kids school for ages. DS is at nursery, DC is in Year 1.

In FS2 last year, my DC's first teacher was there from September to March. She was pregnant got really aggression with some of the kids as she got further along. Myself and the other Mums were very happy to see her go.

Replaced with another teacher who she has now, who is hit and miss. One minute she is fine with us parent's next she's not. She is very negative and doesn't exactly point out what the children are good at, more dwells on what they are not. I also found the end of term report to be error filled, such as her Maths report, she is pretty good at maths but it said she wasn't and needs lots of help (not my expereince). One of the other Mums put it right when she said she felt the teacher has "favorites" and the others tend to fade into the background.

Anyway, she constantly blames my daughter for things. She pulled me up in front of the other parents last term as my daughter was reported to have bitten another child. Very out of character, so asked DC what happened. DC was in floods of tears, apparently this girl and another had been slapping and kicking her on and off all day, so she reacted to get them to stop. Wrong, of course, but the bruising all over my DC was disgraceful. I asked if she had explained and was told the teacher kept telling her to shut up. One of the other girl's Mums actually went in to explain what had happened with me, as she had asked her daughter what had happened and her daughter felt bad (that's how loud she was about talking to me).

There is a serious racism problem as well, my DC's Poppy was ripped off by an Asian girl and she stamped on it telling my DC she shouldn't wear it. I reported this and it was laughed off.

Today, DC home in tears, DP very cross. Apparently, same teacher (they moved up with her, I'd have preferred other class) has brought some supposedly "precious" book on Origami in, and showed the class, allowing them to pass it round whilst the origami pop ups were out (its apparently like a pop up book). This is a bunch of 5 years olds, remember.

DC has been shouted at and dragged to the head as she has reportedly "screwed up" one of the figures. She now doesn't want to go back to school. We are being called in to tomorrow about it. Over a book.

I asked for DCs side, as I always do. Teachers aren't infallible. This teacher has proved before she can't be trusted to get both sides when she gets angry. According to my DC, she was handed not the book, but the book via the figure, so of course with it being delicate, its perished. No one asked this though.

I am livid. She is 5, she has been in Year 1 for a matter of weeks, and if this book was so precious, surely the teacher should have showed it the class rather than leaving it to very young children? Especially as its delicate.

Not only that, DS is a 28 weeker, has ongoing health issues, and damp weather upsets this. They took him on knowing this and have driven me mad, demanding doctors letters about his condition so they can gain "additional funding". But my son needs no adaptions for the class room or extra help whatsoever. No matter how many times I ask that he doesn't go outdoors in the bad weather, they refuse to do this, as "they cannot make an example of on child". Last week he was left out in the rain, after they'd removed his jumper- queue visit to A+E over the weekend when he became so ill he could hardly breathe. They also allowed him to wet his pants last week, as they refused to undo his button for him.

They wouldn't allow his to go up to FS2 with his peers in September as he had time off due to illness (which they contributed to with their silly rules on constant outdoor play), but when you bear in mind Nursery isn't compulsory, this really makes me cross.

DP doesn't agree and has banned me from going to this meeting tomorrow. I am to the point of going to Ofsted over the treatment of the children.

Whats the general consensus?

SoldeInvierno Fri 05-Oct-12 08:44:52

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I have given them letters, I've given them letters at every stage, and, as an extra as they requested it, I gave them the contact details for the GP and Consultant as well. I didn't fell I should, but the HT makes me feel thick tbh, she just comes across as patronising, she kind of talks to us parent's the same way as she does the children, who are all Infant age (they go elsewhere at 7).

I want to reiterate, I'm not a pushy Mum, I'm not expecting to be treated like royalty. I also laughed at the allegation of being a "gossipy Mum"- I don't know many Mum's who don't discuss the teachers with each other, its not gossip its a case of you ask out of politeness "how is xx child doing?" and a conversation will ensue on the teacher they have, what they like and what they don't like about the school.

blueskysinking have you even read what I have written? You're talking about a completely different scenario to mine! I suggest reading what has been said before coming up with your own version.

ScarlettsMummy2 no, I don't wish to get into prep v state either, however, you made a flippant remark which was totally uncalled for and laughable as the Mum of a prep school child. I have said, repeatedly, that I am far from of the belief that my DCs are perfect. They are normal kids, they have their moments. What I do not appreciate though is a teacher who has left my DD not wanting to go to school when she absolutely loved it before. She is now frightened to go in today, again, as this Teacher's own Mum (who brought the book back from China) is coming in today. She has been told that this lady will "not be happy" with her. That imo is emotional blackmail. She was very upset all night. I have had to reassure her that, should this woman take it upon herself to admonish my DD, I shall be taking it further, as she is there as a guest of the school.

I have repeatedly asked what happened with the book to be told Child S (who handed it to her) did so incorrectly. Yet child S is getting off scot free.

Another thing I will be raising with the HT, as my DP has now agreed I should go- he was cross last night, he's not a fan of "playground politics" and even less of a fan of this teacher barking at him regarding the incident at pick up time last night- is that this same teacher has an attitude towards "looking after your own belongings".

DD has had 3 PE kits stolen in 3 weeks, yet her excuse is that my DD should "keep a better eye on it". Its left in a cloakroom which is open to whoever wants to go in, and right by the school toilet where they are unsupervised. Despite it having her name on (pointless- if a child wishes to steal, they can simply rip out the name tag), it is my DDs fault and I am now left having to buy the fourth kit of the school term (they returned under a month ago).

Its all well and good to have this attitude when it is DDs belongings- then as an adult, she should follow her own bloody rule- it was her book, she should take responsibility for her own things.

As regards the Ofsted, the school is highly rated, but this is why I am firmly in support of the suggestion school's should not be pre-warned regarding inspections. I recall my own (secondary) school having a major clean up and sending kids naughty away for the week when it went on. Its easy to manipulate.
We have lived in this area for a few years, and had to be guided by these reports when picking schools.

SoldeInvierno did you read what she said first? I reacted to that. So sue me.

tiggytape Fri 05-Oct-12 09:11:36

I have had to reassure her that, should this woman take it upon herself to admonish my DD, I shall be taking it further, as she is there as a guest of the school.

I have repeatedly asked what happened with the book to be told Child S (who handed it to her) did so incorrectly. Yet child S is getting off scot free.

You have no idea what happened with the book. For all you know your DD broke it on purpose. The teacher's reaction would seem to show that she believes this to be the case - they don't call in parents of 4 year olds over accidental damage - with such young children clumsiness is normal and accepted but deliberately ruining something isn't.
Young children are also not known for their willingness to 'fess up' especially when faced with a parent who repeatedly questions them over and over again (as you say you have done). Of course the child will seek to deflect your very obvious anger back on the school rather than admit to you what happened.

You have some genuine complaints and I don't doubt you feel cross that these have not been addressed. I hope those issues would not arise elsewhere but your attitude to your DD's behaviour (blind assumption she is innocent or provoked or a scapegoat) is not going to help her or you whichever school you send her to. She has possibly behaved very badly on this occasion and you quizzing her over and over again at home to try to find someone else to blame or another angle makes you seem unreasonable and unwilling to accept her faults which may also be what the school has tried to convey.

Brycie Fri 05-Oct-12 10:43:22

Sounds awful', don't forget to take a notebook today for the meeting, they scare teachers.

All I have done tiggytape is what the school should have done and asked her for her side. I haven't shouted at her, I am far from angry with her. I don't excuse her behaviour if she is the one at fault, but for the teacher just to bark at my DP that they have made an appointment with the HT about it, and to not explain what happened, just that a "precious and sentimental" book of hers has been damaged, of course its not right at all.

I would question if she even saw what happened, or whether, as previously, she has just taken the word of another pupil. If that should be the case, then that's wrong. You can't say one child's version is better than the others.

I just feel the school has bigger issues than a book. I know my DD, she has her moments but I've never known her to deliberately break something- accidently, yes, deliberately, no.

As I keep saying, I have tried so hard to work with the school over the issues with my DS, I'm not responsible for them deciding to ignore a simple request. I often feel that I the minute I walk out the door, they do the opposite of what has been asked. They aren't being asked to give him medication, or specialist help, just to use common sense that has come as a request from his Consultant, the GP and myself several times.

I don't feel its fair that the c#school are making such a mammoth issue of what is an accident with a book that, should it be that precious that a teacher loses it and reduces my DD to a nervous wreck should have been handled by the teacher.

tiggytape Fri 05-Oct-12 12:44:14

If the letters you have sent are from the consultant and actually state DS must not be in the playground during damp weather then that is all you can do and the school should respond to that.
A lot of parents hand over a diagnosis which isn't good enough - the school needs explicit instructions from a professional about what the child is restricted from doing in order to fund changes. The letter must say about playtime needs and if yours does, the school are wrong to badger you over this.
If however it isn't explicitly stated, it may be common sense but it costs money to arrange and the school needs proof in order to access that money. They aren't being obstructive - schools have a tough time getting extra money and have to justify absolutely everything.

The book thing is unfortunate. Children can behave very badly at school and very well at home (for a lot of children they are horrors at home and angels as school). It isn't enough for you to say you know your child is innocent because this isn't like her. You need to listen to what the teacher says. If she didn't witness the incident then that's one thing but if she did, it is quite another to insist you still don't believe it.

Aside from all of this though - you obviously do not have much faith in the school. If a teacher said my DD wrecked a book on purpose I would be very surprised because she's not destructive like that but without a doubt I would still believe the teacher as I trust the staff at school and know they're not malicious. You don't feel that way. I hope you are able to move and I hope you get off to a better start somewhere else as realistically nothing you or the school can do now is going to change your mind that they somehow have it in for you.

advisemewisely Fri 05-Oct-12 16:08:26

have you looked at differnt schools in the area? how do they measure up?

Right, just got in from meeting.

HT was more concerned that DD has been upset since she has gone back. I raised the point that, frankly this book should not have casually been left with the children but (and I saw the book) could have quite easily have been shown at the front by the teacher at reading time. Especially with teachers attitude that children as young as 5 should be responsible for their own belongings.

HT agreed shock said the matter was closed as far as she's concerned, and that she should have "practiced more sense and better class room management" than to let a valuable and sentimental book be left unattended.

She then asked if DD has voiced any reason as to why she has become unhappy at school, the usual is everything OK at home one as well (which it is). I told her about DD's upset regarding being punched and kicked by other children (or two specific boys), and that because she becomes loudly upset and cries a lot, she is seen as the protagonist.

HT was very concerned at this, explained teacher had mentioned she is disruptive and tearful, although agreed this is not her view of my DD at all.

I agreed that, obviously if she goes a little OTT about being accidently knocked, then fine, but when she has told the teacher that she has been punched and she is told to shut up, its not acceptable. Also said I wasn't a fan of the emotional blackmail of her Mum coming to school and not being "happy" with my DD was highly unacceptable, and HT relayed that should that be the case, this would be swiftly dealt with. I've now heard teacher went mental at her in front of the other kids and that DD became hysterical, and was very scared indeed. HT had apparently told teacher that her handling was not acceptable at all.

Anyway, told the matter of the book was closed, DD came in and was chatted to by HT about being punched and told to come and talk to her if she felt upset or ignored, again shock from us both!

So, end of school day, I go round to class and have a word with a couple of other Mums, their children have been abused by the two boys my DD mentioned, so its clearly an issue, as one has gone into speak with teacher who she felt palmed it off as playground incident and of no importance, despite this awful child telling her son "I know where you live and am coming to beat you up" before punching him full in the face. Lovely child.

DD comes out, I resolve not to speak with teacher- have been told book matter is closed. She makes big thing in front of other parent's of saying about the book and she's looking up the cost of replacing (HT said we were under no obligation to replace due to teachers lack of judgement). So I turn to go.

I then get set upon by her Mother! Has a right go in front of others about her "precious irreplaceable book" so I calmly suggest that the matter has been dealt with and the HT agrees the book should not, considering this value, have been left with the children. I walked away as my DD visibly began shaking.

One of the other Mums (hive of all gossip and PTA, she's the Patty Simcox of Mothers and drives the rest of insane) asks what the kerfuffle is about. The teacher's Mum proceeds to call my daughter an "awful, horrible little creature" who ""vandalised a precious book" as she is "absolutely the worst in the class".

Well, I kept calm, no idea how. I waited for the gossipy mum to come out and asked what was said to be told "oh nothing, we do the cake baking together". Bloody liar.

So, now DD is scared again, she doesn't want to go into teacher's class, and has heard her teacher's mother be verbally abusive about her to other Mothers (which no doubt will be round the playground by close of Monday such is this woman's ability to spread rumor- she should work for Heat magazine frankly).

So, we will pay for the book, to shove it up this horrible old bats backside frankly. Will make sure she is not allowed anywhere unsupervised with my DD.

Have also been promised that DS will be kept indoors, as its been an oversight that he hasn't been.

Anonymumous Fri 05-Oct-12 16:54:47

shock shock shock

My God, if I was you I would be straight back in to see the Headteacher to complain about those comments, AND I would write to the Governors to complain as well - that is APPALLING. Please don't pay for the book - why should you give in when it's been established that the teacher was at fault?

Floggingmolly Fri 05-Oct-12 16:57:30

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I would tell the head on Monday the parents comments as they were on school grounds.

Is school one class per year only? Can dd be moved to another class as head is supportive?

If not tbh I would move as I wouldn't want to endure a year waiting for something to happen.

Flogging I think OP means mother of the book child not teachers mum.

MsElisaDay Fri 05-Oct-12 17:08:25

Eh? The teacher's mother? Is that what you meant, OP?
If so, what was the teacher's mother doing on the school premises?
This is getting very weird all of a sudden.

advisemewisely Fri 05-Oct-12 17:16:41

I'm confused...the teachers mum?? What did pta gossip mum say?

RinkyDinkyDoo Fri 05-Oct-12 17:58:38

and then the school groundsman arrived. He looked seductively at the OP, slowly removed his tight white t-shirt to reveal a toned and smooth body. He strode purposefully over to the OP, scooped her into his muscly arms and carried her away from all the madness and nasty shrews that were on the playground.

Yes, I do mean the teacher's Mum.

She apparently goes in to help. Although not sure why.

I will be going in to speak with the HT again. Its wholly unacceptable that she should voice what is a private matter between myself, the teacher (her dd) and the HT with other parents.

WilsonFrickett Fri 05-Oct-12 18:10:55

I would be asking to see the teacher's mother's CRB check and enquiring under exactly what basis she is 'helping out'. Most of our parents don't 'help out' at our work. That's just weird.

Sorry flogging I stand corrected.

The teachers mum was verbally abusive about your dd on the playground and you didn't march to office there and then to see head?

I agree, it is a ridiculous situation. I felt so much better on leaving the heads office, that she had listened and was shocked she agreed the teacher should have used more sense considering her attachment to the book.

It was only when I left that it went downhill- I had no idea the teacher's Mum had anything to do with the school, I was under the impression she was there this morning as a one off as they have been doing International Week and she is well traveled (apparently). I've never set eyes on her before.

I can understand her being upset by the damage to the book, but what she called my daughter to gossipy Mum suggests her and her daughter have discussed my DD and Teacher has clearly said some quite untrue things in anger about my DD. As the HT said, she is a kind child and usually well behaved, just a bit noisy when she has been bumped, hit or punched.

I will want an apology from this old bat, it took every ounce of strength for me not to really lose it with her. She clearly has no sound judgement and her words were designed to hurt. I will ask that she be removed from the volunteers list, even if I have to take her bloody place!

I was shocked tbh, I probably should have done but I couldn't actually believe she could be so rude about DD. Again, DD is not perfect, but far from worst in class- in fact its genuinely a lovely class bar two boys who are overly handy about hitting and punching, the rest are nice kids. If my DD hadn't of been there, I would have marched straight up to her and then seen the HT, but it was peeing it down with rain, DD had her furry coat on and my brolly had snapped so I just wanted to get her home after what was quite a hard day for her, what with HT seeing her again with me, and her not getting her own way over bunking off.

Littlefish Fri 05-Oct-12 18:20:22

I'm sorry, but I don't believe you.

Why? I wish it wasn't the case but it is

DeWe Fri 05-Oct-12 20:08:43

And the way you call "gossipy mum" but you "So, end of school day, I go round to class and have a word with a couple of other Mums, their children have been abused by the two boys"

If that's not gossipy mum material, I don't know what is? It's okay for you to gossip about others, but not others to talk about you?

Another one who hmm at the apparent HT remarks.

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