That I should switch my kids school (long, sorry)

(80 Posts)

This is causing major angst in our house, arguments between me and other half.

I haven't been happy with my kids school for ages. DS is at nursery, DC is in Year 1.

In FS2 last year, my DC's first teacher was there from September to March. She was pregnant got really aggression with some of the kids as she got further along. Myself and the other Mums were very happy to see her go.

Replaced with another teacher who she has now, who is hit and miss. One minute she is fine with us parent's next she's not. She is very negative and doesn't exactly point out what the children are good at, more dwells on what they are not. I also found the end of term report to be error filled, such as her Maths report, she is pretty good at maths but it said she wasn't and needs lots of help (not my expereince). One of the other Mums put it right when she said she felt the teacher has "favorites" and the others tend to fade into the background.

Anyway, she constantly blames my daughter for things. She pulled me up in front of the other parents last term as my daughter was reported to have bitten another child. Very out of character, so asked DC what happened. DC was in floods of tears, apparently this girl and another had been slapping and kicking her on and off all day, so she reacted to get them to stop. Wrong, of course, but the bruising all over my DC was disgraceful. I asked if she had explained and was told the teacher kept telling her to shut up. One of the other girl's Mums actually went in to explain what had happened with me, as she had asked her daughter what had happened and her daughter felt bad (that's how loud she was about talking to me).

There is a serious racism problem as well, my DC's Poppy was ripped off by an Asian girl and she stamped on it telling my DC she shouldn't wear it. I reported this and it was laughed off.

Today, DC home in tears, DP very cross. Apparently, same teacher (they moved up with her, I'd have preferred other class) has brought some supposedly "precious" book on Origami in, and showed the class, allowing them to pass it round whilst the origami pop ups were out (its apparently like a pop up book). This is a bunch of 5 years olds, remember.

DC has been shouted at and dragged to the head as she has reportedly "screwed up" one of the figures. She now doesn't want to go back to school. We are being called in to tomorrow about it. Over a book.

I asked for DCs side, as I always do. Teachers aren't infallible. This teacher has proved before she can't be trusted to get both sides when she gets angry. According to my DC, she was handed not the book, but the book via the figure, so of course with it being delicate, its perished. No one asked this though.

I am livid. She is 5, she has been in Year 1 for a matter of weeks, and if this book was so precious, surely the teacher should have showed it the class rather than leaving it to very young children? Especially as its delicate.

Not only that, DS is a 28 weeker, has ongoing health issues, and damp weather upsets this. They took him on knowing this and have driven me mad, demanding doctors letters about his condition so they can gain "additional funding". But my son needs no adaptions for the class room or extra help whatsoever. No matter how many times I ask that he doesn't go outdoors in the bad weather, they refuse to do this, as "they cannot make an example of on child". Last week he was left out in the rain, after they'd removed his jumper- queue visit to A+E over the weekend when he became so ill he could hardly breathe. They also allowed him to wet his pants last week, as they refused to undo his button for him.

They wouldn't allow his to go up to FS2 with his peers in September as he had time off due to illness (which they contributed to with their silly rules on constant outdoor play), but when you bear in mind Nursery isn't compulsory, this really makes me cross.

DP doesn't agree and has banned me from going to this meeting tomorrow. I am to the point of going to Ofsted over the treatment of the children.

Whats the general consensus?

YouMayLogOut Thu 04-Oct-12 16:12:37

Keep a diary of everything that happens.

The normal procedure is that you start by discussing your concerns with the teacher. Then continue to the head, and escalate to the governors, county council and OFSTED if necessary.

Thank you. I know by no stretch of the imagination that my DC is perfect and never naughty, of course she isn't. But I just cannot fathom who gives a precious book to a bunch of five year olds- she is a Mum herself, and their are kids in the class with special needs of all sorts who could have dropped it or handled it wrong too.

Narked Thu 04-Oct-12 16:19:57

Move them.

This much hassle this early? Not worth it.

financialwizard Thu 04-Oct-12 16:21:44

I would go to the meeting but I would try and take someone impartial with me. Then I would be making a complaint to the head if I felt so inclined. I am a bit of a hot head though, so instead of making an appointment with the head I would initially write. Then I can vent my frustrations far more eloquently.

NopofacehaveI Thu 04-Oct-12 16:26:38

I would be going to head->governors ->Ofsted whether you move them or not.

And as an ex teaching staff yes children with known medical conditions can be kept in in circumstances as described and usually a friend can stay in with them too.

I have similar issues and was made to stand out in the snow with no coat by a dinner lady. She was sacked as she was fully aware and just plain nasty. sad

lunar1 Thu 04-Oct-12 16:35:45

I was bullied by a teacher, I would honestly move them.

catwomanlikesmeatballs Thu 04-Oct-12 17:00:22

I'd move them before your children's confidence (and your sons health!) is affected in the long term. yadnbu, do what's best for your kids. Complain to ofsted about their behaviour and make sure the school is aware that you are leaving due to the bullying of your daughter by an idiot teacher and endangerment to your sons health and the effects that has had on his education.

These people need to be held accountable.

cansu Thu 04-Oct-12 17:05:41

I would move them. You don't support the teacher, can't believe your dc could do anything wrong and dislike at least two of the teachers your dc have had. I am sure the school will be very upset at your departure.

cansu I would be more than happy to support the staff if they acted in a pleasant manner that one would expect from an adult towards a child of between 4 (as DC was when she started) and 5 and a half (as she is now). I'm far from the only Mum with concerns. I know that one of the children who DC was great friends with last year was due to be in her class this year, however her Mum refused to let her stay in the same class with the same teacher due to the teacher's "attitude problem" (her words, not mine). Same with another child from the same class.

I have quite clearly said I know my DC is far from perfect, she is 5 after all and learning her boundaries. But to bring in a book which has any form of sentimental of monetary value and then thrust it, unsupervised, onto a bunch of five year olds strikes me as a massive error of judgement- hence why all my books are on a high shelf where she cannot reach them. She also was so angry by what happened that, rather than ask as she should have done what happened, she blamed it all on my daughter. She has left her not wanting to go to school.

As for the previous teacher, the comment came from a class room assistant, as I said I felt suddenly DC was doing so much better. That was her reaction, that the former teacher had let her "pregnancy hormones" get in the way of good teaching.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Thu 04-Oct-12 17:20:25

Tbh, I think a class of five year olds should be able to handle a book carefully, and I work in one.

And I think yabvu to say that your child doesn't need extra funding when you want him to be treated differently to all the other children. Who exactly is supposed to supervise him when he stays in? The teachers who are on their unpaid lunch break or the lunchtime staff that have enough other children to supervise?

This sounds like a story that has three sides to it, yours, the teachers and the truth. If you're not happy with the school, then move. But you sound like you won't be happy wherever you go.

LadySybildeChocolate Thu 04-Oct-12 17:27:53

That's a bit harsh, Freddos!

If you're this unhappy with the school then I'd look elsewhere. Your children's health and safety is paramount, and it doesn't take a minute to help a child unfasten a button. It sounds as though the relationship between you and the school has broken down, and it's vital that parents can get along with the teachers who are caring for their children. I wouldn't be happy with this situation either.

cansu Thu 04-Oct-12 17:36:00

1 Your dd bit someone, according to you it was in retaliation so it wasn't her fault.
2 the school is racist because another child stamped on your dd poppy. Quite a big allegation to make based on this one incident.
3 a precious book was passed around and your dd damaged it. Again it wasn't her fault it was the way it was handed to her plus the teachers fault for bringing something precious in.
4 your ds needs to stay in when it is cold but you don't want to provide the school with any medical info as it is unnecessary that he has special treatment but then he didnt get special treatment and became ill and that is their fault.
Agree that there is probably another side to all these stories and that it isn't quite as straight forward as you are portraying it to be. I think you should move schools.

Floggingmolly Thu 04-Oct-12 17:39:28

It is a bit OTT, though, Lady.
A serious racism problem? Your dd's poppy was "ripped off" by another 5 year old?
Your DS was "left out in the rain"? How?
5 year olds can't be trusted to treat books with respect, this is why yours are kept on a high shelf at home? (why are you so certain she didn't damage the book, if you don't trust her near any of yours?)
And to cap it all, your DH has banned you going to a meeting to sort it all out?
They'll probably be glad to see the back of you.

LadySybildeChocolate Thu 04-Oct-12 17:41:55

You are right, molly. As I said, you have a relationship with the school and the teachers who are caring for your children. Once this has deteriorated it's pointless keeping your child there.

I've given one example of the rasicm problem. The same girl told my DC on more than one ocassion that she was a "nasty white girl" and that her dad had told her not to be nice to DC and the other childen as "white children are dirty and nasty". Also reported this to school. My DS nose was broken when a boy in his nursery pushed him down the stairs because he was " a smelly white boy".
I have cooperated with the school regards my DS health. I just expect them to do the same. I know one child from DCs class moved schools as his mum felt they lacked the necessary training and compassion to teach him. They are money orientated. Simple as that. The children all get taken out supposedly to learn outdoor education. But all they do is use the climbing frames and cars. There are 6 nursery staff and 20 children. How they feel its acceptable to send any children in the rain is beyond me. They moan regarding attendance but then send them outdoors.
I really resent some of the comments here, especially towards my DC.
I came here for advice

redexpat Thu 04-Oct-12 18:54:18

I mean this in the nicest possible way, but if you came here for advice, AIBU might not be the best forum. From reading your posts I would say YABU for not providing the medical info that they need re going outside. But the rest I would say YANBU. As others ahve said, Head, Governors, Ofsted. Would it be possible to move DD to the other class?

honeytea Thu 04-Oct-12 19:03:14

I think you should go along to the meeting about the book, I don't think it is bad to have slightly delicate things with small children, I teach little kids around your DC's ages and I expect at 5 they know how to handle things without breaking them. If the book was mistakenly broken then your DD needs to say sorry and the teacher needs to accept that, maybe the issue was more about how DD reacted to the situation.

The racism sounds really really bad I hope they start to do something to deal with that. I wonder if it was the other way and it was white children being racist to others if they would take it more seriously.

Playing outside won't make most children ill, there is no reason why being outside would make the attendance lower for the children without specific medical issues. I really feel like if you want them to make special plans for your DC you should provide the info they need. There is nothig wrong with rain, if UK kids didn't play outside in the rain they would spend more than half the year inside! I live in a country where kids play (and sleep) outside in snow and -15.

Could you send your son to school in pull up trousers? It isn't really ideal to have a child in clothes they can't undo themselfs. One of my ost traumatic childhood memories is being "stuck" in dungerees and wetting myself.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Thu 04-Oct-12 19:04:06

You sound like you know very little about early years education OP. children don't melt in the rain. A problem with taking children out in rain only occurs if parents don't dress their child appropriately or provide the right stuff.

WilsonFrickett Thu 04-Oct-12 19:09:16

If your son needs to stay in then they need to provide supervision for him. Which means it needs to be funded. Have you given them the information they've asked for regarding his medical issues?

That said, it sounds like the relationship between you and school has broken down completely. I'd move.

I can assure you i know how to dress my children.
I have provided the medical information requested. DS has lung conditions, and damp weather does effect thes conditions.
I have gone out of my way to work with the school and my worry is whether they even gave her oppotunity to say sorry. The reason i wouldn't have given the children the book was purely as it apparently had sentimental value. I have anything like this out of reach and have done since she was a baby. I think the teacher has totally over reacted and it makes it worse that other worse things happen and the parents of these children are not called in.

tiggytape Thu 04-Oct-12 19:23:06

You are right to be upset by some issues (a broken nose as the result of being shoved downstairs is not on) but on other issues, you are being overly defensive towards your DD (she would not be treated any differently anywhere else regarding biting a child or breaking a precious book - both would result in a severe telling off even at her young age) and overly obstructive about DS (you want him kept inside which requires extra staff time but won' t help the school get the funds to pay for this by supplying medical advice that says he cannot go out).
Outdoor play and high expectations of behaviour are common to all schools and you will encounter them wherever you move to but I agree, it does sound like you and the school are at a total stalemate now so maybe you should look elsewhere.

honeytea Thu 04-Oct-12 19:23:44

It could well be more than just the book, maybe there was other things that happened in the lead up to the book getting broken, maybe the teacher is just making a fuss but it seems unlikely to me that she would want to take her own time to call parents in to tell them their child accidently broke a book. If you go along and she says your child accidently broke a book you can say well she is 5 and accidents happen. Maybe you could ask your DD to draw a picture as way of saying sorry.

It wasn't that I don't think your DS is effected by damp weather it was that you said that they had attendance issues and they were made worse by sending the kids outside, A child in wellies, raincoat, rain trousers and a rain hat will be fine in rain. There is infact research that shows kids catch less colds and tummy upsets if they spend lots of time outside, the enclosed space is what makes people ill in the winters not the cold weather.

littlestressy Thu 04-Oct-12 19:24:01

You're not happy and neither are your children. Move schools.

downtonscullery Thu 04-Oct-12 20:10:23

YANBU.

I would change schools. Tomorrow. What's stopping you?

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