to think it's unsociable to let kids scream their heads off in restaurants

(112 Posts)
sarahseashell Wed 03-Oct-12 12:35:33

... without even making some effort to suggest that they keep the noise down confused
I'm not talking about the odd noise but when mums happily chatting/ talking on mobile while their kids are screaming rraaaahhhhh stampeding over the chairs and generally ruining the whole thing for everyone else in there, why can't the mums just explain that there are some places it's fine to do that (eg park) and some where you could keep a bit quieter.

teaching their children to be inconsiderate IMO
<dons hard hat>

CailinDana Wed 03-Oct-12 12:37:53

YANBU to an extent but at the same time I think if you go out in public you have to accept you're going to come up against other people who won't necessarily fit your ideals. You just have to let things like this go, IMO. I would rather mums were happily chatting and kids were a bit loud and having fun than see a poor mum distracted by trying to keep a lively child quiet. Live and let live.

BupcakesAndCunting Wed 03-Oct-12 12:38:25

YANBU

There was a screamer last night when I took my mum and DS out for dinner. His parents AND grandparents made zilch effort to quieten him, THEN he approached our table and started talking to us about five times. Wouldn't you say "Come on little FontaineBleu, those people are eating, come and sit back down" rather than smile benignly and continue eating your own dinner?

Broken Britain.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Wed 03-Oct-12 12:38:58

YANBU! I don't even let my DS and the children I childmind (either at school or sleeping at moment!!) scream at soft play! In fact, I dropped DS off at a party on Saturday in a village hall, and the girls were screaming as if their lives depended on it. If it were my kid's party, there would have been NO screaming! Talkly loudly, laughing, even the odd raised voice, and most certainly running around with a bit of over excitement thrown in, but that incessant bloody ear piercing screaming - NO NO NO!

MoreBeta Wed 03-Oct-12 12:43:59

YANBU - letting kids scream, run around and disturb neighbouring tables without stopping it is just downright rude. Those naice middle class parents with crystal children are the ones who get my hardest stares.

AlfalfaMum Wed 03-Oct-12 12:47:42

YANBU at all.
Our DD 3 was one off these types, and we abandoned a few meals before giving up on bringing her out for meals. She's ok now, but there is no way I'd have expected fellow diners to sit through her shrieks.

Lend us your hard hat sarah, I agree with you. I always have books , crayons, small toys etc to keep DS amused, in my handbag, and it's so frustrating watching him picking up the behaviour of some kid who's allowed to maraude around the restaurant when he isn't. You can't jsut tell a toddler "it's because I expect better from you" however close to the truth that is.

KillerRack Wed 03-Oct-12 12:51:17

YANBU/YABU

If they are completely ignoring a child screaming then fair enough, but if you're just a bit intolerant than YABU.
Its interesting how loud tables of adults bellowing in restaurants aren't treat with the same distain.

marjproops Wed 03-Oct-12 12:51:47

YANBU. can understand if it's say, McDonalds or something, but not a restaurant. think rezzys should provide a play area for kids if anything, or these people who'd rather chat on their phones (while sitting at a table eating??? bad manners) than give attention to the kids shouldnt take them there. If anyones got boisterous kids maybe they should be taken to a park first and tire them out a bit and work up an appetite, then maybe theyd sit still. I mean, do they do that in their own houses? we were in a rezz once and there was one that ran around, stopped at our table and stuck their mitts in my grub!!! partner had right go at them but of course then the loving parents came and showed the 1 way street sign and FO. told managment but they wouldnt do anything so we walked out and said we werent paying for our meal!!!

babybythesea Wed 03-Oct-12 12:52:48

Can I just say, for those who hate screamers, have a bit of sympathy for those of us who have them and can't stop them?!
DD is a screamer when she gets excited.
So far, we've been lucky in restaurants and the like because she's not allowed to run around and therefore doesn't get excited and start screaming. If she did, we'd go.
But in places like soft play, she does.
I have tried everything - we've done time outs, I've tried ignoring it, I've tried rewarding when she doesn't, I've taken her home .... the reality is that when she's running around her laughing can tip into screaming. I hate it but I've run out of ideas that work. I don't think she even realises (she's 3).
Those who say "I don't let them" - what's the trick?

TheCraicDealer Wed 03-Oct-12 12:53:17

This is something I wonder about parenting, as I have no kids of my own- does it get to a certain point where you stop noticing how much noise your own kids make? That's the only reason I can think of why some people continue to work away at their dinner whilst their children are making merry hell in some restaurants I've been to.

On the other hand, I was once in Pizza Hut when a couple came in with their tiny, tiny newborn who started crying incessantly. They looked increasingly embarrassed before eventually leaving without even ordering drinks. I felt so bad for them, wanted to give them some of my deep-pan farmhouse.

Sallyingforth Wed 03-Oct-12 12:57:20

Yep. I had the same problem yesterday. Met a friend for a quiet lunch in a pub and had a family sit at the next table. The child definitely didn't want to be there and made his feelings known for an hour. The parents just ignored the noise and inconvenience he was causing to the whole room.

BeatTheClock Wed 03-Oct-12 12:57:38

Yadnbu.

I have endless sympathy with anyone dealing with screamers or tantrumers providing they are trying to deal with it.

Persistant loud screamers in say a restaurant need to vacate.

BlueberryHill Wed 03-Oct-12 13:02:14

TheCraic, you do stop noticing / tune it out to some extent, or you'd be forever stressed or hassled if you didn't. However, I don't think that your children should impact on other people in restaurants and stop them from enjoying their hard earned meal.

Children shouldn't run around in restaurants or disturb other people, we have the odd shout but ours are usually well behaved. We distract them as much as possible, we have 3 small ones so it does take some doing. If they are getting fractious we finish as quickly as possible. I have sympathy with other parents if their child is being difficult so long as they are making a good effort at distracting them etc.

sarahseashell Wed 03-Oct-12 13:06:10

I totally agree - tons of sympathy where the parents are making an effort/aware - just genuinely confused by those who make no attempt to even suggest to their child they might pipe down/stop running around/get off the table etc - to be fair to the children they are unlikely to think this for themselves so if it was politely pointed out to them they were told to shut up they might stop. I just can't understand being oblivious to the point of complete lack of concern for anyone else tbh

Iodine Wed 03-Oct-12 13:18:21

What pisses me off is when I go out for dinner at 9pm to avoid children and there are tiny toddlers in there crying and screaming because 9pm is too late to have a toddler out and expect them to sit nicely!!!!

The other night I was at nandos gone 10pm (we were on a long journey and needed to stop) and in walked someone with 2 toddlers. It's so cruel.

LaQueen Wed 03-Oct-12 13:18:53

YANBU. Poorly behaved children in resturants make me grind my teeth.

We had zero tolerance for our DDs being too noisy, wandering around, creating a nuisance in restaurants. We always worked at keeping them quietly occupied - but if that didn't work, we have frog-marched them out of one of two places, when they refused to behave. They learned that lesson very quickly...it wasn't nice for anyone, we all left half eaten meals, but it was short term pain, for long term gain.

And, I have witnessed too many near misses, and one actual accident, where a waiter has been nearly tripped by a wandering toddler, while carrying hot food etc.

MummyPig24 Wed 03-Oct-12 13:22:52

I have been in both situations. I agree that it is irritating when parents make no effort to calm their children down. A few months ago ds had a fantastic tantrum in frankie and bennys, the table next to us moved! I took him outside, he is 4 so well able to understand that it was not acceptable, and all over the fact that dd sat next to daddy and he wanted to. On another occasion we went to a pizza express and the couple next to us gave us a vile look as we sat down and moved! The kids were positively angelic throughout the entire meal and I felt irritated that prow made assumptions.

freddiefrog Wed 03-Oct-12 13:25:09

YANBU!

I always picked my places when mine were at the screaming/yelling stage. The local Fun Factory place at 5:30pm was fair game for a bit of noise and running in and out of the climbing frame area. I never let them scream and run around annoying other diners and getting in the way of waitresses, but at the same time they weren't expected to be seen and not heard if you see what I mean

Floggingmolly Wed 03-Oct-12 13:30:24

Why should people who hate screamers have a bit of sympathy for those of us who have them and can't stop them, babybythesea?
Have you thought that the people doing the cats bum face at you may well have paid a babysitter so they could leave their own screamers at home, and are pissed off at having to eat to the accompaniment of screamers anyway?

Viviennemary Wed 03-Oct-12 13:32:24

YANBU. Until my children could behave properly they were not taken out to eat in restaurants. Or if they didn't behave they would be taken out of the way sharpish. I think it's totally inconsiderate and bad mannered to inflict your badly behaved children on other people who are trying to have a pleasant time and may have saved and looked forward to a special meal.

boredandrestless Wed 03-Oct-12 13:36:19

Similar to LaQueen I went for the short term pain, long term gain. My son has autism and loves to round around and be loud but if we eat out he is always complemented on being so good. We out a lot as it is a pleasure as he knows how to behave.

I too sympathise with parents trying, however not if they are meekly trying for the entire meal. A warning or two then OUT.

I always worry about the waiters walking about with food food and drinks trying to work while kids run around the tables. I have a huge skin graft scar from a burn so am well aware of the damage that can be done.

BeatTheClock Wed 03-Oct-12 13:40:34

'we have frog-marched them out of one of two places' Oh yes us too grin

The other thing I cannot stand are children wandering about bothering people at other tables. It's not cute. It's blimmin annoying. Especially if you have staple-gunned your own to their seats and told them to behave.

LaQueen Wed 03-Oct-12 13:41:59

I have zero sympathy for parents who keep repeating meekly 'Sssshhhh' or 'Or don't do that again' for the entire duration of the meal, while their child clearly totally ignores them.

If they're being a real nuisance, and you're too ineffectual to actually moderate their behaviour sufficently, then you should remove them from the restaurant - that at least you can do.

It's totally unfair to expect other diners to listen to your child's repeated pantomiming/screaming/banging/crying just because you want to finish your meal - and have been looking forward to it etc. Presumably, other diners in the restuarant have been looking forward to their meal, too. Exactly, why do your wishes supercede their's hmm

When our DDs were little I accepted that I might not get to finish every meal in a restaurant, until they learned to behave appropriately. Them's the breaks when you have little children....

Alligatorpie Wed 03-Oct-12 13:51:04

Like most other people, I have sympathy for parents trying to deal with toddlers who are throwing tantrums. But, parents who let their kids run riot in retaurants should be kicked out. I was a waitress when in uni I and the number of parents who would encourage their kids to play noisily or ignore them was unbelievable. They didn't seem to get that it would be very easy to drop a tray of drinks or hot plates on their toddler who was running around.
And it is incredibly disrespectful to people who are paying to enjoy a meal out.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now