Mumsnet Talk

We were at swim lessons (for our children) a few weeks back and fees were due. Friend didn't bring/have the money, I had my cheque book (even though I'd paid for my fees a week before or so), so I said 'I can pay it for you first'. I duly did that.

And she's not paid me back. How do I get my money back? I hate asking for money back but I do need it as for various reasons we are more skint than usual (on one income, etcetc).

thanks in advance for any suggestions.

Will you see her to ask? Just say what you have here, that you need that money back now.

I would give her the benefit of the doubt that she has completely forgotten about it.

Send her a text "hi, is it ok to get that money back off you for the swimming fees next time I see you"

Thanks. I should see her in a couple of days. It's actually causing me sleepless nights! Lol.

Thing is she's cooked me several meals over the last few months (lunches at work type thing) and I've never paid her (she offers! Eg hey you want to do lunch next week? I'll make xxx') so I worry that she'll say 'oh that's for all them food you've eaten!!'. If I didn't have lunch with her I'd ordinarily bring my own anyway...so not that I'd have bought a sandwich iyswim. Ah - ok I'll ask her then.

Just say, "can you please give me the money I lent you"

Mind you, your OP could be taken a nice gesture because you said I'll pay for your, rather than I'll lend it to you

Did you make it clear that it was a loan and that she would have to pay it back? If you didn't then she may have thought it was a quid pro quo for the cooked meals she's made you. I know you haven't asked for them, but she may think that it's your way of reciprocating.

If you did tell her it was a loan, then an apologetic text: "Sorry to hassle <name> but DH and I are completely broke - any chance of getting the swimming money back? Thanks"

If you didn't tell her it was a loan then I think you'll just have to suck it up (assuming it wasn't £££ you paid!).

I'm sorry but no. If she invites you for lunch you are her guest and as such she has no right to then charge you.

It could be that she's just forgotten. I would send her a text saying 'can you bring me the swimming money when I see you in 2 days time? I need it rather urgently'. Present it like it's a given that she was going to pay you back at some point.

If she then says she thought you were paying for her (why would you pay her child's fees though-maybe a one off lesson in cash but not the course fees) just say you're sorry she misunderstood the gesture but unfortunately you just can't afford it.

I'm pretty sure it was said as a ''loan' because she then said 'oh dh doesn't like using cheques'... Which I took to mean so she forgot to get to the ATM to get money out.

I have in my mind kinda written the money off (only because I'm rubbish at asking for money!) but I've only got £300 for the rest of this month (I cannot believe that either) and I need every little bit.

If it was a loan then send her a nice text and explain you're sorry to chase but you are counting every penny at the moment. Then next time when you get paid perhaps get her a nice card and a bunch of flowers to say thanks for the meals? You can get some nice flowers from most supermarkets for a tenner or so.

Ok I've sent her a message saying 'hey sorry but would it be ok to get the swimming money back next Tuesday? Finances are really tight since going to one income in the last six months. thanks a lot'. Hope that sounds ok!

That sounds perfect. To be honest if she refuses to pay you back after that text she's not much of a friend.

Thanks. Will let you know if I hear anything back!

That sounds fine. Polite and to the point.
Is it possible she has actually forgotten about it? idk, I think if someone had to pay for me, I would never forget and it would be on my mind until I repaid. But that's me.

Anyway, I hope you get your money back.

I know that'll be me too. It'll be on my mind and if I see that person I'd either have the money or will be saying when I'll have the money and apologizing profusely.

Sounds fine