Mumsnet Talk

you know how sometimes you get really cross about stuff, and you're not sure if it's reasonable or not? Well this is one of those times.

DS1 (age 6.5) is learning to tell the time, and wanted a bedside clock so he could see what time it is when he wakes etc. So I bought him one, quite expensive, non-ticking (his choice), nice clear hands and numbers and so on. It wasn't his birthday, I just bought it because he wanted it.

I explained very clearly that this wasn't a toy, it was a proper grown-up clock for telling the time, not for messing around with. He also knew that when he got up in the morning he had to put the clock on a shelf out of reach of DS2 (aged 2.5). This is nothing unusual - it's a shelf he can easily reach and DS2 can't, and he's used to putting things there to keep them safe.

Anyway, this morning they were playing in his room, and he announced that his clock was broken. Apparently he didn't put it on shelf, so DS2 got it, so DS1 grabbed it off him, and then dropped it, and it's broken.

I am bloody furious. It cost £15 and we've only had it for 2 days! I doubt I'll get a free replacement unless I can convince the shop it just randomly broke.

I'm sick of everything I buy getting broken. I know toys get handled roughly and broken, but this wasn't a toy. I feel like I work so hard to earn money to buy things and they don't treat them with any respect at all. I'm a single parent and I've been up since 5am with DS2 so I'm not in the best mood as it is.

I've told DS1 he can't use the computer all week as punishment. Is that excessive? Should I just accept that when there are kids around everything is likely to get broken? Should a 6.5 year old be able to grasp the fact that some things are fragile and need to be kept safe?

I think it´s a lot to ask a 6yr old to keep moving stuff out of the way.

Could it not just have stayed on the "out of reach" shelf?

Simply - you dont replace things that get broken. Unfortunate but lessons are never learned if thingsare treated as replacable commodities.

I think you are expecting too much of a 6.5 year old and, yes, the punishment is excessive.

If the clock was that fragile, it should have 'lived' on the high shelf all the time.

I think it should have stayed on the high shelf.

YABU the 2.5 yr old broke it !! I don't think a 6 yr old should be responsible for his brother actions, that's the parents job.

I would be cross, yes, but I would never have paid that amount in the 1st place. I would have gone to poundland if I knew it was possible for it to get broken.

I think yabu. I think you were expecting too much of him to keep it out of his bother's way, better to have placed it out of reach, hang on wall or high shelf. The clock is broken isn't that enough punishment?

Are you really going to take it back to the shop and pretending 'randomly broke'?

The punishment is excessive. Surely the fact that the clock is broken and won't be replaced is bad enough?

He tried to get it back from his brother and it broke. After 2 days. He's probably gutted as it is

'pretend it'

It's not your 6 year old's fault your 2 year old broke it. It can't be up to him to keep all the dangerous and fragile stuff out of his way.

He's had two days to get into a new habit of moving something when he wakes up - my DH needs 25 years to remember that he should not leave his stuff all over the bedroom in the morning!

Seriously tho, is it a room they share? If so there. Need to be rules that make it safe for both of them all the time, or if not, your 2 year old needs to be kept out of your DS6's room each day until he's 'invited' in ( after you've checked it)

I think it's a good idea to try to teach children to value their possessions but the key word for me is 'teach'. It will take some children longer than others to grasp this.

I think the punishment is excessive as you have asked. A long chat would go a long way to help, including perhaps an acceptance on your own part that perhaps you have also made a mistake.

Your DS isn't 'ready', obviously for the responsibility. You didn't know this and gave him a clock with the best of intentions.

A cheap kitchen wall clock in his room might be a better idea? I don't know. I'm a single parent and mess up constantly so feel free to ignore me!

I think you were expecting a bit much tbh. At some point it was inevitable that he would forget to put it up on the high shelf. It should have stayed there, or you should have bought a child friendly or a very cheap clock.

So it's DS2's fault.
Don't be surprised to find DS1 taking retribution for his punishment on his brother. YABU.

Your poor ds - he's only 6
Buy a cheap clock and stick it on the wall

I understand your frustration. I have two boys, 5 and 3 and they are like a bloody tornado. They break everything. I think the week long punishment was perhaps ott. To be honest I've just stopped getting angry when they do wreck stuff, I just chuck it away. That probably isn't teaching them the right values though!

DS1 was the one who actually dropped it, after he grabbed it back from DS2. It can't stay on high shelf as he wants it right by his bed so he can reach it when he first wakes. They don't share a room, DS2 is in with me.

Ok, I'll try and calm down if the general consensus is that I'm being too harsh.

YABU sorry.

He doesn't need to be able to touch the clock to see the time.

I know it is vexing but YABU to punish him IMO, his brother broke the clock. Leaving it where the 2YO can reach it was an accident, not naughtiness.

As a poster further up said you can get clocks in poundshop. He's 6, his brother is 2, putting an expensive clock in there and making a 6 yr od responsible for it is a bit much to ask, especially if they share a bedroom.

It sounds like they are breaking things regularly though? If that's the case I would say:
- don't replace things that get broken (a punishment in itself which would be enough for my 7 yr old)
- don't buy toys/things unless it's a special treat e.g. birthday (may help them value the things they get a bit more)
- don't buy things that you can get cheaper, it will hurt you less when they get broken.

DS1 is very used to putting things on the high shelf, it's part of our daily lives, because DS2 is so wild. I'd already asked him to put it away once this morning, about two minutes before it got broken.

But it seems like most people think I'm being unreasonable, so I accept that. I just wish everything didn't get broken.

What nun said.

Yabvu

YABVU and have added an unreasonable punishment to boot.

Yes - you are being too harsh (though somewhat understandably in the heat of the moment!!). Your eldest is really still quite young and it's only the second morning, as others have said, it takes adults longer to get into a routine (guru's say at least 21 days!), so you can't really blame him for not moving it first thing then he did try to do the right thing and take it off of DS2, but accidentally dropped it. I assume he was upset? Given that it was really his brothers fault (I know he dropped it but only because he was 'rescuing' it), I think that's enough punishment.

I think if/when you get him another one it should either be a fairly hardy kids one or one that goes on the wall OR (this would be my preference) you could put a stair gate on his room that only he can open (the 'dog' ones are good , Argos sell them, they're like baby ones but higher), so that your DS's bedroom is his 'safe from little brother space' where he can have his 'big boy' stuff where he wants it.

I know it's upsetting (especially if money is a bit tight) when things get broken - but it's not as though it was willful damage or even playing roughly, it was simply an accident (& caused by little brother).

He is only 6 and it was an accident
YABU.