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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to find my MIL's behaviour weird?

17 replies

StickThemWithThePointyEnd · 10/04/2011 21:54

MIL is a serial attention seeker. All her family know this. If she's not the centre of attention, she isn't happy.
I'm 38+3, and MIL has been coming round to our house 3x a week, every time with an excuse like "you have some post that came to my house" or "have you got the carpet down in your DC1's room yet, can I see?" and my husband thinks it's because she's worried she won't be the first to know when I give birth. (she already said she wants to be.)
Then she keeps calling and saying that if we want her to have DC1 while I'm in labour, she'll be happy to have him. We don't want her to have him, I'm having a homebirth and we want to keep it quiet when I'm in labour so we can have some time after the birth to ourselves, just the 4 of us. My husband is going to look after DC1 while I'm in labour, so he doesn't have the time to pester me. This has been discussed and explained at length, and for months.
Why should we have changed out minds, and does she think that we wouldn't have asked her already if we had?

"Work is so hard, I'm so tired, and I have the kids to deal with". Her youngest is 11. The only other one of her 4 kids who still lives at home is 21 and looks after himself. She works in a quiet shop and sits on her behind all day apart from when she serves the 3 customers who come in occasionally, drinking coffee. Somehow she managed to get through the 20-odd years before that without complaining as much about her kids as she does now, and she had 4 at home then, a husband (who has since divorced her) and various pets.

Me and SIL go to a toddler group together and she said her mum has been putting it on thick with her as well, about how busy she is, and how hard life is (holidays abroad without your kids, paid for by your rich live-in-lover are such a burden...), and all these other things.

When nobody took pity on her, she started trying to get attention by making up all these hospital appointments, first for a colposcopy because apparently her smear said she might have cervical cancer (but at the time when she said the appointment was, her car was parked in the only car park in our town, 25 miles from the hospital where she supposedly went). When this didn't get enough attention, she publicised on facebook, extensively, how she had split up from her partner, lavishing all the attention from her friends and work collegues. Neither her sons nor her daughter said anything about it to her when they saw it on facebook, my husband wanted to wait for her to tell us. She didn't, but we bumped into her in the middle of a field yesterday (sounds odd, it's the only place around here to walk dogs and let children run loose) and guess who she was holding hands with? you guessed it. Her face, when she saw us, was a picture.

AIBU to be somewhat bewildered by her behaviour?

OP posts:
Flisspaps · 10/04/2011 21:56

YANBU.

She sounds bored.

FriedEggyAndSlippery · 10/04/2011 21:58

YANBU she sounds like brilliant MN thread fodder a weirdo

TheSkiingGardener · 10/04/2011 22:01

YANBU. But she does sound deeply unhappy. And odd.

GreenEyesandHam · 10/04/2011 22:01

Dunno

To me she sounds like a woman who may or may not be having relationship issues, may starting to worry about her health, and most of all, realising that her children (even the 11yr old) are grown or growing up and she isn't needed anymore.

She may just be a weirdo of course.

StickThemWithThePointyEnd · 10/04/2011 22:02

LOL FEAS I have a million and one things that annoy me about her, starting with her being patronising every time I tell her about anything I might be planning to do, to her having to "abbreviate" almost every word she uses (like tatty, lecky, cardy etc) and being nosey as hell. the normal mother-in-law stuff.

But in this case I was just wondering if I'm being a bit touchy here.. why would you make up that you split from your partner??

OP posts:
IwishIwasmoreorganised · 10/04/2011 22:09

YANBU

Can you peep to see who's at the door when the bell rings? I'd ignore it a few times when it's her.

blackeyedsusan · 10/04/2011 22:12

your mil sounds like she is going to be very entertaining on mn

poor you... please tell me she hasn't got a key? if she has, get a bolt or two fitted to the doors, sounds like she would let herself in just as you are pooing pushing baby out.

don't forget to close the curtains!

if sil and dh are supportive you are way ahead of some people who post here...

why should she be the first to know? we your mum should be first as she is concerned about you, telling everyone else next will get revenge and wind her up but you may not hear the last of it ever she should know next...

FabbyChic · 10/04/2011 22:19

She craves attention, when she doesn't get it she plays up.

She keeps coming round because she thinks she might miss the birth and not be told first.

atswimtwolengths · 10/04/2011 22:22

The trick is to phone her when you're in labour and tell her you're going out for the day. If you have a car, hide it. Don't let the midwife park near the house.

StickThemWithThePointyEnd · 10/04/2011 22:27

Iwish - unfortunately our front door has two massive glass panels in it, and you can look straight into the living room unless you close the hallway door. it's milky glass, but you can see light/moving people, especially against the backlight of our patio doors.

susan I was going to say she doesn't have a key, then I remembered that my husband actually gave her one when we moved in here "just in case". Doh. Although, I think she is just about aware enough that if she let herself in while we're here, she would have to a) hand over the key, b) pay for it for a long time.

Last night she said "don't go having the baby tonight, I'm having some drinks with friends tonight". this was at about 7pm. did she really think that we would call her straight away if I went into labour, at that time? grr. and of course, again "if you need me to help with anything while you are in labour, let me know." innocent enough, in itself, if it wasn't for everything else.

fabby I noticed. are people meant to behave like that?

OP posts:
StickThemWithThePointyEnd · 10/04/2011 22:28

atswim :o hahaha, that's brillian :o

OP posts:
GreenEyesandHam · 10/04/2011 22:31

Oh sorry, I thought you were genuinely asking about her behaviour.

But now I see it's just another 'help me moan about my MIL' thread

GloriaSmut · 11/04/2011 00:29

"and being nosey as hell. the normal mother-in-law stuff."

Er, hello? You might consider this normal but some of us are bored beyond belief with these stupid generalisations.

piprabbit · 11/04/2011 00:41

Ivy - get some temporary blackout blinds to stick on your door.

StickThemWithThePointyEnd · 11/04/2011 10:00

greeneyes - feel free to explain to me why my mother-in-law would pretend she split up messily from her partner, if she really hasn't. All the rest I can put down to boredom/attention seeking etc, but surely, this one is bound to blow up in her face?

gloria - I am sorry that my mother-in-law's behaviour fits in with the behaviour generally described on other threads. I know that some people are lucky enough to have wonderful in-laws. I wasn't complaining about my MIL's nosey streak, or even mentioned her irresponsible behaviour towards her youngest son. If I had, I would still be in the middle of writing an epic post. If the generalisations bore you, why are you still reading them?

pip thank you, that sounds like a good idea. I'm having some curtains made for the kids' room at the moment, maybe I should tack on some curtains for our front door at the same time.

OP posts:
whitevanwoman · 11/04/2011 10:03

she sounds nice to keep offering to help

you are being ungrateful and unreasonable

GreenEyesandHam · 11/04/2011 10:05

Whinge whinge whinge...........

:o

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