To think in a cul de sac of 30 or more houses when someone says a neighbour grassed you up its not on to accuse just me cos I live next door

[nightime]

Sorry this may be long

I've lived in my present home for 13 years, never had any probs with any of my neighbours, I Keep myself to myself mainly, never wanted to get too involved as when me and my kids moved here it was under difficult circumstances and I didn't want everyone to know our business,

Over the years I have got to know maybe five or six of the families that now know our history and that I know we could call on if there was a problem and the rest just say hello to me and visa versa if we pass in the street,

Something happened on Monday which I can't get my head around involving my neighbour on my left, [ I am in terraced housing ] They have only been there a couple of years and although we don't see alot of them [ more in the summer cos of hanging out washing and stuff] low fence on that side so would see each other and chat abit,

Anyways I was hanging some washing out on monday as the sun was out and I noticed the lady next door was at the window, when I caught her eye I waved at her, She gave me a real dirty look, I thought nothing of it as tbh she didn't look too happy and I thought she might be unwell.

Next thing I know she was out in her garden. She asked me why had I done this, Why had I talked to people about her? [ I have to say now that she is Indian and her English isn't great so I didn't fully understand everything she said],

She accused me of talking to people about her, something to do with her work, Well I was totally gobsmaked, told her I would never talk to anyone about her as I didn't know anything about her,

We have had a few chats in the garden mainly about my cat and my niece who I look after now and again, She did tell me she had been accepted for a job within the council and I congratulated her on that.

I expressed that I didn't know what she was on about and I swore on my kids lives that I hadn't spoken to anyone about her, I have my own stuff to be dealing with.

She said ok and went in although I knew from her face she didn't belive me.

I was fuming so went and knocked on her front door, I rang twice but she wouldn't answer, the neighbour on the other side came out and said that she didn't think she was in but I told her she was as I'd just spoken to her in the garden, She then appeared at the window, I gestered for her to come down to the door and she did although she kept the chain on the door, [ not sure what she thought I was gonna do]

I asked her exactly what it was all about and she said that her work said a neighbour had told them that she had time off sick when she wasn't.

I have no idea who would have done this if anyone as it wouldn't surprise me if her emplyers had just said that to deflect the blame.

I told her I don't like being accused of something I havn't done and she said. ' its ok I believe you now' As far as I know she hasn't approached anyone else.

Aibu in still being really pissed off?

I know its likely we will be in our gardens at the same time with summer coming, Do I just ignore them from now on or what?

Annoying to be wrongly accused, but best put it behind you, after all you've done nothing wrong and if she thinks so then it is her problem, don't let it be yours.

Next time you see her, say a pleasant 'hello' and leave it at that.
If she is happy to engage in conversation then great, if not, just stick to saying a pleasant 'hello' every time you see her.

In the meantime, grow some tall plants up against the boundary to her garden to give you a bit of privacy should things remain awkward.

This sounds really awkward and unfair on you.
She's probably just in trouble at work and wants someone to blame for it and you happen to be the easiest target. Maybe just keep your distance for now and if she starts being friendly again try and forget about it, but I wouldn't go out of my way to mend fences iyswim.

My granny's neighbour was using a hose pipe during a hoepipe ban (big garden and using it to clean roof of conservatory). Somebody reported her. The obvious person who could see would be my Granny but she is 82 and simply wouldn't bother doing it - she had moaned to me about it on the phone but that was all. Turned out the neighbour the otherside of my Granny saw when they were up a ladder fixing their guttering and they reported it. My Granny's neighbour was extremely aggressive towards her accusing her of reporting her. 3 years on she still won't speak. My Granny has lived there for 45 years and is simply gobsmacked.

Sorry, no advice, just a show that some people are simply stupid. x

YANBU, but you've made it clear you've not done anything so I agree with BehindLockNumberNine, just smile and say hello next time you see her. Don't avoid her or she'll get suspicious again!

At the moment I do feel not like even acknowledging them in the garden, they said when they moved in that they were gonna replace the fence with a higher one, they are respnosible for the fence. which they still havn'nt done although they said they would after 2 years,

I did think it odd a few weeks ago when their 10 year old son totally ignored me when I said hello to him in the street, now I know why lol

I am in a HS property so the fence to my right [their fence] isnt my resposibilty but maybe I will save up to get it replaced if they don't do it,[ by the way they do own their house]

It just makes me so cross as I consider all 30 or so people who live in my cul de sac to be my neighbours,

Why just accuse me?

Just saw her in the garden as she was putting out washing when I was bringing mine in and she wouldn't even look at me, She obviously still thinks I was the one who did this,

Tbh I was sort of expecting some sort of apology but it seems that aint gonna happen, lol oh well life goes on.

This is why i hate people making anonymous complaints. It has happened to me in the past and it made me suspicious of all my neighbours. It's not the lady's fault, she is probally really upset wondering who's got it in for her.

Oh, and possiblly the person who actually made the complaint has pointed the finger at you. people are bastards.

She might be ashamed of accusing you.

You just need to maintain a level of civility with her, don't stoop to her level. If she ignores you, let her do it, just don't react.

I didn't react at all although my blood was boiling,

I can understand that she may be upset that people may have it in for her, They had a prob last year with kids throwing stuff at their back windows as our back gardens back on to a public footpath/alley, they had a plastic bottle of milk thrown at their kitchen window whilst I had a rock thrown at mine at 7am whilst I was visible in the kitchen.

I put it down to kids as have had eggs and conkers thrown over the years. many a snowball too.

I am friendly with a few of the other neighbours and as far as I know she hasn't confronted any of them about this, makes me wonder why she felt she could accuse me? Is it because I'm a single parent and had no man to back me up or because she thinks I have too much time on my hands and get bored, [spend many hours aday jobhunting on my laptop]

She has had the oppurtunity to speak to me today but has chosen not too so I won't be offerering any olive branches, Tbh they can go fuck themselves,

I cant be doing with be who make me feel like shit just to make themselves feel better.

I very much doubt anyone grassed her up and her employers are just putting the wind up her to stop her throwing a sickie in future,
She sounds like a nutter, just stick to a polite nod and hello

It's not nice when you fall out with a neighbour especially over an issue such as yours. Growing up, families in my street were forever falling out over something, usually relating to something the kids have done. It will blow over though so just try to be civil whenever you see her and like someone else said, don't stoop to her level.

Agree with everyone here, rise above it & be the bigger person, keep it civilised.