to want SD and SS to pickup after themselves

[Earthgirlzero]

They have been used to an au-pair at their main home, they come to us every second weekend and have had no rules at DH house before I met him. Now at mine they behave the same. The are 16(DS) and 13 (DSS). They are usually polite and I get on well with them, I suppose they are typical teenagers really but it gets on my nerves. All rubbish is left in their bedrooms when they leave on a sunday night...with wet towels on floor, empty soft drink cans and glasses, screwed up tissues, beds never made. I have a cleaner but I advise her not to go in the bedrooms any more, and they are no longer cleaned. To top it all DH shares one of the rooms as a study and changing room with SD so he also leaves all his post and papers on her bed. I have to remind him that she would appreciate a clear bed and I want her to feel welcome. Just having a whinge really. Last week I supplied each room with a towel rail for the radiator and a laundry basket for SD, but this weekend SD ignored it... ggggrrrrrr!

I think you need DH to explain to them that there isn't an au pair here to tidy up after them, so please return dishes to the kitchen and laundry to the basket by the end of their stay, and put any rubbish in the bin. Not much to ask of anyone!

Thanks AMumInScotland, only trouble is he has told them that there are no rules! Trying to be liberal he has told them there are only consequences, so he will have to go back on his word. By the way he told them this without consulting me!

:( It does sound as though DH is nearly as much of the problem as the SC. I think I'd be inclined to sit down with him and discuss the areas your not happy with and then get HIM to come up with consequences for these areas of their behaviour. If he can't then maybe he needs to sit down with them and explain that "no rules" does NOT = "take the piss and treat our home like a tip"...

Earthgirlzero That sounds like my DSD's (18) bedroom. And she lives with us full time. I think it's just teenagers TBH! I leave her to it. I stopped putting her clean washing away for her years ago, and it does annoy the crap out of me when I put it in a neat pile on her bed and she just throws it on the floor mixed in with all dirty washing I only get the dirty washing that actually makes it into her basket.

And don't get me started on wet towels. I have to go searching her bedroom for them when we end up with no clean towels in the airing cupboard. I always find at least 6. She leaves it until she can't stand it any longer and then does a big clean out every month or so. Usually resulting in her bringing at least 3 bin bags of rubbish down. Actually she's a lot like DH he's also a lazy barsteward. I just leave them to it, and absolutely refuse to clear up after them!

Thanks for your comments, feel so much better - I know it isnt much of a problem in the scheme of things.... end of. xx

You are not alone.

My DSC are shockingly untidy.

I have a rule that they tidy after themselves in the common rooms of the house, but I don't bother too much about their rooms, although as DS shares with DSS, I have to encourage DSS to be as tidy as DS otherwise it is very obvious that DSC get treated differently.

Once DS has his own room (we are building an extension), I will probably just shut their doors when they go home and forget about it. I'm not their slaves and if their father wants to be so, that's up to him.

It's a case of choosing my battles.

It gets better, honestly it does.

No need to introduce rules - just change the consequences to be really big if they don't do what you would like them to do

Why doesn't the cleaner clean their rooms?

Because cleaners are there to clean, not tidy up after lazy little shitbags teenagers!

Hi SalFresco, sometimes she cleans if I ask her to when I know that she can get the hoover over the carpet, but usually it is too messy and she is there to clean not paid to waste time tidying before she cleans..

So, what to do now, I was out when DH took them back to their mother tonight so I asked him to make sure they placed any used towels in the laundry basket especially purchased for them. I have returned to find a glass and cup on floor of DSD room and three used towels flung on unmade bed.

AAAAAAAArghh will have to speak to them myself and meantime leave things exactly as is until the next fortnightly visit. Beeping forgetful or spineless men, not sure which category DH falls into right now, better have a glass of wine and deep breathing.

Glad to have my house back anyway - especialy the hallway where the bags and cases and multitude of shoes get dumped for duration of the weekend.

Tell your DH that if he insists on wanting to be 'cool dad' then he has to clean up after them.

Alternatively, he can tell them that yes, there are 'no rules', your home operates on respect and consideration and therefore people need to show some.

Put all the rubbish and wet towels in the beds and cover over, let them find the mess when they next visit, they MAY get the message